


In Your Arms, In My Body

by Anonymous



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Belly Kink, Body Changes, Body Worship, Breeding Kink, Childbirth, Children, Discrimination, Erotic pain, Family Fluff, Fluff, Hormonal high, Impregnation, Intensely Requited Love, M/M, Masturbation, Mirror Sex, Mpreg, Mpreg Anatomy, Mpreg with a little twist, Newborn Children, Porn With Plot, Pregnancy Kink, Pregnant Sex, Rimming, Secondary Infertility, Switching, They are disgustingly in love, Unconventional pain relief, Unplanned Pregnancy, orgasmic birth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-28 15:36:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 52,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Joe is one of the few men who are able to get pregnant, and when he does, he has to deal with the hardships and happiness, finding new friends and facing discrimination, but John is there to love and support him.This fic started out as just a scene of Joe giving birth because I thought he deserves to have a sweet, intimate and sensual childbirth in his loved one's arms, but then it got out of hand and I wrote a whole fic.Contains a lot of pregnant sex with Joe topping (and switching), and an erotic birth.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here I go after I thought I'd never touch mpreg with a ten-feet pole. However, I tried to turn the common mpreg dynamics upside down a bit.
> 
> I haven't written the story in chronological order but as the ideas came up, so there might be some inconsistencies. Might add more chapters later.
> 
> Summary:  
\- Ch1: Joe is being conceived, even though neither John or he realize yet that it's possible.  
\- Ch2: Joe finds out he's... special.  
\- Ch3: Joe's researching and trying to accept his condition.  
\- Ch4: Joe looks for an outlet for his instincts and confusion, but finds something else instead.  
\- Ch5: Joe's learning to live with his body's changes, and John proving him that he's still a hot man.  
\- Ch6: Joe tries on a few new clothes when his old ones don't fit anymore.  
\- Ch7: Joe's in the eight month, and he still feels weird and super hormonal.  
\- Ch8: Joe's in labor, and John tries to make it as easy and comfortable for him as he can.  
\- Ch9: Joe is getting the feeling of this parenting thing.  
\- Ch10: Their child is growing nicely, and Joe's ready for another one.  
\- Ch11: Trying to conceive is still very fun, but Joe is worried about his best friend.  
\- Ch12: Patience has to be learned when things are not going as expected.  
\- Ch13: Kids. They grow up so fast...  
\- Ch14: Their kid is happy, and Joe and John have time to discover each other again.  
\- Ch15: Sometimes things don't go as Joe wishes, but at least he's not alone.  
\- Ch16: Joe finds John at home and they get into a silly little roleplay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe’s high on life and eager in anticipation as if preparing for something.   
He doesn't even realize it.

John.

John and his cock.

That was all that was on Joe's mind all day while shooting, which made properly doing his job very difficult. On top of it, he's starring in a romantic movie, and probably that’s also affecting his mood.

“Oh, love, if we ever get to be together, I’ll spoil you rotten,” he jokes during a break with his coworker, Emma, a funny, talented actress, a little older than him, with grey eyes and long, black hair.

John has grey eyes, too.

They’re mocking the movie - it’s a bit like a soap opera, taking itself way too seriously, and it’s not the best job they’ve ever had, but it’s a light and fun one, and Joe really likes to work with Emma. They joke a lot and Joe loves to make her laugh. He also loves how they both turn into the star-crossed lovers they are playing when the shooting continues.

He kisses the girl at the climax of the movie, and the touch of soft lips on his is amazing, he opens his mouth at the feel, gently discovering her mouth with his tongue, and the director yells  _ cut, _ and Joe blinks, thinking maybe he overstepped her boundaries, but the director signals him with his thumbs up, and Emma looks a bit dizzy and disheveled by the force Joe was sliding his hand through her hair. They both laugh after a second, Joe apologetically, Emma embarrassed, but poking him in the ribs.

She’s such an amazing colleague.

Now it’s time to leave, and he offers her a ride that she politely refuses because her boyfriend is already here to pick her up, and Joe’s putting a super energetic song on in his car as they wave bye, heading home where John is probably already waiting for him. He grins, yelling  _ we’re in this together now  _ with the song, and he really hopes he doesn't get into a car accident, but he’s the king of the world and his hard-on is amazing and demands to be taken care of.

John is reading a book with his reading glasses on his nose, probably some hard literature about WWII or something sick like Burroughs. Joe's heart bursts with the love for this man, and he can see the same love in John’s eyes as he puts down his book and hurries to him and takes him in his arms, and Joe kisses him, kisses him like he never wants to let him go, the taste of his lips like nothing he’s ever tasted, the sweetest people he's dated are nothing compared to this.

“Hello, love-” John begins, but his sentence is muffled by Joe's next kiss, and Joe buries his hand under his knitted sweater and scratches his back and John moans, and Joe's hands keep wandering towards his chest. He loves his thick chest hair and he wants to fall straight onto his knees to worship this man. (“I’m so not straight,” he thinks and he chuckles at his  _ inside  _ joke.) 

He grins when he realizes he can do just that, and John's cock is springing free from his pants and underwear, already hard and dripping. 

“Not bad for your age,” Joe whispers as his lips are kissing it along the sides, up and down, and John playfully smacks his shoulder. 

“Have some respect for your elders.”

Joe grins and takes it in his mouth and sucks like it was the source of life, and John groans, his thighs already trembling under Joe’s grabbing hands, and Joe takes him as deep as he can, getting high on the taste and John's smell as he tries to bury his nose in that musky pubic hair, but John’s dick is too big and he can't do it without gagging and he gives up, but John doesn't complain.

“Oh, love, what’s gotten into you?” he asks, amazed by Joe, he’s always amazed by him and Joe feels so special because of this, special and loved, he’s always been confident but John makes him feel literally perfect.

Joe’s panting now as he sucks John off right in the middle of the living room, the pressure in his pants is unbearable and he moves down to take his cock out, also hard as fuck and wet, and when he touches it, it feels like his whole body is in ecstasy, he doesn't come yet but it feels so good having his own grip around it like he was touching himself for the first time. 

Finally he lets John's cock pop out of his mouth as he throws his head back with a groan, slowly palming the head of his own dick.

John stares at him like he saw him for the first time, his mouth hanging open, and Joe can feel him drooling, and John suddenly kneels down like he’s smacked out of his trance and pushes Joe down and opens Joe’s shirt and takes his nipple in his mouth…

Joe cries out, he doesn’t know what’s going on but it feels even better than usual, his cock feels bigger and harder in his hand than ever… 

He wants to fuck John so fucking badly, but he also wants to get fucked by him and gorged by him and he’s torn between the two desires for a second-

But John is kissing his chest and stomach and cock, growling possessively, he must sense that this time is somehow different, and Joe moans, he moans something that doesn't make any sense, something about filling and getting filled, and John yanks Joe’s shirt off right there on the floor and kneels up for a second to take off his own sweater and his t-shirt with the same movement while Joe’s already pushing down his own jeans.

John does not waste time with properly pulling down his own pants, he just pushes it lower on his hips, he’s panting so heavily and his eyes are so dark and his expression is so rough and possessive that Joe is almost scared for a second, but his fear turns him on even more and his cock is dripping and he has to stick it into John’s body soon or he’ll die…

But John’s on top of him, spreading Joe’s legs, spitting into his hand and slicking up Joe's hole before entering him with a swift movement, and Joe yells in sudden pleasure, his ass stretching around John’s thick cock like it was made to take it…

It feels different. It feels… tighter, softer, it feels like he’s filled more thoroughly, and he feels weird for a second but the pleasure is so intense like never before, it’s another kind of pleasure and fuck, he's never felt so full--

“Joe,” John pants, “oh my god, what is-- oh god, it’s-- it’s never felt like this before-”

Joe groans, spreading his thighs and wrapping his legs around John's waist, pulling him on top of him and letting him take him right there on the carpet, and he can feel John's every inch as his body surrounds him, he can feel every vein, feel the head of his cock caressing him and then hitting a spot inside him and he moans, his cock is trapped between John’s tummy and his own but he’s so hard and so ready to burst already, but no, he has to hold back yet because this feeling is foreign and amazing, even though they’ve been together for more than a year now.

He lifts his hips rhythmically, fucking back against John's thrusts that are getting harder and deeper and shorter, and John’s body is sweating under Joe's fingers and John's tongue deep in his mouth, he’s filling him from both ends and Joe’s cock is dripping and his ass feels slicker than usual, and John is pounding into him and his hand that’s not holding himself up is roaming over Joe's side, sneaking between them to make Joe come, and John is rubbing him from the inside and it feels so fucking  _ tight _ all over-

He mewls and the urge to feel John coming inside him is overwhelming, and he pulls him even deeper, hugs him tighter, clenches around him to pleasure him even more. “Come in me,” he pants, “I want to feel you come-- fill me up, I need your cum, I need all of it, please,” he's getting closer and John groans, pressing down on Joe’s shoulders and putting his whole weight into the thrusts and he throws his head back with a deafening cry and Joe feels his walls clenching around John’s cock and milking it and it feels so strangely amazing that he comes, too, spurting white-hot ropes between his and John’s bodies.

John pulls out and lays on top of him, and Joe’s panting, too, but he’s still hard and he’s still aroused and his pelvis is still burning and his ass is dripping with cum, and he turns John over and gathers his own cum to use as a lube--

“What-?” John asks, confused, and Joe strips off his pants and nudges his thighs apart, he wants to eat him, he wants to make him feel good again, and he leans down and spreads John’s ass and dives his tongue in, tasting him, and it really tastes like John’s ass, unique and delicious and he doesn't want to ever taste someone else again, his tongue is lapping inside John’s hole and John arches his back and mewls and Joe loves it when he does that, his cock violently throbbing at the sound even though it’s still slick of cum, a bucket of cum he just came between them.

“Wanna fuck,” he growls, he’s never felt this feral as he kneels behind John. “Need to fuck-”

“You... you just came-” John says, staring back at him, unbelieving, but he sees that Joe is indeed hard and he swallows. “Fuck me then,” he whispers, and Joe is looking for a condom in his pants’ pockets, and he just realizes they didn’t use one before but he shrugs at the thought because it’s not important, he rolls it on and he spits a few times into John’s ass when John gets on all fours for him. 

Joe growls and heaves like an animal as he grabs John’s hips and plunges in, the tightness of the ring of muscles is so amazing and John cries out and John’s heat is something else and he never wants to be anywhere else again…

He’s watching John's back underneath him, he strokes his thinning hair and his hips and he reaches around to see whether he’s enjoying it and he’s half-hard indeed. “Good?” he pants, and John nods. “More?”

“Yeah, harder,” John whispers and that’s just what Joe’s been waiting for, he thrusts and thrusts and the heat is amazing and John’s ass is the most wonderful thing ever and he wants it to last because it’s all too good, it’s amazing how John can change from an alpha male into someone more sub who just wants to pleasure all of Joe’s needs...

“I love you,” he whispers as he hugs him as tight as he can, leaning over John and stroking his cock that’s completely hard again, so incredibly slick with the previous orgasm, and John groans, fucking back against him and clenching around him.

“I love you too, you’re so--,” John gasps, “you’re-- something else, I’ve never met anyone- like you- want to stay with you forever-”

Joe groans and bites into John’s nape, jerking him hard and fast in time with his thrusts and John clenches and comes just when Joe can’t hold back, and he’s emptying himself together with the love of his life, coming together with him right there in the middle of their home.

Their home.

“Oh fucking god,” Joe pants as they wrap around each other, still on the carpet, not letting go, never letting go.

He feels light-headed. He feels wet and sore and somehow so full, his whole body relaxed, so very contented and satisfied, and his heart aches as he looks at John’s face, who's lying on Joe's chest with closed eyes.

“I'll be with you forever,” Joe whispers, and John smiles, holding on to him like never wanting to let go.

Something bugs Joe in the back of his mind. He will have to check eventually what is this new weirdness in his body and his brain. 

But it can wait a bit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe rushes to find out what's so unusual about his body and his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is even more naturalistic than the previous one, hah. Mentions of bodily fluids and the anatomy of male pregnancy is about to come. This is my interpretation of the concept.

They fuck about five or six times that night, and even more in the next day.

Whatever this irresistible urge to feel John inside him over and over is, it’s completely out of Joe’s control. He would trap him inside himself forever if only it was possible, and after each fuck he has to, he simply must take John too, take his ass or when he keeps complaining how sore he is, then his mouth or his hands. 

To his surprise, John’s always ready to go again after a few minutes or hours of resting, even though he’s over fifty now.

In his few clear moments, Joe wonders what is happening. He has a high sex drive but usually he can’t go more than three rounds a day.

He’s constantly turned on, and so in love that it makes him crazy.

Because John is perfect in every way. From his beauty and his gentle speak to his flaring possessiveness and how wild and rough he could be, or how gentle and loving, and his body is perfect, and Joe loves to train with him and laugh with him and spend time with him and bring him roses and take him to fancy restaurants, even when John remarks that he doesn't need to be spoiled like that. But he deserves it. Everything is perfect about John, from his colors to his jokes and his perfect cock that Joe can't seem to get enough of.

They fuck on every surface of the house - on the couch, Joe riding John’s dick like he never wants to get off of it; in the shower against the hot wet tiles; on the kitchen table with their underwear barely pulled down; in front of the mirror, grinning at each other while Joe watches John’s sweating chest and stomach undulate with his thrusts; on the balcony when it’s dark, Joe feeling the summer breeze and drizzle on his naked skin with John rough and hot behind him, buried inside Joe’s ass balls deep, and Joe keeps begging for his cum like a cockslut with words he never knew could leave his mouth, and John groans and gives it to him, as much as Joe wants, any way he wants. “I’m going to dry out, love,” he jokes breathlessly, but apparently he still has more in him and Joe feels so fucking alive as he’s soaked with cum and John is panting in his ears, his arms tight around him.

It still feels so weirdly silky, like his whole body was a warm, soft pillow built for John’s cock, fitting into him perfectly like they were made for each other.

Between two rounds, Joe’s wondering what’s gotten into him or his body that he‘s acting like a dog in heat - both of them actually, but then he shrugs as he strokes John’s dick to full hardness again and swallows it.

Joe sneaks out the second night. There’s been only cock on his mind for the past two days, he couldn’t even eat, he barely drank, and John seemed to be in the same condition because he just brought in a few bottles of water so they don’t die of dehydration before they continued fucking.

It’s passing now, his mind is clearing, but he still feels off, and he sits on the toilet, thinking. 

He’s still turned on, though it’s receding. 

He’s also scared. He has to examine himself. 

He pushes his boxers down to his ankles, taking a finger in his mouth to wet it, and then inhaling deeply, reaching between his thighs, past his balls.

His asshole is strangely wet and slick, and he carefully pushes a fingertip into himself.

He pushes through the outer muscles, after which he expects a more open space, but the tightness continues as he pushes deeper, two knuckles deep now, and it’s soft and tight and a bit ridged and so very wet and sensitive… 

He gasps because it feels so strangely arousing, he has no thoughts now besides the pleasure as he adds a second finger and starts to rotate them around and crook them, prodding at the muscular walls, his breathing elevated as he pushes even deeper, it’s oh so good he’s moaning, there’s a spot that’s extremely delightful to touch and he presses on it and his cock twitches-

Suddenly there’s a warm flood and he gasps and yanks his fingers out, his ass dripping.

He’s panting hard as he observes the fluid on his fingers. White and sticky with a distinct smell.

John’s cum. Which is supposed to be out of him already. 

And his ass isn’t supposed to feel like that.

He stares at his hand blankly, his heart beating in his throat, then in a sudden rush he cleans himself up and sneaks into the room for his phone where John is sleeping soundly, his arm draped on Joe’s side of the bed, he was probably looking for him in his sleep.

Joe can’t help but smile at him before the fear clenches his throat, the phone almost slipping from his sweating hand.

If he’s ill, John doesn’t have to know that yet.

But if he’s ill, why does it feel so good?

He stares at his hands once again.

He’s been sitting there for half an hour at least, staring at his hands and the papers in them.

The first thing he felt was relief. He’s not ill, he’s not going to die, he’s not going to suffer either.

The other things…

He can’t process the feelings those things brought yet. His rational mind was seemingly able to process the information, he was able to ask questions, his logical brain could reason and argue and reassure himself.

But the other half… He’s never dissociated so hard in his life.

He’s…

_ Special. _

He’s something else, just like John said in the heat of lovemaking. 

He chuckles, his first human reaction in half an hour. If only John knew.

He’s… he’s special. 

He’s got… 

Time to face the truth.

He’s got female inner organs. Fully functioning, fully developed female organs, hidden so well he never even thought they might be existing. He never knew. It’s so rare he never got it checked.

Female organs, hidden safely behind his fully functioning male organs.

Of course, he's heard about it. Heard that some men are able to get pregnant and carry babies to full term like any woman. He’s heard about it and accepted it as an unusual but normal part of life, something that can only happen to other people.

His face is burning, his whole chest is burning as he gently presses on his abdomen.

It doesn't feel any different, because it has always been different. This difference is his normal. His very own reality.

He’s got female reproductive organs, too. Ovaries, uterus… vagina. Everything in perfect condition. So well hidden, as they are supposed to be. Perfectly normal, even if it’s rare. 

_ One in ten thousand. _

Maybe a little bit more, because there might be more of them who never find it out.

Perfectly normal.

He’s a freak.

He gets up and stumbles to the bathroom, locking himself in before a sob breaks out of him, choking him and pressing down on his lungs.

What now? What is his body?

_ The vagina is only open during fertile periods, only for a day or two. Once or twice a year if a long-term partner is around, or even less frequently. _

How is this going to change his life?

_ It’s very possible, yes. Everything is perfectly functional and healthy. _

What will John say?

_ There’s a big chance, miscarriage is very rare. _

He sobs until his throat hurts and his face is soaked with tears.

_ It’s too small to confirm, it’s not even implanted yet. Come back in three weeks so we can take a look. _

John looks up from his cooking when he enters their home, looking angry. Joe can't blame him. He called him about twenty times and Joe hadn't once answered his phone.

“Where the bloody hell have you been? I was going to call the fucking police-”

Joe smiles weakly. He must be looking like shit because John's anger is dissolving, and instead of scolding him he hugs him, and Joe holds onto him, just feeling his presence, his calming body, his strong embrace.

“Love,” John says, his anger turned into worry, gently rocking Joe in his arms. “Darling,” he calls him a pet name again because John loves him so much, and Joe squeezes his eyes shut at the desperate tears.

What if he loses him?

Joe peels his face away from John's shoulder, and John has such worry in his eyes that it makes him spur into talking.

“I have to tell you something, sit down.”

John nods and lets Joe lead him to the couch, taking his hands in his.

“Joe, are you ill?” John asks, not able to take the tension at all, his palms are sweaty like Joe’s, and Joe absentmindedly caresses the back of his hand.

He shakes his head.

John sighs shakily in relief, but then he looks worried again. “What’s wrong then? Are you-- are you leaving me-?”

Joe shakes his head again, unbelieving for a second. How could he think such a thing? He’d die first.

“God, no. It’s… John, I found out that I’m…” John furrows his brows, and Joe looks down at their hands. John is the first person who he'll say this word out loud to. He couldn’t even say it to himself in the mirror. “I’m a… _ carrier.” _

John must be staring at him because nothing happens for a few seconds, and when Joe opens his mouth to explain, John lets out a gentle “oh”.

Joe looks up.

There’s slow understanding in John’s eyes, and for the first time, Joe feels his fears easing a little.

”You know what that is?”

“Yes.” There’s another pause. “Joe, are you-?” John stops as if tasting the word in his mouth. “Are you pregnant?”

Relief. Relief, relief. There’s no disgust, only gentleness and loving.

Joe looks down again, the word is strange, floating in the air between them, its meaning is something that doesn't make sense, because they are both men and how would it be possible?

“I might be, yes.” John groans, closing his eyes, and Joe can't decide whether it’s happiness or disbelief. Probably both. “It’s not possible to tell yet but… there's a very big chance.”

John suddenly hugs him then, breathing in his neck, and Joe is stunned.

“I heard about it,” John murmurs into his ear, “I’ve read about it a long time ago, and today I researched it because of how strange the whole... sex felt, and it all makes sense now, I think I know how it works. I have to refresh my memory of the details, though.”

Joe pushes him away, wanting to ask the question that bugs him the most.

“John, aren't you… disgusted?”

John looks at him like he doesn't believe it, eyes widening.

“Joe? Disgusted? Oh god, how could you ask that, I would never-”

“It’s gross,” Joe says, his own revulsion flaring in his stomach because his body is not what he thought it was, and he can’t take it, just can't take it right now. “It's gross and bizarre.”

“I promise it’s not gross, oh dear,” John says, almost begging, gabbing his hand again, “it’s anything but gross. It’s... wonderful. Oh god, Joe. I…”

Joe doesn't say anything to that, but John continues.

“I felt that. I felt that something was different when we made love. I was… I was in your… vagina, right?”

Joe nods, his face burning scarlet and he buries it in his hands.

Yes, his vagina that opened for John, soft and wet and hot, ready for John, so well hidden, so soft like it was meant to take him, and his organs indeed were made to take him, they were meant to make him come and they were meant to take his seed and he was meant to be impregnated by him-

A baby.

Joe sobs again, and John holds him, murmuring into his ear. “Yes, let it out, love, let it out. I know it’s shocking, I know you're scared, but I’m here, I’m here…”

Joe cries, his hand instinctively on his belly even though it’s not a hundred percent sure they have a baby yet, and he’s lost.

“John, what am I now?” he cries, and John cries with him, kissing his hair.

“You are my love, my only love, no matter what.”

“I have female organs. I’m a… transition...”

“What if they are not ‘female organs'?” John whispers soothingly. “Maybe they are just... organs. Other men have them, too. You have them too, because you’re special. You’re privileged.”

Joe calms down after a while, and John rocks him in his arms.

“Joe,” he murmurs, looking into his face. “I know you’re scared. But you have choices. And… if you’re pregnant, you know that... You don't have to keep it if you don't want to.”

Joe observes him through his burning eyes, and John smiles at him, even though there's a lot of sadness in his eyes.

“I don't know yet,” Joe says. “I can't think straight. I need a few days to even comprehend it.”

“Okay.” John kisses him. “However you decide, I’ll be with you.”

“Really?” Joe kisses him back, holding onto his neck like a child. John’s so good to him he doesn't even deserve him-

John stays silent for a moment, but then he speaks softly.

“When I first saw you, across that room...” His voice is gentle and dreamy. “When I first heard your laughter and saw your perfect face, I was so stunned I couldn’t stop staring at you for at least a minute. You might have not noticed it, but I was… completely enchanted. And my first thought was,” John chuckles, wiping his eyes, “that I want to get to know you, and I want to raise children with you. Because you’re a sweet and caring and gentle soul. I just knew it. It doesn't matter if they are adopted or… I haven't even known that there's a possibility… to have my own with you… a little bit of you and me…”

Joe hasn’t thought he has any tears left but apparently he does, and he kisses John’s hand.

“My first thought when I saw you,” Joe reminiscences and chuckles softly, “was that ‘oh, this is the man with the six children! I want to have some with him, too’.”

John laughs, the sound is a bit blunt with his stuffy nose. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” Joe says, because it’s true.

It's just... Not how he imagined it.

John kisses him then, and their lips are soft and burning against each other’s.

“However you decide,” John murmurs. “I'll be by your side. And I hope I can have a child with you one day. If not now, then later.”

“Thank you. I love you,” Joe says, kissing John’s face and his eyes and finally, his lips.

John really is special.

They both have trouble falling asleep that night, so they just stay awake and talk.

Joe is so very lost at the moment, but they are there for each other, and that’s what matters.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe's trying to process his feelings and the new knowledge.

Joe’s sitting in front of his laptop in this favorite t-shirt and sweatpants, sipping his tea, one leg pulled up on the chair.

He's spent the first two days in a weird delirium, trying to distract himself from the creeping dysphoria with reading and opening his diary again, but he just couldn't concentrate.

John's been with him, trying to cheer him up and calm him and tell him stories about various things, but Joe couldn't concentrate on them, so he mostly just nodded and smiled and hugged him gratefully.

Then he couldn't take it anymore, and he's been spending the next two days googling and researching.

He googles his... condition, learns how common it is and how does it happen and what's the evolutionary explanation behind it.

He googles how he implantation happens, how long it takes, what are the common symptoms.

He googles how male pregnancy works, comparing them to 'regular' ones. He learns that it's usually a bit shorter than women’s, and men's babies are born 400 grams smaller on average, but otherwise there are no differences between children carried by men and women.

He googles other actors who are carriers, and reads about how it affected their lives and careers.

After a bit of hesitation, he googles how pregnant men look like, to really know, to observe the details. 

To his pleasant surprise, he finds out they don’t look horrible or grotesque at all.

And to his embarrassment, he finds a photographer's series who's taken some very sensual pictures of men cradling their bellies, looking very happy and… so strangely masculine. 

Joe observes them, wondering what's so different about them. They have something. Like... a glow, a unique glow. As if they knew something that others don't.

The protective fire in their eyes. The knowledge of something ancient, something primordial. Their powerful yet strangely tender posture.

Joe's been watching these pictures for hours, and he's weirdly turned on, but also… enchanted. The sight of those hairy tummies, full with a baby, caressed by thick, veiny fingers, protectively, adoringly… powerfully.

And the shape of them. The abdominal muscles, still faintly visible over the bump, the thick hair. The hip bones, still sharp, the bellies a tiny bit higher and more angular than women’s perfectly round ones. The wide shoulders, the strong thighs, the slightly swollen chests, the dark nipples. The squared jaws, the strong stubble.

Joe's watching the photos of these men, and feels…

Would he look like this, too?

There's a photo of an especially attractive man he can't take his eyes off. Black hair, blue eyes, short, dark beard. He has one hand on the top of his baby bump, the other underneath it, cradling it, protecting it, his eyes deep and enchanting, his lips parted in a slight, knowing, seductive smile.

He seduces him into this experience.

Joe leans to the monitor, breathing on it, trying to look for the secret in the pixelated image, his own lips opening.

Would he have this enchantment in his eyes, too?

He wants to feel those lips underneath his. He wants to rub that bump with his palms, all over it, his thumb drawing circles on it. He imagines kissing those hairy, stretched abs, he imagines sucking that man's engorged cock as his hands roam over his pregnant belly, feeling the baby move inside.

He swallows, inhaling before he googles pictures of naked pregnant men, some of them with raging erections, their head thrown back, pleasure on their faces, strong hands pressing hard cocks onto swollen tummies. The intoxicating mixture of masculine strength and feminine sensitivity makes Joe's face burn, his breathing becomes elevated.

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down.

He stands up, listening to whether John is around, and he sneaks into the bedroom to observe himself in the mirror.

He pulls up his t-shirt. He’s always had a little bit of a softer tummy, flat but soft, and he wonders whether it has something to do with the fact that he’s a carrier.

He knows the baby - if there is one - is not planted yet into him. That John’s sperm probably just reached his awaiting ovum, fusing together with it before rapidly beginning to divide, to create and nurture a new life.

Because they are both fertile, and now their genes are mixed.

There's a pang of love and lust in him at the thought.

He softly touches his abdomen, pushing it out a bit, trying to see how he’ll look like when - _ if _ he keeps the baby. It looks weird and probably not accurate, and he can't help but chuckle a bit. 

With a sudden idea, he grabs a pillow and tucks it under his t-shirt, shaking his head at his own silliness.

He sighs and looks in the mirror.

It’s a little more accurate. He instinctively supports the back of his waist with his hands, accommodating to the weight and shape of the pillow. He'll need to train his back muscles if he wants to avoid back pain.

He shakes his head. He’s still not sure he’s keeping it yet. It still feels so raw. He strokes his pillow-tummy, adjusting it to be similar to those of that he saw on those pictures.

He’s embarrassed, aroused and confused. He's himself, with a bit of an extra, and yet not himself anymore.

Why is he getting turned on now? His cock is pressing against his pants, against the pillow, and he chuckles because it tickles.

He’s getting tired of these mixed feelings.

He can hear John fidgeting with the kitchen drawers, fixing them. Joe smiles. John is always fixing something.

He looks in the mirror, observing himself from the sides too.

He presses on his chest, wondering whether his pecs are going to turn into breasts. He's learned that men are not always capable of breastfeeding, so maybe not. Not that his chest isn't a bit soft already. It’s always been like that.

Because he’s a carrier, and always has been.

He snorts at the thought that at least his baby won't get to choke on a chest hair.

He laughs and feels a bit relieved.

He strokes his fake tummy once more before he takes the pillow out, and goes back to researching.

He dreams he's under the shower, warm water pouring on his back, and he's kissing thick lips, stroking black hair and rough stubble, watching the model man's blue eyes rolling back in pleasure. 

Both of them are pregnant, in the fifth month or so, their bumps not overly big yet to make kissing impossible, and he's hungry like never before, hungry to discover the man and the secrets of his body.

The man is hot and manly and hairy under his touch, and they tap at each other and grab at each other and their skin is slick with shower gel, and they kiss and Joe moans as the man's large, veiny hands stroke his bump in circles, slippery and foamy, slipping down to stroke his cock with the other hand, sending different pleasures down Joe's spine.

Joe's hands roam on the man's belly, feeling the hardness of it and the thick hair and the baby moving underneath, and the man's hands are everywhere and their bumps are rubbing against each other as they kiss hotly…

The man suddenly lifts Joe's chin and smiles at him.

"Isn't this wonderful?" He asks, stroking the underside of Joe's bump, pushing Joe's cock up against it. "This is something you never imagined you could have, and something you never imagined could feel this good. Isn't it powerful?"

The man takes him in his arms, pressing their bumps and cocks together, and suddenly Joe feels his own baby moving in his womb, and the pleasure is fast and foreign, coming from within him, from an even deeper place than he thought he had, and the man moans as Joe comes together with him, forcing his eyes open to see the man's cock spurting hot, white cum on Joe's protruding belly.

He wakes up, aroused and wet and sweaty, and he rubs against John's sleeping body, careful not to wake him up, inhaling his maddening scent as he brings himself to completion with a few strokes, wishing he was able to sleep with him again, wishing he wasn't this conflicted about the whole thing.

He can feel a definite shift in his mood and his mind during the next week.

He doesn't know what it's shifting into, but he’s starting to accept there’s something inside him that not everyone has, and it makes him feel - not only like an alien, but also special. He still has two weeks or so to get the ultrasound, but he can definitely feel something… Something changing. Something is growing, something is planted in him.

Or maybe he's just imagining it, who knows.

John hasn't really mentioned it since, except asking him sometimes how he's feeling, but Joe can tell this is all on his mind, because this is all on his mind too. 

It even affects his work - not exactly a negative way, cause he’s even more emotional, the kissing scenes are even more passionate, and he feels even more protective of Emma. Emma. Of course, Emma doesn't need protection, but her character does, and the director high fives Joe after a particularly intense scene - Joe has to shield her from her abusive father, and he feels the adrenaline surging through his brain like Emma was his, his teeth bared, feeling a bit confused when the scene ends and he has to turn back into his regular self. 

Emma, and even the other actors congratulate him after the scene.

Joe laughs, and doesn't know what is happening. Are his hormones acting up already? Isn’t it too early for that?

He observes himself for other symptoms - nausea, morning sickness, but he feels nothing. But according to his research, they are not supposed to start until five or six weeks into the pregnancy.

John doesn't mention it, but at nights as they cuddle, his hands linger more and more on Joe’s tummy, Joe would not even realize it if he wasn't so attuned to his body’s changes, and to John's soul.

John. He's been abandoning his lover a bit, too preoccupied with his research, he just realizes. It’s been ten days, and for the first time in ten days, he's getting ready to have sex again.

They haven't made love since his… ovulation, and Joe presses his crotch against John’s ass as he's spooning him, so John can feel his hardness, slowly getting more prominent with each pulsation of blood into it.

He's acutely aware of his body, and for the first time in ten days he feels what had been obvious until not so long ago, what he's supposed to know already.

That he's a man.

He rubs slow circles onto John’s stomach, and John moans, immediately arching his back, reaching back to Joe’s nape, taking Joe's hand to put it on his erection that quickly stands proud under Joe’s touch.

Joe grins. John has always wanted him, from the first glance.

He remembers the first time they had sex, within half an hour after they first found each other at that reception. John approached him as soon as their eyes met, introducing himself, and they ended up in the balcony, kissing wildly and unrestrictedly like two teenagers, their hands down each other’s pants to touch--

Joe growls and he straddles John, he's conflicted again because he wants to mount him and wants to be mounted by him, his submissive and dominant sides twirling and rotating around each other like yin and yang, but John's cock is delicious as he frees it from his pajama pants and he can't decide whether to eat it or ride it.

He realizes that while they’ve been acting like two dogs in heat, they haven't had enough foreplay for ages. He wills himself to slow down, trying to savor the moment, savor John's lips with teeth and tongue, savor his body hair he's always been envious of, his large nipples that are more sensitive to touch than Joe’s own, his navel… He reaches for John's cock but he only presses a kiss on it, John's hands tangled in his hair, but he goes lower, kissing those thighs that are surprisingly muscular still for a man of his age, and John spreads them invitingly.

John's pleasured smile turns into a moan as Joe finally takes him in his mouth, enjoying the hardness rubbing on his tongue, and John is panting, and Joe feasts on his pleasure like the most delicious dessert ever.

Then John pushes him down and flips them over and straddles him.

"How do you want it?” he asks.

"Every single way that’s imaginable," Joe whispers back, and John grins, a sexy, promising grin.

They end up doing everything, and Joe’s lost in the sensations, of John’s cock, that thick, veiny cock rubbing against his more slender, lighter-skinned one, and everything is elevated, the pores of John's skin, the tickle of his body hair, the laugh lines around his eyes and the taste of his tongue that feels huge in his mouth; and John rides him, his ass taking in Joe's cock so easily, burnished together by the months they've spent together, and it’s hot, Joe groans and thrusts into that tight heat-

But then John grins and gets off him and gets the lube so smoothly that Joe doesn't even realize it, and then John's cock is poking his entrance and Joe suddenly remembers the feeling of that one fucking, remembers the feeling of John’s cock filling his wet, throbbing vagina…

He holds his breath and tenses, and at the same time he wants to take him into himself again, and John enters him, making Joe gasp. But it’s the regular feeling, it's regular anal because he's not open anymore, his vagina has closed to trap John’s seed in and protect their forming baby, and Joe hears John whispering to him…

“Joe… I love your body, your perfect body, my perfect love,” John whispers shakily, apparently not even aware of what he’s saying as he's kissing Joe's collarbones and nipples and face and lips, ''I love your face and your mouth… and your beautiful arse-- ah, fuck, your chest- your cock, your stomach, your pussy-”

Joe stiffens as John is fucking him, shame and confusion flooding his body, and he pushes against John's shoulders forcefully.

"What...?” John asks, dizzy with pleasure.

“Get off me,” Joe barks, and John pulls out and kneels up, and Joe gets out of the bed to gather his clothes from the floor.

“Joe? What…? Oh god,” John covers his mouth as he realizes what he said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult you, Joe, please-”

Joe yanks on his jeans and socks, angrily shoving his softening cock into his pants, still slick with John’s ass, putting on a t-shirt and grabbing his jacket.

“Joe, love, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, please-”

"I know that!"

Pussy, right? 

Fuck this whole shit. 

He's a fucking _ man_!

He takes a deep breath, looking at John, his pleading, desperate eyes, and John stands up, grabbing his hand, but Joe pulls it away. 

“I… I'll be back. I just need to... I need...”

He doesn't know what he needs. He needs to get out of this hell.

Out of this body.

"Please, don't do anything stupid,” he hears John’s quiet plea as he leaves, and he knows he’s not rational, but he feels demeaned and he needs to find an outlet before he takes it out on John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagined Joe's dream [like this](https://66.media.tumblr.com/06c0da05ca94600f67e0ada02533cd9d/44aa7f4539b85297-fa/s640x960/8c6c6b4cd88fffa4cd600f45267ed6d017795858.jpg).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe is looking for an outlet for his instincts and confusion, but finds something else instead.

A storm of dysphoria is pressing on Joe’s guts, and god, how he hates it.

_ John didn’t want to hurt you. It's just your hormones acting up,  _ he tells himself, but it doesn't help.

Fucking female organs. Fucking pregnancy. 

He wants to be a regular man.

He calls his doctor, not minding it’s late night, fixing an appointment to end this. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to carry, he doesn't want to be distorted, and he certainly doesn't want to give birth through his goddamn asshole.

He doesn't care that his doctor sounds sad in the phone, apparently figuring out that Joe’s upset, trying to talk some sense into him, but Joe shakes it off.

His breathing is harsh as he growls in helpless anger. The red fog is dizzying, and he gets out of his car, his jacket flapping behind him in the wind, heading towards a club area where he used to party a lot before…

Before John happened.

He needs to…

He needs to fuck someone. Someone who doesn't know what a freak he is.

He must impregnate someone. Something. Anything.

He looks around, finding a familiar logo. He knows this place, there are a lot of women here, looking for a one night stand or eternal love.

Of course, he could choose a woman to impregnate. He recognizes their fertile smell now, that faint, characteristic sweetness now that he knows how he smells like when fertile - _ "I'm always fertile, I'm a fucking man!"-, _ but that is so tedious. Anyone can impregnate a woman. Hell, even women can impregnate other women under special conditions. He’s learned that a few days ago while googling. 

He’s learned a lot recently.

But they certainly don't teach anywhere how to handle the emotional weight of being a carrier.

No, a woman won't do. 

He needs a man.

His cock twitches in his pants, very interested in the idea, and he looks around, observing the men’s faces in the stroboscope flashes, smelling the air around them like a bloodhound. 

He needs to find an ovulating man and fuck him pregnant. He wants to thrust inside a man’s pussy until his cock has completely gone dry and the guy is soaked with Joe’s cum.

He needs to find another carrier.

No, this is not the place.

He doesn't think, he lets his instincts lead him, and in the back of his mind he briefly finds it interesting to give control over to his primal brain. 

Here’s a bar he knows, he sometimes comes here. Sherry's. It will do.

He looks at himself in the glass of the front door before entering. His hair is ruffled, his jaw has prominent stubble even though he just shaved this morning, and somehow he looks more… tough. Masculine in a way he never was before.

Except that there’s an embryo growing in him. Probably. 

He's pretty sure.

He knows.

John’s child.

He shrugs, swallowing back the bile as he sits down at the bar, ordering an iced tea. A fucking iced tea. Because he doesn't want this baby, but he doesn't want to poison it either.

The cold calms him down a little and he bites the ice cube in half, the sharp cold on his tongue and gums is strangely comforting for his heated brain.

He looks around, leaning on an elbow on the counter. He knows he looks good with his chest heaving, his legs spread a little, showing his bulge, and he still has the smell of sex on him.

He's hard again, ready to fuck any minute.

There’s a guy sitting at a table who catches his attention. Tall, buff, blonde hair, high cheekbones, thick lips.

He’s almost insultingly perfect, and Joe’s tongue slips out to lick his lips.

Joe watches his profile, and the guy must sense that he’s staring because he looks up from his drink, their eyes meeting, and after a second, they both grin at the same time.

Joe's heart is beating in his throat as the man stands up, chugging up his shot and approaching him.

That was fast.

He looks younger than Joe by a few years, but his smile is charming and wise and kind.

“Hey.”

“Hi."

The guy sits down next to him, and they turn towards each other, so close that their knees are touching. “I’d buy you a drink but I see you already have an… iced tea?"

Joe grins. The guy's presence is strangely comforting and familiar as if they have met before.

"I’m afraid of whiskey dick," Joe jokes, and the guy laughs appreciatively. Joe's amazed by his deep voice, and the hairs on his nape are standing on end in arousal. “Maybe I can buy you one.”

“It would be my honor, buddy," the guy grins.

“So, what are you drinking?”

“I’m not afraid of whiskey,” the guy jokes, and Joe snorts. “A Scotch, please.”

Joe turns to the bartender, but she's already pouring the drink.

“Thank you. I’m Ben," the man says, and Joe grins as they shake hands, the touch lingering.

“I’m Joe.”

“Joseph? Or Jonah?

“Joseph. You? Benjamin or Benedict?”

“It’s a secret,” Ben winks, and they both grin.

Ben's handshake is firm and warm, his fingers are strong. What a male.

Joe’s confused for a second. The guy is a carrier, he can just tell it. But how can a carrier be this buff? This macho?

“So, Joe," Ben asks, eyeing him, not wasting any time, “you're an actor, right? You're familiar. Must have seen you in something.”

“I've been in quite a few movies, yeah, but nowadays I mostly direct. Except when I'm starring in movies I wouldn't want my mother to see.”

Interest is lighting up in Ben's eyes.

“Don't tell me you’re acting in... adult movies."

“Worse,” Joe says. “A romantic drama.”

Ben laughs.

“I'm an actor myself, but mostly in Z-category action movies, so I hope you haven't seen me in anything.”

Joe grins. "Now that we mutually self-burned, how 'bout you tell me your life story?"

Ben bites his lips, holding up his drink at Joe before gulping it up, his eyes glazing over Joe’s erection for a second, and Joe sees that he’s hard, too.

“My life story is not that special. I'm more interested in you,” Ben says in a low voice, gently putting a hand on Joe’s thigh, and Joe’s cock is throbbing.

That didn't really take long.

“I'm eager to introduce myself,” he growls suggestively, and Ben grins as he stands up, heading outside, and Joe quickly pays, tipping way more than necessary, and follows him.

They can't even make it to his car. Ben grabs him and pushes him into a dark doorway outside, pressing against him. “Okay?” he asks, and Joe nods, observing his handsome features, his sensual lips opening around panting breaths, his blue eyes. 

Ben huffs and kisses him then, their lips meeting, and Joe moans into the kiss, his hands roaming over the other man’s shoulders; then his instincts take over him and he flips themselves over and presses him against the wall. Ben’s a carrier. He’s not ripe now, he can tell it by the smell, but he’s able to get pregnant like himself, and Joe must bury his cock inside him and try to do it anyway…

Ben is kissing his neck now, panting, pressing his erection against Joe’s, pulling his hips to his. “Joe,” he whispers his name, “touch me…"

Joe growls at the invitation, his hand slipping under Ben’s shirt, grabbing at the perfect flesh, feeling strong muscles Joe’s never had-

“You- there’s something different about you-” Ben moans as he reaches for Joe’s fly, and Joe gasps, his eyes widening.

_ John. _

He grabs Ben by his shoulders and presses himself away from him, but Ben follows him, apparently taking him a few seconds to register that Joe doesn't want this anymore.

“Stop.”

“What?” Ben looks at him, panting, his hair ruffled where Joe ran his hands through it, his eyes black with lust. “Is something wrong?”

“Ben, uh…" Joe gasps, gently pressing his hands against Ben’s chest. “I don't think it’s happening tonight. I’m sorry.”

Ben’s eyes widen, he’s still panting, but he steps back, looking really disappointed and confused.

“Don't you like it? Is it too fast?”

“No, oh, no, you’re… you did nothing wrong.” Joe hopes he won't have to get into a fight with a guy he’s just met. “I just…"

“You better have an explanation, buddy, because my fucking cock is throbbing, and I can feel yours, too," Ben says, half bitter, half joking, and Joe rubs his neck awkwardly.

“Are you-” Joe stops, because it‘s really inappropriate to ask this someone he barely knows, but he’s in it now and there’s no turning back, “are you a… carrier?”

There’s a pause and a flash of warning in those blue eyes, and Ben is tensing. “What the fuck? What are you asking? Do I look like one?” 

They stare at each other tensely for a few seconds. Joe must look really miserable, because Ben loosens up slowly, understanding in his eyes. “Are you?”

Joe slowly nods, and Ben steps back, arranging his cock in his pants, shaking his head to himself before looking at Joe with an eyebrow raised. “Judging by your face, mate, I don't think you've known this for a long time.”

“For a week.”

Ben nods, observing his face for a second, his expression is softening, and he takes a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry. That must be a shock. That explains a lot though.”

Joe looks at him like he was the answer to everything in this whole, confusing world.  _ What does it explain? _ he wants to ask, but he asks something else.

"When did you learn that you are one?

Ben reaches in his pocket, taking out a cigarette before glancing at Joe and putting it back. "I was... thirteen. They did an ultrasound for appendicitis. Turned out I just had an ovary issue."

“Oh. You were young.” 

Joe likes how naturally Ben talks about his body. 

Maybe it is normal after all.

Ben looks at him again, and probably notices that Joe has his hand on his belly, and he lets out a half-smile.

“Are you expecting?”

Joe blinks. Is it that obvious?

“I… I don't know for sure. Possibly-”

“I don't want to turn your world upside down, bud,” Ben says matter-of-factly, “but if you think you might be pregnant, then you probably are.”

Joe’s heart flutters. “How do you know?”

Ben looks entertained now, loosening up, his face becoming gentle. “Because I’ve been there. I have two kids.”

“Two?” Joe stares, unable to fathom how a man can endure two pregnancies and two births. And Ben is so young... “Did you carry them?”

“Well, you asked me if I’m a carrier. What do you think?” Ben grins, slowly shaking his head. He pulls out his wallet, showing a picture of two small kids, around two and four years. The younger one, the girl looks just like him. “My son is from my ex-wife. Regular straight stuff. The second one is from my… mate. I carried her.”

Joe doesn’t know what to say. The kids are beautiful. Is he going to have a beautiful kid too? Will it look like him, or like John?

“Where is your mate?” he asks, and Ben smiles, a very sad smile.

“Dead.” A pause, and sudden tears are gathering in Joe’s eyes at Ben’s pain. “Accident. He was my stunt. Fell badly once.”

“I'm sorry.” It sounds empty, but Joe really is sorry. He can't imagine losing John like that, he can't imagine surviving it. He wipes his eyes.

“Thanks. The kids make me want to go on, so… I’m doing it for them.” Ben smiles, putting away the wallet. “So... if you’re freshly pregnant, what are you doing here, picking up and turning on and then turning down random men?”

“I was-” Joe turns super red, but Ben pats his shoulder, chuckling. 

"I know, I mean I’ve guessed. I’m just asking to mess with you. We've all been there, wanting out, prove that we're still in charge, we’re still  _ men." _

Joe feels ashamed, his face burning even hotter, but he’s super relieved to have found someone who  _ knows. _ "Can't believe I almost cheated. I feel nauseous."

Ben snorts, shaking his head. "Nah. It doesn't work like that."

"What do you mean?"

Ben leans against the wall, running his fingers through his hair.

“See… if you're pregnant, and your mate is still alive, then it means…” He stops, gathering his thoughts. “You know, ovulation in us only occurs when we find someone whose gene pool perfectly completes ours. Who makes us whole. And if you found him, and became pregnant, that means he's special. And you can't just cheat on your… soulmate. Gene mate, whatever. You would have changed your mind sooner or later. The latest before I'm taking you home and stripping you. Glad you didn't wait until then, though.”

Joe smiles apologetically as he listens to him, his hand on his belly, feeling at ease because Ben knows and he understands and he's so wise and kind.

“I’m sorry I took it out on you. My… confusion.”

“Shit happens, bud.” Ben shrugs. “I guess I’m wanking again tonight.”

Joe snorts, but his mind is already at John, his… his own mate. He takes out his phone, seeing that there’s a text from him, sent a few minutes ago, possibly as he was kissing Ben. He blushes.

_ “Joe, are you okay?” _

Joe smiles, his heart filling with an intense love for John, the mere thought of him makes him happy.

_ “I’m okay, I’m with a friend. I’ll be home soon.” _

He puts his phone away, and there is a comfortable silence, and Joe smiles at Ben.

"Thank you."

“Hey.” Ben gestures with his head. “What do you say we go to a quiet place and talk some more? I bet you have a lot of questions.”

Joe is hesitating. He barely knows him, and he should be heading home… But on the other hand, they have this connection. And he really indeed is curious about a first-hand experience.

Ben smiles, standing in front of him and leaning close, Joe can feel his breath tickling his face.

"Buddy, not gonna lie. You're extremely attractive, I'd like nothing more than to sleep with you, and your touch... wasn't ineffective," he smiles encouragingly, gently stroking Joe's face once before stepping back, “but I'm not going to make a move at someone who's in love.”

“You’re very fucking hot, too,” Joe says, “and I promise it’s not my hormones speaking.”

Ben grins, and Joe’s grateful for him. He’s cheerful, and for the first time since his ovulation, calm.

Maybe he’s indeed found a new friend.

They talk for hours, and Joe learns a lot about pregnancy and labor and babies, and he chuckles at Ben’s pregnancy pics. “You were super hot even then,” he teases him, and Ben nudges him in the shoulder with his. But he indeed was hot, his eyes were gleaming and his body looked strong, like those pictures Joe was googling, and Joe can’t help but wonder whether he’ll be hot too. 

Whether he’s ready to take care of a baby.

A baby. From his flesh and John’s. Ben asks him about John, and Joe asks him about his late husband, but then he gets back to newborns and breastfeeding and diapers and socializing and the world’s opinion of pregnant men, and Ben laughs at him. “Calm down, bud, you’ll be fine, I promise,” and when it’s past 2 am and Joe really has to go, Ben hugs him in front of the bar, wishing him the best.

“Text me whenever you need,” and Joe thanks him, suddenly pressing a happy and uninhibited kiss on Ben’s lips as a goodbye, and Ben smacks his ass playfully before disappearing into the night.

Joe heads home, his mind clear, clearer than before, and he can’t wait to have John in his arms again.

He expects John to be asleep, but the lights are on and he’s up, going through old photos of Joe and himself in their bed with his reading glasses on his nose, putting down the album when Joe enters.

Joe hugs him wordlessly, and John hugs him back so tight the air is pressed out of his lungs.

“Love,” John says then, pain and relief in his eyes, “please don’t do this ever again.”

“I’m sorry,” Joe whispers, looking aside guiltily, but John’s lips touch his, and Joe drinks from them like they were the fountain of youth.

John strokes his hair questioningly, and Joe inhales and tells him everything.

Everything.

The appointment, the lust, the kiss, the touch, the knowledge, the new friend.

And John listens.

“Joe,” John says when Joe’s finished, tears in his eyes, “I understand that you’re upset, and you don’t want to keep… our baby, but… I can’t stand the thought of someone else touching you. Please. Don’t do it again. Anything but that.”

“I’m not doing it ever again, I swear,'' Joe says, wiping down John’s tears as John wipes his off, and John hugs him.

“He told me,” Joe whispers, “that we can only make a baby if our genes are the best match for each other. We are meant for each other. Isn’t this wonderful?”

John growls, pulling Joe protectively in his arms. “It is, and I’m not letting you go. You’d have to kill me first.”

“I’m not leaving,” Joe murmurs. “I’m never leaving.”

“Are you feeling better?” John asks after a while, breathing on his neck.

“Much better,” Joe says as he lays John down and puts his head on his chest, “much better. I'm not alone.”

Joe’s still not sure he’s ready to be a dad, but he feels strangely free.

“You were never alone,” John says, kissing his forehead, and they slowly fall asleep in each other’s arms.

“There it is.”

Joe looks at the screen where his insides are shown, narrowing his eyes so he can see where the doctor is pointing at.

“See? The lining is very thick, and there’s that little point there. That's the zygote.”

Joe sees a very faint white spot on the screen, and he stares at it stupidly for a while.

Everything is fine with him.

Joe doesn’t quite remember the rest of the examination, except when the doctor confirms his appointment, telling him that the abortion can be performed in three more weeks if he still wants it. It’s easy. It takes about twenty minutes, the recovery is only a day, and then his life will be the same as before.

Joe takes the results from the doctor’s hand dizzily, and after he promises he’ll make a phone call about his decision, he gets outside.

He makes it to his car this time.

He sits at the steering wheel for a while, processing what he’d already known, but what has been confirmed now.

Their embryo is there. A part of John’s and his body, fused together, creating a new life.

He opens the papers, reading the description, then looking at the photo of the zygote.

The very first picture of their... baby.

Joe slowly grins before breaking out in a sob, but it’s a happy sob and there’s a surge of emotions through him, the feeling of floating and the feeling of power and the feeling of freedom and omnipotence, and he laughs then, an open, loud, energetic laugh like that of a maniac, pressing the photo to his tummy.

He’s never felt more one with the universe.

John is puttering with something when Joe arrives home, looking excited.

“Joe, I want to tell you something-”

Joe grins.

“I want to tell you something, too.”

John smiles, taking Joe’s hand and leading him to the balcony where he has lunch prepared, with flowers in a vase and a jug of apple juice and a bottle of wine and two huge plates.

“Wow, it's pretty. Is it our anniversary?” Joe jokes, and John smacks his butt.

“You know it’s in February. No, I just wanted to cheer you up, and I know the way to your heart is through your stomach.”

“Hey.” Joe pokes him, but it's true, and he’s observing the food on the table. His favorites. Pizza and donuts and salad and everything.

“Are you trying to make me fat?” he grins, turning towards John, but the grin goes away, because John looks at him seriously, taking Joe’s hand.

Something is happening.

“Joe, I’ve…” John clears his throat, looking nervous. “I’ve had this for a while. But you know how I am - I wasn't sure if you wanted it. I’m old, and, you know...”

He takes out a little box from his pocket, and Joe’s heart almost stops. John continues, his voice breaking, but he goes on as he sinks onto a knee. 

“Don’t think this is because of… our possible baby. I’ve wanted to ask you this within the first week I’ve known you.” The box opens, and there’s a gold ring in it, the most beautiful and elegant one Joe’s ever seen. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Do you… will you spend it with me-?”

Joe gasps, his heart burning, he doesn't even need to think. “Yes, yes,” he cries out before John can even finish, kneeling down and hugging him and kissing him. 

“Will you marry me?” John whispers, looking like he doesn't quite believe how lucky he is, and Joe relishes his lips and pulls him so close he might break John’s spine in half.

John takes the ring out of the box, showing it to Joe, and Joe giggles like a schoolgirl as he sees little dinosaurs engraved to the underside, and John grins at him as he puts the ring on Joe’s finger with trembling hands.

They’re kissing for minutes, Joe’s dizzy with the promise of a future together, so dizzy he almost forgets that he also has a surprise.

He didn't tell John about today’s checkup, but now’s the time.

“John,” Joe says after panting a bit for air, grinning in excitement, “I have something for you too.”

He reaches in the pocket of his jacket. “Close your eyes,” he says, and John obeys, smiling questioningly, and Joe places a box and a piece of paper in his hand.

John looks up, opening the box with trembling hands. 

There's a little pacifier in it, and Joe grins, tearing up at the realization in John’s eyes. 

“Really?” John whispers, his face glowing, and Joe nods, and John wipes his eyes with a little sob.

“John,” Joe grins, stroking John’s cheek, “will you be my baby daddy?”

“God, yes,” John says in a broken voice, and Joe doesn’t think he can be hugged tighter than before. “Joe, really? Really? Are you keeping it?”

“Yes, I’m keeping it,” Joe tells him. 

It feels so good to say it out loud, he’s finally at peace with his body because it’s okay, he’s got this, his body is able to do it like so many men’s and women’s before, and because there’s something that’s both John and him, and that’s what matters.

“Thank you,” John says, his eyes red and his cheeks wet, and Joe cries as he chuckles.

“Take a look at the picture,'' he says, and John looks at the first picture of the ultrasound, and Joe points at their child-to-be, the white dot. “There it is. Three weeks old.”

John stares at it, gently stroking the paper before chuckling. “It has your eyes,” he jokes, and Joe snorts, laughing like an idiot.

John kisses him, and Joe kisses him back, and John is already touching him and Joe arches his back into his caress, and they end up making out on the balcony floor, the chairs rustling and falling over but it doesn’t matter.

“Joe, love, can’t believe you have our baby,” John mutters as he drags his lips over Joe’s whole body, kissing his tummy for ages. “My baby. Our baby. Oh god, I’m so happy--”

“Yes, I have it,” Joe moans because it feels so good to say it out loud, “we’re engaged and I’m pregnant with your child and I’m gonna bear it and give birth to it and gonna raise it and nurture it with you and we’re going to show the world to it and we’re going to be a family-”

“I can't wait,” John says as they rub against each other, and it feels so good and feels so right and Joe savours every second of it. “I can't wait to be fathers with you,” John moans into Joe’s neck and Joe is coming and he pulls his love, his fiancé with himself into a heap of love of the three of them, the perfect family, becoming one for a few blissed moments.

The pizza is getting cold, but it’s good even when it’s cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought, huh? Haha.  
Ben is a national treasure.  
Turned out very sappy and I don't regret it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe is insecure about his body and the changes in his self-view.

Joe hates his body right now.

He’s standing in front of the mirror, his shirt tucked up on his belly to his chest, and his hand is stroking his bump.

He's in the fourth month, so it's not that huge yet, but it already feels weird.

There are not a lot of men who are able to get pregnant, but he’s one of them. John says he’s lucky that he can get to experience both ‘the male and female aspects of life’, and Joe is really happy, but after the third month, it started to get more… real, and weird.

He sighs frustratedly. He’s happy for their child, happy that he can carry a part of John with him, and create something that’s both of them, but he still has to get used to it.

John finds him there, looking at himself from the sides. It’s showing. He’s not completely distorted yet, but there’s a definite bump.

“Hello, love,” John says cheerfully, standing behind him and kissing his neck, his large hands covering Joe’s on his belly. “Admiring yourself?”

“Hey, handsome,” Joe says, smiling at John in the mirror, leaning his head back so they can kiss, and John turns him around and takes him in his arms.

John’s kiss is electrifying. The man Joe has chosen. His love, his husband. His future, the father of his child.

His wonderful smell and taste…

Joe is getting turned on. It happens more frequently now that his morning sickness has ceased. Not that he had too much in the first place, they say women have it worse, but it was still quite unpleasant.

John moans as their kiss deepens, pressing his very flat, very manly stomach against Joe’s rounding tummy, and Joe’s hands slip under his shirt, wanting to feel skin.

“Oh,” John moans into his mouth, grabbing desperately at him, and Joe feels amazing, he feels so sexy that he can reduce John to a moaning mess with a single kiss and a single touch.

They part with a sigh, and John reaches to touch Joe’s tummy, stroking it lovingly. “How are my darlings feeling tonight?” he asks, and Joe grimaces, pulling away a bit.

“Fine.”

He looks away. Damn, he’s started to feel horrible in a second again. He feels like a mere body that carries a baby. He feels…

“What’s wrong, love?” John asks, tenderly lifting up his chin. “Are you feeling bad? Did I do something? You were all kisses and moans a second ago and now you’re cold.”

Joe looks at him, considering whether John would find stupid what he wants to say. But they always tell each other everything.

“John, I-” How does he really feel? “I feel… weird. I feel… emasculated.”

John takes his hand and kisses it, looking at him seriously, waiting for him to continue. “Hm.”

“I feel like I’m…” Joe gathers his thoughts. “I feel I’m losing my… I don't know. Identity? I mean, I’m a man and I still carry a baby, I feel like… I don't know. I know it’s normal, even though it’s rare, but I feel like a freak. Like, a transition between a man and a woman. And… I don't know what to do with it.”

“I see.” John kisses his face, and Joe closes his eyes. “I see. I think I understand, come, sit down. We can talk about it more if you want.”

Joe nods, and John leads him to the couch, gently taking him in his arms.

“Joe… I can't imagine how you feel. I can’t bear babies, I’m not the same type as you. But… I wish I knew. I wish I could feel how it’s like. I’d really love to experience it. And… I think you’re really lucky that you can have this. I can't even imagine how hard it can be, but… I wish I knew.”

Joe sighs, somehow feeling better. John’s words have made him feel less like a freak and more… special. Even privileged.

John really is something else.

“Thank you,” Joe says, kissing his husband again, savoring his lips. “I feel better actually. It’s just… I still have to get used to it. It might be ridiculous but I’m not as… _ masculine _as I used to be, and it feels weird. And a little gross.”

“I’m sorry, love,” John says, stroking his face. Joe smiles. He really is so loving. “Want to tell me how it feels? Would it help?”

“Yeah,” Joe says, leaning back and sighing. They haven’t really talked about this, they talked more about practical stuff, like how to decorate the baby room. It’s another thing that annoys him, being less mobile than he used to be, but then the baby shifts in his belly and Joe gasps. “Hey, she moved. Wanna touch?”

Joe puts John’s hand on his tummy and smiles as he can feel the baby move. They are going to have a daughter, as far as they know. John leans down to kiss Joe's bump, watching it undulating a little as the baby kicks, and John grins.

“How does it feel like?” He looks up at Joe, feeling his tummy with both hands.

“It’s… intimate.” Joe is looking for the right words. “You know, it’s like a secret that only the two of us share, very unique. There’s only she and I, and I can feel her growing and developing, I can feel when she has a bad day or when she's feeling more energetic… It’s really exciting.”

John smiles, pressing another kiss on his tummy, putting his ear against it to hear it.

“Joe, you know it's temporary, right?” John leans up then, leaving his hand there to feel their baby and kiss Joe again. “It must be weird living in a changed body, but it’s only a few months, and then you’ll be your regular self again. You’re going to be a strong, loving daddy, you’re going to run around again and play with our daughter and take her everywhere and… You're going to be your old self. Not that I find your ‘current self’ weird.”

Joe grins, feeling much better. Yeah, it’s only temporary, and the prize is right there.

“Besides,” John winks at him as he moves to kiss Joe’s neck, his lips eager and hot. “I think you’re incredibly hot.”

“Am I?” Joe asks, sighing as his lust flares up again. John’s touch is irresistible…

John is such an alpha male, and boy, does he go crazy for him.

“Joe, you’re still so manly,” John coos, his hands slipping under Joe's shirt, stroking his back as he’s devouring his lips. “Your arms are so muscular and strong, and you have such a wide back and I love your body hair and your smell…” 

Joe lets him strip him, not being ashamed of his body at the moment, John looks at him with such hunger in his eyes. He kisses him and pulls Joe on top of himself, and Joe kneels up, tucking up John’s shirt and licking his stomach, his very hairy chest, his nipples, feeling John moan and run his fingers through his hair.

John is right. He’s still a man, and Joe is going to prove it to him, and to himself.

“Joe,” John moans as if he was reading his mind, “I want you to fuck me…”

Joe groans. It’s been a while since they made love like that, and his cock is standing at full attention in his sweatpants at the thought as he goes lower, smelling John’s scent through his jeans, eagerly opening his buttons, yanking his jeans down. 

His tummy is in the way, but he just shifts and chuckles as he takes John’s cock in his mouth, letting his flavor spread on his tongue.

Oh, god, how he’s missed being in charge.

John is mewling under him, spreading his legs so Joe can fit between them, and Joe pushes John’s knees up and sucks eagerly, slipping lower to lick his hole.

“I wanna make you come,” he whispers on John’s skin, and John groans, pulling away and eagerly kicking down his jeans from a leg where it's been hanging, taking his shirt off, and Joe strips too, stepping out of his pants, and there they are, both naked, and John is looking over his body like it was the most beautiful thing ever.

“Come to bed,” John says, jumping at him when they stand and devouring his lips, and Joe pushes his tongue in his mouth so John can taste himself, and John moans, not letting him go as they stumble towards the bedroom.

Joe wants to fuck so badly.

He pushes John onto the bed, and John gestures him closer and crawls to the edge of the bed, hungrily sucking Joe’s dick and massaging his balls, his head bumping against Joe’s belly and they chuckle, and Joe feels like he’s in heaven. 

Then John lets his cock pop out of his mouth and lays on his back, winking at Joe invitingly, and Joe smiles as John reaches for the lube on their nightstand and pours some on his fingers and spreads his legs and pushes a finger into himself, then another; and Joe drools, his cock twitching violently at the sight of John's erection, veiny and purple, and the sight of his fingers disappearing in his ass.

“Ready, I'm ready for you,” John moans, arching his back, pleasure on his face, and Joe climbs next to him.

“In a month I won't be able to see what I'm doing,” he giggles, and John laughs too, a short, snorting laugh as he takes out his fingers.

Joe briefly strokes his own tummy, feeling his baby moving excitedly as he takes the lube and pours it on himself. He’s reaching for a condom, but John puts his hand on his. 

“Don't need it. Come in me bareback.” 

Joe shivers. “Hell yes,” he whispers, and he wastes no time, leaning on his hands and towering over John between his legs and lowering himself, his tummy pressing against John’s cock and it’s funny but it’s so hot, and then there’s John’s heat, embracing him, pulling him in, and he loses his mind, he feels his throat vibrate around a growl.

“God, yes,'' John moans, throwing his head back in pleasure, and Joe pins his hands down as he starts to move, it's a bit more difficult now that he has a bump but he finds the angle, and John wraps his legs around him.

“Oh, Joe, yes, use me,” John moans, and Joe can't resist, he leans down and kisses him, John’s tongue filling his mouth as his cock fills John now, and god, he almost forgot what it feels like, fucking someone instead of getting fucked, and he groans as he thrusts, his back arching.

“My, you're amazing,” John whispers, his fingers digging in Joe’s hands.

“Is it good?” Joe moans, fucking harder, his arms tensing, thrusting his hips against John’s ass.

“Yeah, oh, you’re so strong and… ah- so _ manly, _ pin me down and make me yours…”

Joe grins as he gives it to John as hard as he can, fuck, he’s so hot on the inside, and John arches his hips so he can rub his cock against Joe’s belly, and Joe groans because the skin under his navel is so sensitive, his whole body is so sensitive and it sends pleasure up his spine and into his brain.

“Joe, I--” John groans, his face is scarlet, is he already there?

“What is it, love?” Joe moans, leaning on his elbows so he can get closer to John, feel his whole body even closer…

“I-- want to know how it feels--”

“Yeah?” Joe grins, fuck, he’s never felt so powerful before, and somehow very, very complete, and now he feels not like a freak, but someone who’s only becoming stronger by the experience. And John… he’s perfect.

“Oh, honey, if you only knew,” he groans in delight because his baby is kicking and it adds an extra sensation to his already burning body, “oh god, it feels like being caressed from both the inside and the outside, oh fuck, it’s so hot and I fucking love you both and my fucking heart is bursting with love for both of you and I’ve never loved you as much as I love you now that you’ve made me a father…”

John groans, finally looking up and touching Joe’s face, and Joe sees the same enchantment in John’s eyes as he feels, and his love burns so strong and it’s incredible.

“Joe, you’re so perfect,” John says, his voice a breathless moan, he must be getting close, Joe knows it by how his voice is getting weaker and his breathing elevated and his whole chest is flushed and his nipples are hard and Joe leans down to lick them, and John mewls. 

“Am I?” Joe grins, he’s rarely felt so free and unrestricted before. “Do you like to get fucked by a pregnant man, right? Oh god, your ass is amazing-”

John chuckles, breathless, his whole body sweating.

“Only by you, love-- I want to experience it, too, I want to… fuck, I want you to-”

His voice breaks and Joe growls, sweat is pouring from his pores and John’s body and John’s love are like a fucking drug, he's never felt this high ever now that he’s carrying his child, drugs are nothing compared to this--

“What do you want, love?” he whispers into John’s ear, “do you want to get pregnant to know how it feels like?” John groans, his cock twitching against Joe’s bump and Joe arches his back to rub it against it more. “You want me to come inside you, want me to plant a baby in you? It would be so fun, we could be pregnant together…”

Joe chuckles because it's ridiculous but also very fucking hot, the hottest thing he’s ever imagined, and John leans his head back, his whole neck tensing and the veins are pulsating and he seems like out of his mind as he’s panting and groaning.

“Yes, Joe- love- fuck me, fuck a baby in me- Joe, my love, fucking breed me-”

Goddamn. Joe groans, John's words making his whole body burn, his body’s on fire and he's never felt this powerful and he grabs John's cock and he yells as he suddenly, explosively spurts, filling John up and John’s cum is spurting all over Joe’s round belly, and Joe groans as he’s coming inside his husband in waves after waves.

Holy shit.

“Oh my fucking god,” he groans when he finds himself lying halfway on John, his chest and tummy all covered in John’s cum, and his own dripping out of John. “Oh my god. Did I actually… uh…”

John is still staring at the ceiling, absentmindedly rubbing Joe’s back. 

“What?”

“John, is it possible that I actually made you pregnant?”

John blinks a few times, then shakes his head. “I doubt it. I don't have the… inner organs for that. And I think I’m too old for it anyway. I don't think it’s possible after forty-something.”

Oh.

For a few seconds, Joe almost feels sad, but then he grins.

“Feel it,” he says, putting John hand just under his navel. “Feel her just rocking gently? She’s high on endorphins.”

John chuckles, gently pressing on Joe’s belly. “Amazing. Really amazing.” John then looks at him, and kisses him, and Joe can't get enough of this man’s lips.

“Joe, I meant what I said. You’re still yourself, you’re still the most beautiful man I ever laid my eyes upon, and I’m forever grateful that you’re bearing my child.”

Joe lazily smiles, covering themselves with the blanket.

“I love you. And I want some snacks.”

“I’ll get you something in a second,” John murmurs, obviously on the verge of falling asleep, and Joe cuddles against him, resting his belly against his side as they’re both dozing off.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe tries on a few new clothes when his old ones don't fit anymore, and he finds out that he's not unattractive. At all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some breeding kink, masturbation, self-worship and mirror sex in this chapter. Nasty as always.

Joe knew this day would come eventually, but it somehow still hit as a surprise.

The day when he can't button his pants anymore.

He stands there stupidly in his favorite pair of jeans, and the button stubbornly refuses to stay in place.

He gives up after a while, spreading his hands, a bit annoyed but also entertained.

He's in the sixth month of his pregnancy and it’s been an adventure so far, but now comes the less fun part when he'll need bigger clothes.

He sighs resignedly, giving up and putting on a pair of looser pants, and sits to the computer. He measures himself before he starts googling, finding an online store especially for carriers. 

The clothes are not too bad, most of them looking really average, only with different cut - certainly better than wearing maternity clothes as an alternative -he cringes at the thought-, or plus-size versions of regular men’s clothes. He grimaces at the prices though, but in the end he sighs, taking out his credit card.

John jokes that he should be walking around naked when Joe tells him about his day, and Joe's amused by the idea, but it certainly can’t be taken seriously. “I’ll definitely borrow some of your old man sweaters for later,” he jokes, and John smacks his butt playfully.

The package arrives a few days later, and Joe walks into their bedroom to try on his new clothes while John is visiting his kids.

He's wearing an old t-shirt, his favorite that’s very very tight now on his tummy, and as he moves, his daughter kicks.

"I'm on it, cut me some slack, girl," Joe says, chuckling. 

He ordered about twenty shirts for now, and a few even bigger sizes for the last months as well, hoping he won't get any bigger than those. 

He tries on the ones he bought for now. The plain white ones are fitting his arms and shoulders, and his rounding tummy as well. Nice. They’re comfortable and go with every sweater and jacket.

There's a tentative kick. "Yeah, I know they are nothing special, but we have to get something for the weekdays," he says, stroking his tummy.

All of them hug his body perfectly, and he's very satisfied. He doesn't feel weird or gross.

He's a carrier, he looks good, and he's proud.

He has some shirts in other colors: a deep green that brings out his eyes, a rusty color matching his hair, a black one, very elegant.

He giggles as he tries on a T-rex t-shirt. It's loose and comfy, and he'll be able to wear it until the last minute.

And there's the treat. 

He’s saved it for last. 

A dark blue silk shirt, the best material ever, it's almost orgasmic as he slips into it, and it surrounds his body perfectly. His daughter shifts gently in his womb as if making herself comfortable. 

"It’s perfect," Joe says, putting a hand on his taut tummy, feeling it through the cool material. "Do you like it, Rory? Both of your daddies are going to love this."

His baby kicks as if in answer, and he laughs softly. She really is a communicative baby.

He admires himself in the mirror from the sides as well and he turns to see his back. From behind, it's not noticeable at all that he's pregnant. He stayed nicely proportionate, wide shoulders, narrow hips.

He turns again, the material gently swooshing, and he shivers.

Why is his skin so sensitive? He feels the silk caressing his shoulders and his arms that are still muscular -he didn't stop exercising, he just doesn't lift and skips the abdominals-, his belly, his chest. His nipples are poking through his shirt and Joe groans and he gently circles them with his fingers.

He's getting hard, and the tensing of his cock makes him realize that he hasn't tried on his new pants yet.

He had to buy jeans that were made for carriers with adjustable waistbands. He pulls them on, and he laughs as he realizes he can't zip up the fly. Not because he missed the size, but because his cock is in the way. 

He gives up after a few minutes, and he glances into the mirror, stopping, stunned. There's a glimpse of…

Something beautiful.

Something otherworldly.

He stares at his shape, slowly opening his shirt.

His tummy is… very cute. A bit angular, not too big yet, but his daughter's movements are already very visible. A small bump here, a little hill there. A foot, maybe an elbow. That bigger one might be her head.

Joe smiles as he strokes it, watching his long, slender, veiny fingers caressing himself.

Why is it so sensual? 

He finds himself… very attractive. Just like how those carrier models were in those pictures.

He observes his body as he steps out of his jeans.

So much hair. His chest used to be almost completely smooth, but now there's a bigger patch of hair across it, covering his nipples too, a trail leading down to his navel that's still not protruding, thank god. And his happy trail down under, leading to his pubic hair, thicker now, it grows so strong he has to trim it if he wants to properly see his dick. He laughs at this, stroking his belly and his daughter inside it.

"You wanted a very masculine daddy, and you made him hot for yourself, right?" He giggles as he talks to her, and his daughter shifts in agreement.

His nipples are a bit swollen, preparing to feed their child. He touches them, and the feather-light caress of his fingertips sends a jolt of pleasure right into his cock.

He breathes faster, leaning a hand against the mirror as he steps closer to it.

Not for the first time, he feels weird.

But it's a good weird now.

Damn, he's hot. What a man he is.

A carrier. Strong and brave and sexy, as John always tells him.

His lips part and he kneels down, slowly breathing on the mirror, watching the dew evaporate before he's kissing himself in the mirror, the cool glass is slippery under his mouth, his tongue leaving a wet trail. 

His lips are so full, and his stubble is so rough, his teeth so white behind his parted lips.

His eyes are so much darker and deeper with the knowledge of creation. A new life growing inside him, building from his cells, his blood, his flesh, and not everyone knows how that feels. This rush of power through him is intoxicating.

He's getting turned on by himself, and he'd laugh at how silly it is if it wasn't so good.

But it's okay. Nobody has to know.

He strokes a nipple, harder now, gently pinching it before rubbing his whole palm against it, the other hand massaging his tummy all around, underneath and the sides and the upper part and he dips a fingertip into his navel, running his hand through the hair that covers his skin.

His daughter rocks gently, apparently enjoying the caress and the dopamine surging through Joe's brain. His pleasure is her pleasure, and he groans. He'll do it all day for her if it makes her feel that good.

He keeps caressing his bump as his other hand slips down to his cock, and he looks up.

His cock. He's not sure he's not just imagining it, but it seems… bigger. Thicker. He watches it standing proudly and pointing almost completely upwards, so much that it rests against his belly. There's precum dribbling down on it, and he grabs the base and watches as a drop falls down, pulling a clear string with it.

He's drooling at the sight and damn, he wishes he was able to take himself in his mouth now.

He chuckles.

His hand wanders down to his balls, so full and taut, and he moans under his own touch as he gently cups them and rolls them and massages them and warms them-

Damn, if he gets so turned on by himself, he'd lose his mind if John was here.

John.

The father of his child. The man who made him pregnant, the man who made him a father, who made him learn what he is, who he is.

The image of John's face sends a pang of pleasure and love across his heart and body, and he groans, taking himself in his hand and stroking, pumping slowly, squeezing out every drop, smearing it over his length.

His daughter softly rocks inside him, sending pleasure along his whole abdomen and groin.

"Enjoying yourself, huh?" He asks breathlessly, grinning, and he's watching himself, his swollen tummy and hairy chest, his big, flushed cock, and his face, his stubbled jaw, his reddened lips and his knowing, deep, dark eyes.

Suddenly he imagines John watching him.

John, sitting in the chair next to him, staring at him, his lips parted in admiration and lust, his tongue slipping out to lick his lips. 

Joe moans, his tongue swiping over his own lips.

John would be drooling, he'd be shoving his hands into his boxers and slowly jerking off at Joe's little show, watching Joe's hand caressing the curve of his belly and the length of his cock.

Joe groans freely, unrestrictedly, a deep, growling sound, his voice is even deeper than before, watching himself, imagining John wanking and panting as he's watching Joe jerking off; he imagines John's encouraging words and his pleasured groan, and Joe throws his head back, showing off his body for the mirror and John and for the whole world to see. 

John wouldn't be able to take it anymore then, he would crawl over to him and grab Joe's hair and his jaw and he'd slide his cockhead over Joe's lips; and Joe moans and reaches his tongue out, licking the air and his lips as he remembers John's taste and his slippery precum and the hardness of his thick, veiny cock deep inside his mouth that he loves so fucking much, he imagines John caressing his hair and tugging on it and moaning and flooding Joe's mouth with cum-

It's too much, he yelps out John's name in pleasure as he comes and spurts all over the mirror and himself, his daughter undulating together with him under his hand, inside his womb, riding the waves of Joe's muscles contracting in ecstasy.

He comes down panting.

He almost has a heart attack as he notices John, the real John standing in the doorway, his mouth hanging open.

Joe flushes bright red, and then he laughs in embarrassment. Oh well. He got busted.

He turns as he rubs his hands all over himself, grinning apologetically at his husband.

"Um… hi. How much did you see?" He asks, and John snaps out of his stunned state and he grins, a lustful, possessive grin.

"Enough. And heard enough." He palms his cock through his jeans before he strides over to Joe, leaning down to give him a brutal, sloppy kiss, and Joe moans as he eagerly licks his tongue. "Enough for me not to be able to resist you, to get turned on. Aren't you going to do something about it?"

Joe grins, reaching up to John's belt. "Anything you want me to do."

John smiles, this time soft and tender, stroking Joe's hair.

"You take my breath away, always, forever." He smiles cheekily. "Now please me, my husband."

Joe grins as he takes out John's cock and swallows it.

John groans, gently stroking Joe cheeks that are hollowing as he sucks, and John throws his head back in pleasure, and Joe moans with him, his mouth watering as John's cock rubs on his tongue; he plays with John’s foreskin and he really enjoys it because he is circumcised and he doesn't have one, and it's so delicious and interesting…

"Joe," he hears John moaning his name, "Joe, love, darling, oh Joe, oh god yes…"

Joe moans and sucks harder and tongues harder and holds onto John's hips, rubbing his tummy on John's legs and he chuckles because it's funny, because he's happy that John is here…

"Joe…” John asks then tenderly, “I want to fuck you, will you let me?"

Joe lets him go with a moan.

"Yes, you can have my body any time, any way you want it," he moans, and John is already pulling him up by his hands and hugs him and kisses him, gently stroking the small of his back, and Joe pushes his tongue in his mouth to let John feel his own taste. 

He's hard again. He's always hard whenever John touches him like this, and he's nudging John towards the bed.

"Pretty shirt," John says casually, observing the material before he strips Joe off the shirt and boxers, and Joe smiles "thanks", already naked, naked and hard and pregnant, and he loves it because he knows he's sexy, and that is the hottest feeling ever.

John looks at him as he climbs over Joe and presses him onto the bed, his eyes twinkling.

"I swear to god you're becoming even more handsome day by day," he says in wonder, stroking Joe's cheek, and Joe grins at him, he's happy and confident and John is so sweet and he wants to become one with him so much…

John is kissing his body then, sucking tiny love bites onto Joe's neck but Joe doesn't mind, he loves to be marked and he loves to make the world see that he's this man's, and John mouth is on his nipples and he sucks and Joe yelps, his cock twitching, and his baby moving in reaction, and John's hands are feeling his bump. John chuckles, he loves to make their baby fidget as he pleasures Joe.

John's lips are sucking his chest and his tongue is circling his nipple and Joe just stretches lusciously on the bed and moans and wraps his legs around John's hips. John keeps pinching his nipples and rubbing his cock against Joe's and pressing them against his swollen, full tummy, and Joe yelps, wishing this would last forever…

John moans, stroking and massaging and licking Joe’s belly and their baby, and Joe hears himself begging him to suck him. John obeys, his mouth incredibly hot and wet and he then just_ sucks _and Joe cries out, thrusting into his mouth as John's hand roam his belly, and there's a finger circling Joe's entrance and pushing in and Joe begs for more…

"Can't take it anymore," John whispers, tearing off his clothes and Joe hungrily watches him revealing his body, and they both reach for the lube and they chuckle.

Joe pulls his legs up as much as he can when John lies between them, and John kisses him as he lines them up and enters him slowly, so Joe can feel every inch of him, and Joe yelps as he gets filled up, it's so mind-blowingly amazing he just holds onto John's shoulders, unthinking, only feeling.

"You're beautiful," John whispers, full of love and Joe lets out a little sob.

"You're gorgeous too," he whispers as they're fucking slowly, John's back is wide and sweaty under his hands, and John lies on him, carefully but enough to feel each other's skin, and Joe gasps as his ass is filled up and it feels so fucking good to be so full with John's baby and John's cock-

Joe moans into his ear and John thrusts and thrusts, sitting back on his heels so he has proper access to Joe's body, and his hands are _ everywhere- _

"You're so… fuck, you're something else," John says again, his hands covering Joe's belly, and Joe's cock strains and drips hard at his praise. "God, Joe, you're amazing like this… fuck, I want to make you pregnant again and again just to see you like this- ah fuck- to feel you like this-"

Joe groans and yes, he definitely wants to do this again-

"Tell me more," he moans, because he wants to hear it and he loves what he is, he loves his feminine side and his masculine side, and John loves all of him. "Tell me how I feel-"

John groans, pushing his cock into Joe's hole over and over, stroking his prostate to make him mewl. "Fuck, love, you're so hot, I fucking love how big and round your tummy is, and it will grow ever bigger, fuck- and I love your thick cock and how masculine you are but how soft and tender your whole pregnancy is still-"

Joe groans, his hand wandering to his dick. How can this be so fucking hot?

Everything is hot with John- 

“Wanna see yourself, wanna see how hot you are?” John pants, and Joe nods, and John pulls out of him. "Get to the mirror then," he says, tugging on Joe's hand, and Joe grins and obeys as John presses him to all fours in front of the mirror, strictly but gently, and Joe loves to be manhandled and he pushes his ass out for him-

John groans, biting into Joe’s ass and licking his hole before kneeling behind him, pulling Joe up and hugging him from behind as he enters him again and they both cry out, and Joe grabs the edges of the mirror.

John is panting, frantic and full of lust and Joe lives for it.

"See?" John growls into his ear. “Look at yourself, how beautiful, how glowing and radiating you are, so fucking _ delicious _\- you were made for this, you were made to grow my child in you-"

Joe groans in answer. "Yes, I was made for it, I was meant to be your carrier," and he's watching them in the mirror, his bump under John's large hand, his cock twitching and dripping and John collects the stream of his precum with a finger and sucks it off, and Joe grins and moans and John grins back and bites Joe's ear.

"Masturbate for me, love," he whispers, "like you did before you screamed my name, touch yourself, I want to see again, it was so fucking sexy-"

"God, John," Joe hears himself moan out, not even knowing anymore what his words are but John seems to be in the same condition, he just stares at Joe's body in the mirror, his hands around him and his lips are on Joe's neck and his eyes are so dark and possessive and protective that Joe can't stand it, he closes his eyes as his fingers wrap around his cock and squeeze. 

"Fuck, I love to be pregnant with your baby," he moans, "I love how she grows and moves and develops, and I love you and my body is so amazing- I never thought this could feel so fantastic and I want more-"

Joe can't take it, he jerks frantically now, holding onto John's nape, feeling John's eyes on himself as John’s fingers dig in his hips.

"Yes?" John growls, thrusting slow, deep and very hard, Joe's body is pressed into John's arms with every movement. “Then I'm gonna put more babies into you, yeah, I'm gonna- fuck, I'm gonna come, fuck I'm so close- I'm gonna fill you up with cum, my lovely husband, I'm gonna make you pregnant over and over-"

Joe groans. "Yeah- John- touch my belly, feel it- stroke it," he gasps out, and John immediately starts to rub it, just how Joe likes, under his navel and around it and lifting it up slightly-

Joe's orgasm bursts out of him suddenly and explosively, and he's gasping out John's name, over and over, leaning back into his arms, and as the waves die down, John holds him even tighter. 

"Joe, love, can I go faster?" He asks, voice desperate, and Joe breathes "yeah" and John moans, fucking him harder, whispering a series of _ I love you's _ in his ear, and Joe is panting, he groans as John’s breath hitches, he feels John's seed filling him up again, and he's never felt so full in his life and he loves it.

They’re kneeling on the floor, panting, John’s hand protectively on Joe’s tummy, feeling the movements of the baby, and he chuckles softly. Joe leans back against John, slowly stroking his hand.

“Damn, we’re kinky,” Joe whispers casually with closed eyes, and John laughs.

“Well, it’s not an everyday situation,” he murmurs. “I’m always amazed how smoothly you handle all of this, and how beautiful you look.”

“Ah, I see now why you have so many kids,” Joe grins lazily. “You love pregnant people carrying your children.”

“Not gonna deny it,” John chuckles, a bit embarrassed. “I mean what I told you. I know Rory's not even born yet, but if you want more babies, I’m… more than happy to help you.”

Joe snorts. “Let’s get her out of me first, and then we’ll talk about it.”

“Fair enough. Now, how ‘bout we take a shower, and you show me the clothes you bought?” John asks.

Joe grins again.

“I might walk around naked a bit.”

“I’m not opposed to that.” John kisses his face, and Joe hums happily. 

They’re so in love it’s ridiculous.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the eighth month Joe's hormones are working at full force. Not like how he was imagining it.

Joe is yelling, his fist meeting the wood over and over again, his hand hurts but he doesn't even care, the material of the door frame tearing, and he just hits and hits and hits…

He stops, panting, cradling his hand as the flush of adrenaline dies down, looking at the mess he's made, looking at his hand that is certainly going to be bruised, his knuckles are already blackening.

He hugs his belly with his unhurt hand, feeling the baby moving around, probably scared, and he whispers to her, gently stroking his bump.

The flash of anger is receding, and John finds him there, patting his tummy in which his girl is still restlessly fidgeting, his hand trembling from the sudden cold.

“Joe, Joe, what- what happened?” John throws down the bags he’s been carrying and hurries to him, taking him in his arms.

“Leave me alone,” Joe pushes him away, leaning against the counter and just panting, staring in front of himself, stroking his huge belly through his white shirt, his right hand hanging next to his thigh.

John doesn't say a word as he takes out a cooling pad from the fridge and presses it on Joe's hand, observing the damage on the doorframe.

Joe looks at him. “Thanks," he says, and John stands next to him, not saying a word, and Joe is grateful for it.

“I'm sorry," he says after a while, and John lets out an exhale, putting his arm around his shoulder.

“Want to talk about it?”

Joe looks at him, wondering what John finds attractive in him, wondering when he is going to leave him, wondering whether he will find someone, a younger, prettier someone once their baby is born or maybe once their baby is a bit bigger or…

“What's gotten into you, love?” John wants to hug him, and Joe suddenly presses him against the wall, taking his hand and putting it on his full, hard belly.

His hormone levels are over the rooftop. They say testosterone peaks around the eighth month of male pregnancy, and will gradually decrease by the time of the birth, but this is ridiculous.

He knows only his hormones are acting, but it doesn't make it any easier.

“You love this, huh?” Joe asks roughly, slipping John’s hand from his belly to his cock that is hard, he’s always hard nowadays, and he hates this fucking body so much. “Look at me. I'm fucking hideous. I'm so fucking distorted. My chest aches and it's hard to breathe and my stomach burns and I have to piss like twenty times a day and good luck with that because I have a boner all the time. You must be a pervert to like this, who else would find it acceptable?” There’s a flick of pain in John’s eyes, but Joe doesn't care. “I'm ridiculous. I'm grotesque, and maybe indeed I'm a freak, I'm just a…  _ breeding stock-” _

The fear and worry are gone from John's eyes in a flash, and he looks at Joe like he did not hear correctly, his mouth hanging open and his eyes darkening.

“A ‘breeding stock’? Joe, what are you talking about-”

Joe looks away, looking at the floor. His baby has calmed down, and he presses his hand under his belly, holding it up a little to feel its weight.

He just feels how heavy he is, now that the adrenaline rush has passed.

“There was this guy-” he says, the mocking laughter echoing in his ears as the guy was looking at him with a sarcastic smile, following him for a block or two.

_ “Wow, I can't believe I get to see a  _ breeding stock _ with my own eyes,” he said, whistling, observing Joe’s swollen belly. “You've got a stallion who likes to come inside your sissy ass, right? How’s it like to be a baby factory? Wish you were a woman?” _

“He called you that?” John growls, seemingly growing in front of Joe's eyes, and there is a dark fire in his eyes that Joe has never seen before, his lips draw back to reveal teeth, his breathing becomes harsh, and he grabs his keys from the counter where he put them previously. “Where did it happen, how did he look like?! I'm going to find him and I'm going to kill him-”

Joe looks at him, the dark fire in his eyes. What an alpha male. John would really kill for him, he doesn’t doubt that. Joe feels much better. 

_ The guy had fear is his eyes as Joe pushed him by the throat against the wall, one arm around his belly, sneering at him.  _

_ “Hell yeah, I got a real man who loves to come in my ass, and I’m still more of a man you’ll ever be-”  _

_ He held him there until the guy started to turn blue, and then let him go, watching the guy gasping for air before running away. _

He's never going to tell this to John.

“Don't need to. I told him it's none of his business and left.”

John is still angry, and Joe is observing him, his protectiveness, how his hands are slowly relaxing. “You have to be more careful-” John starts, obviously seeing through him, sensing that there was something more, and Joe snorts.

“Oh yeah, I know, stop babysitting me around.”

“Joe," John says, turning his face and breathing on his lips, but not kissing him, respecting his boundaries, and Joe is grateful for that. “You know you’re not that… slur, right? You know that you’re wonderful and brave and perfect?”

“Yeah, sure,” Joe says, pressing his very round, very taut tummy against John’s flat one, and the feeling turns him on even though they both have their clothes on.

He’s always turned on nowadays.

Which is ridiculous. A pregnant male with an erection.

“I'm not a man anymore,” he says bitterly, and John groans. 

“Yes, you are. Joe, dear, we’ve been through this-”

“Yeah I know, I know…” Joe says, scratching his head. “At least women don't get mocked. I fucking wish I wasn’t that  _ one in ten thousand, _ and I'm fucking getting fed up and I wanna be over with it already.”

John hugs him and Joe lets him, testosterone still surging through his brain and his body but his baby’s moving again, she moves a lot nowadays, making him feel even more stuck between two genders.

“Only five more weeks, love," John says, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead as Joe is pressed against him awkwardly, his hips away from him to give room to his bump. “You did perfectly so far. You ate well and you’ve been exercising and you’re so strong, you'll be over it in a little bit more than a month and we’ll have our little girl then. Don’t you want to see her?”

“Of course I want to. But I wish she was outside of me already," Joe says, hearing John chuckle. God, his joints hurt. He’s still strong, he can move around more or less freely (well, maybe except the tying of his shoes), and he still could hold that fucker by the throat, but he’ll need the strength and he really needs to be careful.

John is so calming.

“You're not one in ten thousand, love,” John whispers, ”you’re one of a lifetime, and I'm really glad I found you.”

If he wasn’t so high on male hormones, it would make Joe teary. Instead he just chuckles.

“You said something about a boner, right?” John says then, winking at him, and a grin is spreading on Joe's face. They haven’t had sex in the last two weeks or so because he felt like shit, but his cock seems very interested in what John wants to say.

“You look beautiful,” John says, stepping back and observing him, and Joe realizes he still has his favorite leather jacket on (that he can’t zip up anymore) and his shirt that is a few sizes bigger than his regular size and it barely covers his belly that is so fucking full. Joe could swear their daughter has grown at least three pounds in the past week, and she’s going to be even bigger later.

He groans at the thought, but he’ll get through it somehow. Not that he has a choice.

But he doesn't have time to feel sorry for himself, John leads him to the bed and pushes him down with a cheeky grin, falling on his knees in front of him, gently stroking Joe’s thighs in his fancy pants.

“You’re so elegant.”

“I was hoping it would make me feel better,” Joe says, leaning back on his hands, careful of the injured one, his belly so big that he has to spread his legs a bit. 

John looks up at him with lust in his eyes as he slowly opens the lower button of Joe’s shirt. Damn, those buttons were trying their best, they need relief, Joe thinks, and he snorts, but then a moan escapes his lips because John is kissing the underside of his belly, running his fingers through the hair on it.

Joe’s gotten much hairier than he was, and it’s also weird, the contrast of his body hair with the moving baby underneath it, but now it’s strangely erotic, and John seems to be loving it.

“Oh, Joe,” he murmurs, softly running his hands and his tongue along the hair up to Joe’s navel, gently undoing the rest of the buttons until Joe sits there with his shirt open and his tummy and chest revealed, but under John's gaze, he feels… sexy. He hasn’t felt this hot since his sixth month, but now both of John’s large hands are covering his bump and massaging it, and Joe groans, and his baby seems to love it too because she twists excitedly, and it feels so goddamn sensual. 

Fuck, he’s so high on hormones he could come by John stroking his tummy alone.

But his cock is straining against his pants so he reaches down to take it out, and John pulls his hand away and does it for him, staring at Joe's cock in admiration and lust, looking into his eyes as he takes the head into his mouth and sucks tenderly.

Joe groans. He could swear his dick has gotten bigger too. Maybe this pregnancy thing is not so bad after all. He grins, running his hands through John’s hair, moaning at his talented husband’s ministrations… John’s mouth is moving on his cock and his hands are roaming his belly and Joe reaches up to play with his nipples that are so damn sensitive and John moans around him as he watches him, his tongue swirling on his cockhead and the baby is stroking him from the inside--

“Ah, god, stop,” he manages to gasp out, and John stops, stilling his hands.

“Is something wrong?” he asks, worried, and Joe grins at him, panting.

“Nah, I just… I just don’t want to come yet. I wanna fuck.”

“That… can be arranged,” John grins back, nudging Joe’s pubic hair, dipping his tongue in his navel and running it along the curve of Joe’s tummy. He can't seem to get enough of it. John has been caressing it all the time during these months, completely in love with the shape of it and the skin on it, making Joe hard every time. “How do you plan it?”

Joe thinks about it as John suckles on his nipples, and he groans, pulling John up to kiss him. “I'm not sure it's possible anymore but I want to fuck you. Maybe this is the last chance before I get as big as Russia-”

John laughs, and Joe sits up with a bit of a difficulty, stripping John of his shirt, looking enviously at his flat stomach and looking down at his own, but then he shrugs. 

“Joe, you'll be slim again soon.” John can read his mind and it’s a bit annoying but Joe grins, savoring John’s lips, feeling his body that’s thinner know than his, finding the contrast between the shape of them incredibly arousing.

“Can you be on top of me?” John asks then, but Joe’s uncertain.

“Maybe it’s better if I do it from behind, so I can rest my belly on your hips.”

“Want me to get the mirror?” John winks, and Joe nods, chuckling.

They slowly strip each other before falling on the bed. They know each other’s bodies better than their own. Well, at least Joe knows John's, but John was more than happy to explore Joe’s body changes together with him. He knows exactly where to kiss Joe to turn him on even more, how to make him moan, how to make him come in ten seconds if he wants to.

Joe’s much more sensitive than he was. Not just his tummy and his nipples. John kisses him on his newly discovered erogenous zones, like the bend of his knee or his upper arm near his armpits or the spot just below his navel or the hip bones or the small of his back, and Joe lets John caress him as they roll around naked and kiss and make love, feeling at home, feeling loved, feeling complete.

“God, I love you,'' he moans into John's ear, and John whispers it back, then he stands on all fours and Joe gently prepares him. They have no secrets. Joe eats him and laps at him and fingers him slowly, and John moans, wiggling his butt, and Joe lubes up himself as he kneels behind him.

“I'm doing it blindly so be patient,'' he jokes and John lets out a snort, his hand between his legs to lazily stroke himself, and Joe grabs his dick, slick and hard, sliding the head of it between John's buttocks to find his entrance, teasing him a bit, watching John’s face in the mirror as he pushes in. All of his body screaming with pleasure because it’s hot and tight, and Joe rocks his hips and feels his muscles tense and his joints are looser than ever, making his movements gliding smoother…

John growls, and Joe’s stroking his hips, resting his belly at the small of John’s back and looks in the mirror, watching themselves, and it’s a little bit funny but then it suddenly turns hot, and he’s watching his body taking John’s slowly, and his arms and legs are still muscular and he doesn't really look weird aside from his bump. He indeed doesn’t look feminine. He just looks like a man with a belly.

With his cock buried deep inside another man.

Damn, it feels good, and he loves John so much for letting him do this, for trying to make him feel better about himself.

He lets go.

“Look up, honey,” he pants to John, and John raises his head, smiling at him in the mirror with a dazed expression but then he closes his eyes and lets Joe rock him, his hand buried between his legs because Joe can’t reach his cock now, and Joe groans as he’s watching themselves fucking-

“Fuck me, feels so good, Joe,” John moans, and Joe playfully smacks his ass, holding his belly with a hand and his baby kicks, he feels it in his hand and John is so hot and both of them are sweating and Joe suddenly gasps and comes, sooner than he wants to because his whole body is on fire, he can’t seem to be able to hold it, he comes with long, loud groans, and he loves John so much it makes him crazy-

“Joe?” John asks when Joe slips out of him and lays down next to him, feeling like a stranded whale but too blissed out to care. 

“Sorry,” he says, sighing with a chuckle, and John presses to him, his hard-on poking Joe’s thigh. “Sorry, you felt so good, couldn't hold back. Want to fuck me so you can finish?”

“Oh, I’d love to,” John is panting as he kneels over him, violently jerking off, his face twisted in concentration and Joe feels his cock twitch again just at the sight, “but I can't last until I prepare you-”

Joe reaches for him. “I can suck you if you want-” But John just kisses him and grips himself and comes with a muffled moan on Joe’s lips, and Joe holds onto him, really wishing he could feel his body against his properly, but he’ll have to wait a few more weeks with that.

John carefully collapses halfway on him with a sigh, and Joe holds onto him as John is rubbing his cum all over Joe’s tummy.

Damn.

This whole pregnancy is the most surrealistic experience Joe has ever had, but he decides it’s certainly worth it. Thank god that John is John. He makes it bearable and even fun.

“Not much longer now, love,” John whispers to him encouragingly with closed eyes, and Joe falls asleep, John’s hand intertwined with his.

Soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know anymore. I'm high on painkillers. It just writes itself.
> 
> I headcanon that pregnant men get aggressive because in the old times they were usually cast out from society as they began to show because they were regarded as freaks, so they had to defend themselves and their baby. Thankfully in this AU the prejudice is becoming less common but they still certainly can get unpleasant reactions from others.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time.

It’s been a long nine months.

They’ve been both dizzy and excited with preparation and happy anticipation, nervousness and planning, and it’s finally coming to an end, the fruit of their love is about to be born, to occupy the baby room they’ve been decorating with so much enthusiasm.

John has been there for Joe the whole time, protecting him and comforting him and pampering him, and he’s here at the end --or at the beginning-- as well. He’s arranged everything. The ambulance is just outside their home in case something goes wrong, the phone is right next to them on the nightstand, and the doctor is around. 

“My husband deserves the best care,” John coos to Joe. 

They are lying in their bed that’s prepared for this occasion, nice and comfortable. Both of them are naked, and Joe’s on his side, resting after his initial spurt of nesting energy has calmed down, concentrating on his labor, and John is spooning him, murmuring into his ear, nipping his nape and stroking his body.

Joe opens his eyes to look down at John’s hands sliding over his tense belly, full with their baby, all oiled up and slippery, and John is tenderly massaging it through his contractions, his wedding ring glistening in the soft light of the decor lamps.

Joe moans as John rubs his aching back and his swollen chest as well. The contractions are not that frequent yet, and John is murmuring into his ear.

“You’re doing amazing, darling,” he says, his voice is secure and calming even though Joe knows he’s just as nervous as he is, but John has seen the births of his six children before, and he knows what to do.

Joe trusts him and loves him.

“It’s so good that you’re here with me,” Joe whispers, he’s a bit tired and nervous, but excited, letting out a moan at a cramp, but John massages his taut belly, easing the pain a little.

“Of course, honey, where else would I be?” John whispers gently, his sweet voice is almost hypnotizing in the low light of the lamps and garlands. The atmosphere they created for this time is very calming and welcoming, with soft music in the background, Joe’s favorites.

They are welcoming their little girl.

“How are you feeling, love?” John asks, his hands rubbing gentle circles on Joe’s belly, and Joe feels their baby moving down slowly, and he knows John can feel it, too.

“I’m okay. It really helps that you’re here. And that we’re not in a hospital with screams and disinfectant smell and neon lights.”

“I know it can be traumatizing. But we’re here and everything will be alright.”

”Is the doctor outside?”

“Yes, the whole team is here, don't worry,” John whispers, turning Joe’s head and kissing his lips. “But we won’t need them. It’s going to be fine.”

“I hope so,” Joe says, grinding his teeth under a moan, and John holds him closer, slipping his hands around him. 

It’s warm in the room, so warm, and Joe is naked, both of them are naked so they can feel each other’s skin all over, intimate and sensual and calming, and that’s just what Joe needs.

“We’re going to be a family soon,” he whispers, and his breath is speeding up as the contractions are coming more frequently, his fingernails sinking into John’s hand, and John chuckles softly.

“Yes, I can’t wait to hold her in my arms. Our beautiful baby. I love her so much, and I'm sure you’ll be a wonderful father.”

“I'll do my best,” Joe says, leaning his head back, reaching up to hold onto John’s nape, arching his spine at a sudden pang of pain. He lets out a growl as it passes, and John soothingly caresses him through it.

Then John’s hand slides lower from his belly to his thighs, brushing against Joe’s cock.

“Oh, baby…” John chuckles, surprised. “You’re hard.”

Joe’s face is burning. “I’m sorry, it... it’s that the feelings are strong and everything is intensified and… your hands feel good and…”

“Shh, don't apologize, love, I don't find it inappropriate at all,” John whispers, gently nipping Joe’s nape, reaching down to massage his hips, and Joe sighs. “I know it’s intense. And we’re here, we love each other, and soon there will be the three of us and it will be so amazing...”

“I can’t wait to be dads with you,” Joe grins before groaning through another cramp, and John’s hand slips onto his hard cock, stroking it, pressing it back against his big, swollen belly.

“Do you want me to touch you like this?” John whispers, leaning on his elbow and looking all over Joe’s body, his hand on his straining cock.

“Yes, uh…” Joe moans in pain, but John palms the head of his cock and the pleasure takes the pain away a bit.

He looks over himself.

“Damn, I’m hideous,” he says. He’s been sad about his body’s changes for a while now. It doesn’t concern him now as long as their baby is healthy, but on sleepless nights he’s been worried that John won't find him attractive anymore.

“What are you talking about, honey?” John asks, stroking Joe’s body in admiration, love in his eyes, and Joe thinks maybe John doesn’t find him disgusting after all. “Your body is magnificent, it never ceases to amaze me. It’s so strong, growing a new life from nothing. Growing a baby and nurturing it and protecting it, it’s a fantastic thing and I’m so proud of you, so, so proud. I don’t know how _I _would have been able to carry her.”

“I’m fat like a whale,” Joe chuckles, and John holds him even closer, running his hands through Joe’s muscular arms, his wide shoulders.

“You’re not fat, you’re _pregnant,_” John murmurs. “There are two of you, of course you are bigger now. But you’re still so breathtaking, so sexy. I can’t wait to make love to you again.”

“You already want to make more babies, right?” Joe giggles through another contraction, and John tenderly strokes his cock and massages his tummy, occasionally slipping down to caress his balls.

“Is the pain bad?” John asks, sounding worried, but Joe shakes his head.

“Not yet, it’s tolerable. But the best part is yet to come.”

“I have an idea. Does it help if I…” John stops, and Joe glances back at him questioningly. “If I, um, loosen you up?”

Joe feels his eyes widen. “Well, um… I-I think so, it might, yeah, if you don't find it gross…”

“Love, I’ll never find anything gross about you. I love you so much that I can hardly stand it, I promise it won't be gross.”

Joe nods, and hears John reaching for the oil, and he closes his eyes, giving in to the sensations. 

He knows the time is near, the pressure is growing in his abdomen and his hips, and the baby’s moving downwards, ready to be born.

Joe growls as John gently begins to massage his hole, circling it and caressing it, and it sends pleasure up his spine, meeting with the pain halfway, and Joe feels like he’s hypnotized.

“Good?” John whispers now, barely audibly, Joe knows he can sense the baby approaching, too, and Joe nods. 

“More, please,” he whispers and John slowly enters a finger and circles it, loosening him up a little. Joe doesn’t know how much it will help, but it certainly feels good now.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too, always, never loved anyone like you,” John whispers back, and Joe smiles, slipping deeper and deeper into his trance, where there’s John’s body, supporting his, and John’s fingers, circling inside his hole, preparing him, pleasuring him, and there’s his own body preparing for something great, to bring a new life into this world. The pain is getting more and more intense, making his breathing elevated, but he’s not scared anymore. He’s in good hands. 

It’s going to be rough, but they can do it.

“Is it good, love?” John whispers, three fingers in him now, moving softly to stroke Joe’s prostate, and Joe mewls in unexpected pleasure, his cock twitching and leaking.

“Yeah,” he manages to gasp out, the pleasure is thrilling and the pressure is growing, the contractions are very frequent now, his baby is moving inside him, wanting to get out, and there's a sudden fire in his pelvis, his breathing is easier now with a surge of oxygen in his lungs, making him lightheaded.

“John,” Joe gasps, “I think... I think she’s coming now, help me...”

“Want to kneel up?” John asks, gently removing his fingers, his voice is trembling a bit but his grasp is strong, and as Joe nods, he helps him up onto his knees, and Joe grabs the bedpost, letting gravity help his baby come out.

John kneels tightly behind him, his body warm and reassuring, and Joe groans as the urge to push is getting more intense. 

“Want me to keep stroking your cock?” John’s voice sounds distant in his ear.

“Yes,” Joe mewls, his eyes closing and his thighs trembling as he spreads his legs, his fingers holding onto the bedpost for dear life. “Oh god…”

“I’m here, you’re doing it very well, just breathe,” John whispers, kissing his neck and stroking him. Joe feels the sweat pouring from his face cooling his burning skin, he feels the secure body heat of John, naked behind him, and Joe’s mind is slipping out of this world, letting his body and his baby do what they have to.

He lets go.

There’s an outer space behind his eyelids, red and blue planets orbiting stars, and he wants to push and he needs to push at the intense stinging and burning, and there’s a tear in the fabric of the universe and bright light is coming from it and it's widening to suck him into itself, and Joe’s body is opening wide and the pain makes his breath burst out in a sharp, short cry, but there’s also pleasure, blunting the pain as his body is pushed to its limit.

And then there’s a break when he thinks he can’t take it anymore, and he has time to breathe, a few seconds, but then he has to press again and he obeys the instinct and he groans and yelps and there’s a shoulder, then another shoulder popping out, and the pleasure stumbles for a second as John catches their baby with a hand, but then the stroking continues and Joe is emptied and he comes, he comes so hard he’s flying into that white-hot tear in the universe, being reborn, being born together with his baby.

His whole body is trembling and there are arms around him, carefully laying him down and he comes to John crying and their child lying on his chest, and John cuts the cord and the baby starts to cry too, and John is sobbing in happiness and relief, and Joe opens his eyes to see the most beautiful ugly newborn ever, and John kisses him, he kisses Joe’s lips and his face and his chin and Joe grins, a slow, lazy, exhausted grin.

“Are you okay? Is the pain gone?” John asks, worried, and Joe nods.

“She needs a bath,” he says weakly, crying a bit. “We all need one.”

“Joe,” John chuckles and sniffs, wiping his wet cheeks, looking a decade younger than his age, “he’s a boy.”

“What?” Joe looks at him as if he was joking, looking down at the baby to check. 

They indeed have a son.

“Oh my god,” Joe whispers, “how come we didn’t know? He must have been so shy then, covering himself during ultrasounds. Shy like his dad.”

“Or a little prankster, like his other dad,” John laughs as he caresses their son on Joe’s chest, cooing to both of them.

Joe smiles as he looks over his family. He never thought he could be in love with two people, but he’s in love with his son already, and he’ll always be in love with John, too.

“Thank you, darling.”

“My goodness, I thank you, Joe,” John says, still weeping as he kisses Joe’s hand. “You’re amazing, I love you, I fucking love you. I’m never letting you go, ever.”

Joe lies back, tired and sore but contented. The doctor will check up on them soon, but now they have a few more minutes.

They did it. They are a family now.

Joe is so excited about the future.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe is getting a feel for this parenting thing, and he and John talk through how they experienced their child's birth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still morbidly fascinated by the idea of mpreg, and I'm not afraid to get into the more naturalistic details. No suspension of disbelief, we take the biology like men if we wanna go with the concept, haha.

Joe is lying on the bed in the semi-darkness, watching over his family.

John is asleep with their son on his chest, his large, long-fingered hand covering almost the whole of the baby's body, both of them sleeping soundly.

Joe smiles, wiping off a tear as he's watching his boys. His husband, and their son. 

Richard Francis Mazzello-Deacon.

His lips whisper the name, tasting it, caressing it, loving it.

He's so in love with his son.

Those tiny lips and nose that look so much like John's; but Richie has Joe's eyes, green and clear. The child of both of them. His and John's genes. Made out of his and John's love.

Richie is asleep with lips parted, mirroring John who's also snoozing after feeding, the bottle empty on the bed next to them. Joe grins. Their son is a huge foodie already, he inherited it from him.

He tenderly puts his hand on John's that's covering their baby protectively, shifting closer so he can press a kiss on John's cheek.

John twitches a tiny bit, waking up their son who yawns before going back to sleep on John's chest.

John smiles at him lazily with sleepy eyes.

"Hello, love," he greets Joe, and he's so domestically adorable that Joe has to kiss him, taste his lips that taste like home.

Joe lays down then, just looking at them wordlessly, and John looks back at him, love in his eyes and happiness in his smile, staring into each other's eyes enchanted. 

Richie twitches in his sleep, yowling quietly in a dream, and they both look at him now, John's hand protectively tightening on the baby's little tush.

"What is he dreaming of?" Joe wonders, caressing the baby's red hair with a finger.

"Maybe he's dreaming about milk, or just some colors he sees during the daytime." John smiles tenderly at their son before looking up at Joe. "Maybe about how it was like being in your womb. Or about your embrace, or your scent…"

"Or yours," Joe whispers, wondering how much love his heart can take. Is it possible to die of happiness? 

"Or mine," John says, smiling at him, wiping down a single teardrop off Joe's cheek, and Joe grabs his wrist and kisses his finger.

"I'm so in love with you," he says, because it's true.

Before John, he never knew that he could love this hard.

"And I'm with you," John whispers back, in his eyes disbelief as if he was unable to comprehend that he has a new family with Joe. "You're the love of my life. I never want to be without you ever again."

Joe stares at him, wanting to devour him and never let him go. John chuckles then, cracking a joke. "You were so sweet today, and irresistible. Just the way you were, singing to yourself as you cooked. The only reason I didn't follow you even to the bathroom is because I had to feed Richie."

Joe snorts, the sound making their baby whimper, and John hands him over to Joe, and Joe takes him, hugging his tiny body, smelling that baby scent, and his son fits into his arms so perfectly.

Joe was so scared he wouldn't be a good dad.

He doesn't know how he could have handled fresh fatherhood if John wasn't there to help him with his routine, or if he didn't have Ben who always has something encouraging to say.

About his body's changes. About being insecure in his abilities. About… everything.

Joe has learned a lot in the three weeks since their son was born. 

He's learned he's so much stronger than he thought. He's so much more patient, tolerant, sensitive. He's learned that being sensitive and caring doesn't make him any less of a man. He's learned that crying in happiness is something to be proud of, and crying in exhaustion and frustration is normal.

He's also learned to accept things. It's not easy when it's about a baby, but he has to accept things for his sanity.

He's looking over the empty bottle, and smiles.

He had to accept that he couldn't breastfeed his son because the baby always stayed hungry. He tried, oh, he tried so hard, but he's a man and men usually can't breastfeed, so he had to give up after a few days of struggling.

He knows the reason behind it. Carriers used to give away their babies to breastfeeding women in the ancient times when they were cast out for being freaks. It's evolution. It's natural.

Joe knows this, but it was hard still. 

But he's accepted that sometimes there are things you can't change. He's happy that it's nothing serious though, and he even thinks that this is a good way for John and Richie to bond. John does the feeding usually. Joe does the bathing. 

And they have their little rituals that all of them can do together: playing, walking, singing lullabies. Joe loves to hold their baby in his arms as John's playing the piano, and Richie always sleeps soundly at the melody. Joe loves to listen to John sing to their baby when he thinks Joe can't hear him.

He grins. Their son probably has eaten a lot because he falls back asleep in a second in Joe's arms, and Joe presses a kiss on his head.

Blood from his blood. Flesh from his flesh.

He's made it. 

He's incredibly proud of his mind, and his body.

Of course, it's not like it was before.

John must be sensing what territory his thoughts are beginning to wander to, because he leans closer to Joe and kisses him, hugging him so their son is between them, his arm draped over Joe and Joe's draped over him, too.

The kiss is deepening, and John keeps breaking it with tiny pecks on his lips, and Joe's being bathed in his love with the fruit of their love between them, and he feels incredibly powerful and capable, capable of anything he wants because with John he's invincible…

"I love you," John whispers again between kisses like he's only able to express his most basic emotions, "I love you both, I love that we made a son, I'm so proud of you, you're the strongest person I've ever known-"

Joe lets out a tiny sob at his words because he's honored and proud and grateful, and he never wants to be anywhere else but in this very bed forever.

John's fingers tighten on Joe's waist, the tips slowly slipping under Joe's pants just under the waistband, gently stroking his skin. Joe's not even sure it's intended as sensual but for the first time since their son was born he's relaxed and rested enough to think of anything sexy.

He moans, very quietly not to wake up Richie but loud enough to let John know he wants more, he doesn't even need to say anything because John understands him from this only.

"I love you too," he gasps, gently licking John's lips and slipping his tongue between them as John opens up for him, and they both moan. "My baby daddy, I want you-"

Their baby mewls between their chests and they break the kiss, looking down at him at the same time.

"Is he okay?" Joe asks, he knows it's stupid because of course he's okay, and John chuckles.

"Sure he is," he says, stroking Joe's hair, "we just keep waking him up. What do you say I put him to his bed now?" 

John grins a grin that Joe knows so well, and he grins back and nods because it's been a long time since they made love-

Joe turns bright red as he remembers the last time he came, but John is already putting their baby to bed and covers him and Richie doesn't even make a sound, and Joe's face is burning because the last time he came was during his childbirth and he knows it's embarrassing but the memory is still so vivid and so very-

"Here I am, love," John says, winking seductively as he crawls back to bed next to Joe, leaning to kiss him but stopping as he sees him being red like a lobster. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing," Joe says and pulls him against himself and goes back to making out, and John licks his neck and it's so good but there's something-

"Hey," he says then, gently pushing John away a bit because they have no secrets and should have no secrets and he needs to talk about it… 

"Yes?" John asks, slowing down, but his breathing elevated already because he's missed Joe's body like Joe missed his and now's the chance…

"Can I-?" Joe begins, turning red but he wants to talk about it. "Can I, uh, ask something?"

"'Course," John says, resting his hand on Joe's waist as they lie on their sides, gently circling Joe's hips through his pants.

"It's about… uh." Where to begin? "About… Richie's… birth."

"Oh." John waits for him to continue, tenderness in his eyes as he remembers. "You want to ask if it was gross, right?"

"I- yes," Joe says, rolling his eyes a bit but also relieved, because John knows him so well.

He's thought about it a few times before between two feedings, but either didn't have the guts to think about it in detail, or was simply overwhelmed by exhaustion or enchanted by their son to properly think it through. He was scared that John wouldn't want to sleep with him anymore after…

Joe blushes deeply as he thinks back, hiding his face in John's shoulder who gently hugs him. 

"It wasn't gross at all, love," he murmurs, and Joe already knows what else he's going to say. "Nothing is gross about you because I love you. I'd clean you out of vomit or shit if you were sick, I'd take care of you and I wouldn't mind. The only bad thing was that it hurt to see you in so much pain." 

His voice is just a whisper but it still breaks. 

"I'd have taken away your pain if I could have done it, I'd have given birth to a thousand babies if it meant you wouldn't have to suffer-"

John's voice is weakening, and Joe hugs him tighter. 

"It wasn't _ that _ horrible," he says. "I mean it was bad, but I was lucky, it felt good as well, like-"

He stops.

"How did it feel like?" John encourages him, curious and understanding at the same time.

"It was…"

Joe thinks back about it.

The contractions, the waves of pain rippling through his abdomen and hips and back, making him grind his teeth and arch his spine, but every wave of pain ending with the tiniest pang of pleasure as if nature was compensating him; the secure heat of John behind him as molten fire flooded his belly and pelvis; and the feeling of his son pressing and breaking his way out of him, that huge hurricane of agony that made him cry out and that just kept increasing and intensifying before suddenly ascended into relief, and the relief turned into the greatest pleasure he's ever felt as his baby and the afterbirth got torn out of him, and John was there, transforming the pain into ecstasy as Joe gave birth through blood and tears and wetness and cum, right into John's hand.

"It was…" Joe's searching for the right words. "It was more painful than I ever could imagine, but… it was also good. I felt… I felt like…" he chuckles in embarrassment because he's never put it into words before, but it's also a relief, "it sounds silly but I felt like a… a god. Creating something out of almost nothing through pain and exertion, and there were only us, there was our son in me, and there were you behind me and there was me and my body and we all worked hard for him to be born and… Then I felt him slipping out and god, I think I had an orgasm too, but I'm not sure if it really did happen or it was just relief-"

"Oh, it did happen," John whispers, his voice full of emotions, "a lot was happening there." 

He laughs a bit at Joe's red face, and Joe suddenly imagines how it must have looked like and he kinda wants to die of shame.

"How was it for you?" he asks him instead, because they haven't really spoken about this.

John looks aside as he gathers his thoughts, his hand on Joe's hips and waist.

"It was… scary. I had so much to do but there wasn't really much I could do, only helping you and encouraging you and trying to lessen the pain. I felt… helpless, but you were so strong, way stronger than I am. And then…" 

His voice breaks a little as he remembers.

"Then we found out that stroking you helps so I kept doing that, I think I got into a… trance I think. And when… when Richie was coming I snapped into action and waited and held you and massaged you and… then I could finally see his head and I pulled him out and caught him and he was so… so messy but so beautiful and there were you and I had to take care of you and I… you were moaning and I kept stroking you, I wasn't even thinking but it all happened so fast and suddenly we were over it and we were a family and I felt like… I can't even explain-"

John wipes down his tears and Joe kisses him and hugs him, and their son is whining in his sleep but then he quiets down. 

"I can never thank you," John says and they kiss again, more tenderly than before, hands slowly slipping along their bodies.

"Me neither," Joe whispers as John slips his hand under Joe's shirt, along his back, and Joe arches because it's been three weeks, three incredibly exciting weeks, but they didn't have time or energy for each other besides a few hugs and kisses.

The desire flares up again, almost like the passion of their conception but it's even more secure now, they are bonded even tighter. Joe thinks he even could be able to come just like this, just by feeling this connection that's stronger than ever, just by staring into John's eyes and watching the love and lust pulsating in them…

He's hungry like rarely before, and he yanks off John's shirt and pants and John lets him, and there he is under him now, the father of his child, Joe's and only Joe's, for him to enjoy and for him to take and for him to take him into himself-

His mouth is wet around John's cock, and he's sucking him like there's no tomorrow, sucking the cock that made him a baby and he moans together with John as he runs his fingers through coarse pubic hair, John's hands are running through his hair…

John shifts, and Joe finds himself on his side with his cock in John's mouth and John's in his, and he groans in lust and pleasure as they suck each other off enthusiastically, and Joe wants to come so badly and wants to have John in every way…

"Oh John," he moans around his cock, the name is like a candy on his tongue, "John, I wanna feel you in me, god, I need you-"

"Baby," John moans somewhere between his legs, "you know we have to wait with that a little more," and Joe whines and chuckles at how caring John is, because Joe's body is not like before and he still needs some time to recover.

But John is tugging on Joe's hips, angling it and John's tongue is circling his hole, the part of him that gave birth to their baby that is not the same as before, it's a bit looser and still a bit sore and a bit scarred, but John doesn't mind, and Joe is thankful and he loves him so much.

John accepts him.

He never thought a love like this was possible.

John is gently lapping at his hole, he doesn't seem to mind the fact that he was watching their son come out from there, bloody and wet, and damn, it shouldn't be a turn-on but everything they've ever done is a turn-on and he's gonna come all over John's chest if he keeps doing that-

He suddenly has the urge to feel John's cum in his mouth and he gulps down on him, John's moans vibrating along his spine.

"Come," he groans quietly so they don't wake their son, "come for me, my husband," and John thrusts up into his mouth while he sucks Joe's ass wetly and loudly, and Joe frantically rubs his cock against John's chest and he comes, too, the very moment he tastes the flood of cum in his mouth, and he hungrily swallows it like a magical potion that makes him immortal.

He lies panting on his husband's body, his legs spread over his head and John keeps gently lapping him like Joe's body has never changed, like it were as before, and Joe loves him even more for that.

He lays his head on John's thigh as he keeps licking his dick that's still half-hard.

Joe's also hard, still or again. He can almost always go two or more rounds, and since he was conceived, he's even become more masculine. More body hair. Higher sex drive. Stronger muscles. Receding hairline, but he just laughs and shrugs at that.

He likes how his body has changed.

Except his tummy, that's still bloated a little, and he's suddenly very self-conscious about it as he rolls onto his side, off John.

John curls around him and rubs their half-hard dicks together. 

"Can't wait to take you again, to make you beg for my cock again," he whispers sensually into Joe's ear.

"You're such a stallion," Joe grins before taking a look at their baby. He's fine, sleeping soundly.

"Can't help it. You're irresistible," John nibbles his ear, and Joe laughs a bit.

He's heard it so many times from him. John's honest, and he's happy he still finds him attractive, but Joe sometimes wishes his body was like before.

John can read his mind and he's kissing Joe's chest now, sucking on his darkened and a bit still swollen nipples. He had his breasts grown a bit before the birth, but they have flattened down again because he can't breastfeed, but they are still sensitive and John's suckling sends shivers down his spine.

He wraps his legs around him, letting John lavish him, and John sucks his nipples and bites them, he doesn't mind that they were leaking milk a few weeks ago, he kisses down Joe's tummy and doesn't mind that it was full with their baby quite recently and it's still bloated and his skin is still a bit loose, and he doesn't mind the faint stretch marks he has under the extra body hair.

And John certainly doesn't mind that Joe's cock has gotten bigger during his pregnancy, and Joe grins in pleasure as John's hands are cupping his balls and gently tug them. John sucks him again with dripping saliva, sucks him like he was worshipping him as his hands roam on his belly, teasing and caressing him…

Before Joe can come to, John is already straddling him, they don't mind any protection anymore because there's only them and there will be only them forever. 

"Okay?" John asks, eyes wide, he looks younger than his age nowadays, and Joe is mesmerized by him, he can only nod and groan sharply as John sinks down on him, taking him deep, deep into himself.

So hot and silky… John rides him, his face twisted in pleasure, his hips are undulating rhythmically and his stomach is tensing and Joe's mouth is watering at the sight, his fingers dig into John's strong thighs-

He's beautiful and hot and so fucking tight, and Joe really, really wants to plant a baby in him, he really wishes it were possible, but it's okay because he's sure he is going to be pregnant again, he's going to bear more babies and give birth to them and raise them because he's capable, and John is there to do it with him, they are gonna make more beautiful babies together-

He hears himself groaning incoherently about how hot John is and what a man he is and how he's the most handsome and caring man he's ever met, and John groans back as he's stroking himself, sliding up and down on Joe's throbbing dick-

"Fuck me," John growls suddenly, breathlessly, and Joe sits up and cradles him in his arms and flips them over as John holds onto him. John's legs are spreading under the pressure of Joe's body and John's lips are parting under Joe's tongue and they are going to be inside each other forever, inside their minds and bodies and souls. 

"Have my children, John," Joe groans, out of his mind as he's getting close once again, their bodies sweating, John's cock heavy and hard and wet against Joe's tummy… John moans and pulls him closer so his dick is rubbing between them, and Joe plunges deep, deep, ramming against John's prostate, their fingers twining, the pleasure mounting, and John cries out and comes and Joe's right there with him.

Joe comes round to Richie whimpering quietly at first, but getting louder in impatience. He peels himself out of his husband with a last kiss, checking up on their child.

The diaper's dry. Joe wonders if their son is hungry again, but the baby calms down as soon as he smells Joe, looking around with his big baby eyes, staring up at his father who bore him.

Joe gently rocks him as he walks back to the bed where John is already cleaning up, pulling down the used sheets before putting on clean ones.

"He just wanted some attention, I think," Joe says. He's getting into this parenting thing.

John smiles, lifting the covers so they can all fit under, taking Joe and Richie in his arms. 

"Like father, like son."

"We need to find names that differentiate us from each other," Joe giggles, admiring his family once again. "You can be the papa. And I can be the daddy. Isn't it great?"

He's very satisfied with himself, but John rolls his eyes.

"I'm old enough already, find me a less of an old man name."

Joe grins. He doesn't intend to keep his son in their bed all night, but he keeps a safe distance not to crush the baby in case they fall asleep. Not that he doesn't trust their fatherly instincts.

He nestles close to the two loves of his life. Everything is disgustingly perfect.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe and John's child is developing nicely, and Joe thinks he might be ready for another baby. His body agrees very much, and this time it won't be unfamiliar.

“Dada, Dada, look what I found!”

Joe smiles at his son who's bringing him a butterfly-shaped rock, showing it to him enthusiastically

"So pretty! Let's look at the other rocks, maybe we can find different shapes as well."

Richie giggles, taking Joe’s hand and pulling him over to the lakeshore, and they are looking for pebbles. Heart shape, flower shape, fish shape…

Joe looks lovingly at his son, his flaming red hair in the sunlight, his little face dirty with sand and dust.

Richie’s hands are full of pebbles, and he squeezes them to his chest, looking proudly at his collection.

Joe’s daydreaming about his husband as he’s watching their son. Richie is like his other dad in a lot of ways, interested in crafting, always fidgeting with sandcastles and Lego pieces and cables. 

Joe thinks of John’s white hair, remembering how much John loves to play with Richie, how the two of them can spend hours crafting something together. 

Joe also loves when they spend time with their kid, all three of them together, drawing with him and taking him for a hike or playing football, and it's such a pleasure watching him develop and grow.

He can't believe three years have already passed.

Joe sighs. 

There are days when he almost misses being pregnant.

He looks at his big, big son now, remembering how it felt like feeling him grow inside him, how he felt the first kick, how Richie always fidgeted when Joe or John talked to him, how he calmed down when John sang to Joe’s belly.

John. John, his wonderful husband.

Joe is not exactly religious, but every night he prays for many more decades together.

He looks at the ring on his finger, watching Richie’s twinkling smile with a little tooth gap and curly red hair, his long nose that’s so much like John's, and his heart is bursting with love.

“Hey, Richie,” Joe says, gently ruffling his son’s hair, “let’s go home. Papa has probably fixed the stove by now and we can cook something together!”

“Oooh, I'm hungry!” Richie squeals. “Can we bring these home?” 

Joe laughs at the pile of pebbles and rocks that his son can hardly carry. “How about you choose five of your favorites and the rest stay here, hm?”

“Okay." Richie is glowing, and he selects five pebbles ("one more," Joe helps him) and puts them in his pockets, taking Joe’s hand.

“We’re home, handsome!” Joe shouts in the door, and John looks up from the floor where he's kneeling, buried waist-deep in the stove. Richie runs to his dad, showing him the pebbles.

“They're very pretty, you found them all by yourself?” John asks, holding his son in his arms.

"Dada helped!"

“Sweet of him," John smiles at Richie, patting his head. "And what are you going to do with them?” 

“I’ll paint them red! And green!”

John smiles lovingly as his son is babbling enthusiastically in his arms.

Joe steps to them when John opens his arms for him, close to his family, and then his eyes meet John's, and there’s a sudden thunderstorm.

John’s lips part as he's staring at Joe, and Joe feels his breath stuck in his lungs.

How come he hasn't noticed immediately how amazing John looks?

Of course, he’s always been handsome, but Joe feels like he never appreciates it enough. John is in his worn jeans, his hand oily and veiny, his t-shirt is dirty and there are tools everywhere around him, and it’s so ridiculously domestic and sexy that Joe can’t resist.

His lips meet John's forcefully and eagerly, and he faintly hears Richie going “eew", and they both chuckle into the kiss.

John puts down their son, gently smacking his butt. “Richie, why don't you go into your room for a little bit? Dada and I are going to cook lunch.”

“Oh, okay, but no kissing! It’s gross," Richie grimaces, and Joe laughs.

Richie disappears into his room and John suddenly throws himself at Joe, kissing him wildly and pressing him against the counter, his hands slipping under Joe’s shirt. 

"Ah, you dirty old man,” Joe whispers into the kiss, holding John like there's no tomorrow, "he told us no kisses are allowed…"

“Hm, I’m afraid I have to break that rule,” John chuckles. “Look at you, ruffled hair and leather jacket, you are irresistible…"

The kiss grows deeper, but then they part with a loud smack, both of them panting.

Joe’s insides are turning and twisting, he feels lightheaded and aroused, and John is kissing his neck, holding onto him, trying to calm down.

“Your scent… ” John whispers, smelling his neck, and Joe closes his eyes, he can’t help but rut against John's thigh, but they can't have sex right now when Richie is awake… But John’s sweet, domestic scent is so arousing, and there are throbbing and wetness in his loins-

“Oh god,” he whispers, his eyes flicking open, and John looks at him as if they were connected.

“Is it… Joe, is it happening again?”

Joe is panting, dizzy and feeling high, a smile spreading on his lips. 

“Yeah, I think so… Oh love, do you want to…" He pulls John to himself, whispering on his lips, "wanna make another baby?”

John is breathing heavily into his neck, his arms possessively around Joe, his hard-on poking Joe in the hip bones.

“Fuck yeah," John murmurs into his ear, “I want another one if you want it too, you know I'm more than ready…”

“Me too,” Joe says, grinning like an idiot because he’s waited years for this to happen again, he’s waited years to be fertile again and now’s the time…

He wants to be pregnant again. He wants to feel another baby growing in him, he wants to talk to it and feel it move and wants the hormonal highs, and Richie has always wanted a little sibling too…

“Joe,” John murmurs in his ear, his whole body trembling of restrained lust, “where do we put Richie? If this one lasts two days again…”

Oh.

Joe’s been busy with smelling John's scent and licking his skin, but now he’s dragged back to the present.

“Oh, I can… I can call Ben. He told me it’s okay whenever.”

“Good.” John kisses him, a little longer than just a peck. “I’ll ask Richie if he wants to go.”

“And I’ll call Ben.” Joe smiles, his loins are on fire at the promise of two whole uninterrupted days with John.

Joe is packing for Richie for two nights.

“I’m sure you will have fun.”

Richie pouts a bit. He’s not very fond of the idea of being without Joe and John, but he loves Uncle Ben and his kids, so he’s not complaining too much.

“You should come, too, with Papa,” he says, not exactly helpful with the dressing up, but Joe pokes his nose.

“Papa and I need some alone time, darling. Sometimes we need it, too. And you’re a big boy now.”

“But Uncle Ben’s dog smells funny and it always jumps on me!”

Joe laughs as he ties Richie’s shoes.

“She’s just trying to be friendly because she likes you. Next time pet her tummy.” He presses a kiss on Richie’s cheek who smiles at last. “We'll pick you up in two days. And if you don’t feel well, we’ll go and bring you home. Okay?”

“Okay, Dada,” Richie says, and runs over to John to say goodbye to him.

“I’ll miss you, tiny one,” John says as he picks him up in his arms, hugging him tight. 

They are adorable. Joe can't wipe the smile off his face as he walks to the bathroom for a quick pee.

He hears a knock on the door, and a deep “Hey, John”.

Ben’s voice resonates through the air, and Joe grins.

Ben. His best friend, the strong support of his sanity during the past years, ever since he met him.

Ben.

Ben still hasn’t found a keeper for himself, and Joe’s a bit worried about him. He doesn’t look lonely or complain about being alone, and he's certainly not bored with two children, but Joe can see through him. Something's missing.

Maybe he should introduce him to Madeleine, a friend of Emma’s. Pretty and blonde and funny, they would make a perfect couple.

He takes a mental note not to forget it.

“Hey, Ben, buddy,” he yells as he steps next to John, hugging his waist as he’s watching Ben spinning Richie around, and the child's squealing laughter echoes on the street. “Thanks for taking Richie. Sorry for the last minute notice…"

Ben turns to him, his wide smile fading a bit as he looks at Joe.

It’s barely noticeable, but it happens, and Joe blinks a few times.

Maybe he's hallucinating Ben’s eyes darkening, because by the time he focuses again, it's gone, and Ben is smiling at him.

“It's okay, mate,” he says, fist-bumping Joe in the shoulder before hugging him with his free arm. “When springtime hits, it hits hard, doesn't it?”

Joe laughs, and he can feel John tensing in embarrassment. 

“It’s already spring,” Richie comments.

John smiles at them sweetly, watching his kid observe and stroke Ben’s sidecut. “Oh, has Joe told you? I was hoping he’d be more…" John theatrically turns to Joe, "…discreet.”

Ben chuckles and Joe grins apologetically.

“I would have figured it out anyway, you know, I know how it goes." Ben winks at John but Joe can't miss another dark flash in his eyes. “Well, should we go, Richie, buddy?”

The child nods, and they wave goodbye.

John still longingly stares at the corner where Ben and Richie have disappeared when Joe grabs his hand and pulls him into the house.

Joe smiles at his husband, and it only takes one look to be already at each other, kissing frantically, and Joe is sucking John’s tongue deep, deep into his mouth. 

The fire he managed to repress for a few hours is back and he’s hard already, just by John's smell, his presence, and John is clawing him under his shirt, slipping his hands into Joe's pants and grabbing handfuls of Joe’s butt.

“Feel me,” John growls, rocking his hips against Joe’s, their rock hard cocks pressing together, and Joe arches his back and moans.

“I've waited for this all fucking day,” he whispers, grabbing John wherever he can reach, they should be heading to the bedroom but it's too far away, much too far away, they are going to end up fucking on the floor again like last time he had an ovulation but it doesn’t matter…

“I’ve wanted this for three years,” John growls, not wasting time as he opens buttons and zippers and sucks marks onto Joe’s neck like a teenager, and Joe moans. 

"Mark me, I'm yours-” He's yanking John’s sweater and John leans back to let Joe strip him.

His body. Joe watches it in a frantic haze as if he got drugged, his cock throbbing at the sight of John's hairy chest, and he leans ahead to suck. John moans, his nipples hardening as Joe’s massaging his bulge and sucking his nipples.

“Don't you wanna… go to bed?" John asks as he's grabbing Joe's flesh, and Joe kisses him, tapping around in John's mouth with his tongue before breaking the kiss with a thick string of spit, taking off his own shirt and guiding John’s hands to his chest.

“Later,” he barks with a grin as John massages his pecs, his nipples still a bit darker than they were before he first became pregnant, and Joe gasps because he just realized that this is the new chance, he’s ovulating and ready-

“Let’s go to the couch at least." John stares at his nipples, playing with them and making them hard, then rubbing his palms against them needily, and Joe giggles and moans.

“Is the floor bad for your old man knees?”

John grins back devilishly, pinching Joe's nipples until he squeals. “I'm more worried about your pretty back getting carpet burns as I fuck you senseless-”

"God, yes,” Joe moans, kissing John again and nudging him to the sofa, but John takes his hand and pulls him to the bedroom. 

“More comfortable,” John grins as he presses Joe down and lays on top of him, and Joe wraps his limbs around him, feeling their naked chests touching, their hearts beating rapidly together.

“You’re so fucking hard,” John moans, roughly rubbing their cocks together but they are still clothed, and Joe whimpers in lust and frustration, he needs to feel John's naked cock, hard and veiny and dripping, he must feel it in his hands and mouth and ass or he dies…

“Oh, love,” he moans, biting John's ear as John grunts, licking it to wash the pain away. “I'm so hard, and only if you could feel how-" he gasps as John opens his fly and yanks his jeans off, “how wet my pussy is for you…”

He gasps as the word leaves his mouth, and he knows it works because John groans from the pit of his stomach, his hands tightening on Joe’s now naked thighs. Yes, he’s got a pussy, wet and open, only for John, only John's and nobody else’s, and John kisses down on his stomach, leaving wet, sticky trails on Joe’s skin.

“God, yes, Joe,” John moans above Joe's cock, it's throbbing under John's breath and the head is so slick, and Joe's watching John dipping the tip of his tongue into his dripping precum and swirling it around on his cockhead, and Joe muffles a scream with his hands because John is looking in his eyes as he licks him, and the sight is so incredibly dirty… 

John licks his cock a few times, and Joe has to resist the urge to grab his head and force it down onto his dick, and there's lust swelling in his tummy, his vagina is throbbing and dripping, he feels the wetness between his buttocks and he throws his head back, wanting to jerk himself and finger himself but in the meantime he also wants John to suck him and eat him, and here comes the maddening feeling of omnipotence again because he knows he can get conceived and he knows he’s capable of anything-

He wants to be pregnant again.

No, not just because of the lust.

He wants to have more beautiful children with John.

“I don't even know where to touch you first, love,” John murmurs as he's eagerly sucking on Joe’s glans, and Joe looks up, looks at John stroking himself now, somehow he’s stripped himself and he’s naked, and Joe whimpers at the sight of that cock, enormous and veiny, he could swear it’s bigger than ever, and his own cock throbs and his pussy clenches violently at the sight.

“Oh John, what the fuck are you waiting for," he gasps, half laughing, half moaning, and John grins devilishly.

“I wonder what happens if I pleasure your 'male side' first,” he growls before he swallows Joe’s cock, and Joe’s once again torn between desires, he wants to bury himself in John, the urge to try to impregnate him comes again even though he knows it’s not possible, he wants to have him every way, but the thoughts go away as John’s sucking him hard, his tongue rubbing and stroking under the head of Joe’s dick.

Joe runs his fingers through John's hair and thrusts. So, John wants his male side first? He can have it… 

“Love, let me fuck your mouth,” he moans, and John grins around him, relaxing his throat and letting Joe pump deep into his mouth.

“Fuck, how I love you, my husband, such a lovely mouth," Joe praises him to the moon and back, "oh fuck, hell yeah, I wanna fill it up-”

John moans and holds onto Joe's hips and lets Joe fuck his mouth, and Joe smiles, his legs wrapping around John’s shoulders and he’s getting close-

Suddenly John presses on his perineum and tugs on his balls, slipping a finger into his wet cunt, and Joe feels himself clenching, the hormones of both sexes playing fireworks in his brain and his cock throbs and spurts John’s willing mouth full of white cream, and John moans and chuckles and lets it drip down at the corner of his lips. Joe groans, watching John opening his mouth and showing him his work, his tongue covered in Joe’s cum, and Joe spurts once more at the sight onto John's chin before laying back, limp and panting.

John’s kissing his thigh, and Joe grins.

This is amazing, but it’s still only foreplay.

The main course is yet to come. 

He leans on his elbows, letting John push back on his knees until they are pressed against Joe’s chest, and John gently sucks on his balls.

“I’ve never tasted your pussy before,” he breathes on Joe’s skin, and Joe shivers at his voice, hoarse and full of lust. “Now I'm gonna eat it until you scream…"

“Oh god." Joe drops back, grabbing his knees and pulling them up even more as John’s tongue is lapping his asshole, circling it but not breaching yet, and his muscles clench invitingly. The lust comes back with full force, a different kind of lust coming from deeper, from somewhere dark deep inside him.

He’s ready for John’s seed.

John’s breath is hot as he gently laps Joe's hole, and Joe mewls as John’s tongue finally penetrates him, and fuck, how that feels, his muscles are undulating and clamping, trying to pull that sweet, hot tongue in even deeper…

John moans so loudly, fucking him with his tongue now, and Joe feels his saliva mingling with his own juices and John licks him frantically with loud, slurping sounds like he's having the time of his life, his whole face buried between Joe’s buttocks and it’s not enough, never enough, Joe wants to feel something bigger, he wants to get filled…

“John,” he gasps and John looks up, his chin and lips and even his nose is glistening with Joe’s juices, his eyes so dark it’s almost scary.

Joe grins, gesturing John closer, and John grins back, dipping a finger in Joe’s pussy, looking for his G-spot, and Joe lets out an elongated moan when he finds it.

“Damn, love, you’re- you're so hot and wet and tight-” John whispers as he once again lies between Joe’s legs. “Taste yourself, how delicious you are," he whispers, and Joe opens his mouth and sucks on John's finger. 

It tastes like pussy indeed, a bit sour but strangely tasty, maybe because it’s for John and John only, and Joe lusciously sucks on the finger and swirls his tongue and lets it go with a loud pop.

“What are you waiting for, love,” he purrs, wrapping his arms around John's burning body. “Don't you want to fuck me and come inside me? Don't you want to put another baby in me?”

John groans, kissing Joe, and Joe can feel their tastes mixing and it’s the hottest thing ever.

Being so close to John, hard and wet and ready for him, open for him, open for his seed to make another child…

“Are you sure, sweetheart?” John asks, looking into his eyes. “Are you sure you want to be pregnant again? Give birth again?”

Joe blinks.

“Of course! Why? Do you think I have doubts?”

“No, love, it’s just…” John strokes Joe's face, searching for the words. “You didn't always enjoy your first pregnancy and I don't want you to suffer through another one. I'm fine with adoption too-"

Joe smiles, kissing John's hand. “Oh, John, I’ve thought about this a lot. Believe me, it’s fine.”

John looks at him, hope glistening in his eyes. “Really?”

“Yes." Joe touches his lips with his own. "And it's not my hormones speaking”.

They've indeed talked about this as an opportunity, waiting for another ovulation patiently, reading about it whether it happens at all. It does, but it often takes a few years, probably so the male body can properly regenerate.

Joe has been completely healed for a while now, and he can’t wait to be a dad again.

“I love you,” John says then, kissing him, this time very tenderly, and Joe kisses him back, feeling the muscles under John’s skin, grabbing his ass.

“I love you too,” Joe whispers. “Now, fuck me, please, I need you in me-”

John gasps as he’s lining them up, gently stroking Joe’s hole with the head of his dick for a while until Joe’s an impatient, whimpering mess, and he feels emptier than ever-

John then takes his hands in his and slowly presses in, pressing through the ring of muscles with only the head of his dick first, and Joe moans as intense pleasure is lightning through his loins, and John trembles, drawing it out, sharp, short breaths whistling through his clenched teeth. Joe growls, pulling him in with his legs and John is suddenly buried in him with a hard thrust, and Joe cries out as John’s every inch fills him up, and his vagina embraces him fully and completely, and John groans, kissing Joe, his cock throbbing in him.

It’s maddening. It's perfect. Joe’s body has been crafted for this very moment, and he clenches his muscles and John cries out in pleasure, and Joe forces his eyes open, watching his blissed face.

They stay like this for a minute or two, panting on each other's lips, just feeling the tightness and heat and their perfect fitting into each other.

Oh, how Joe loves to be filled by this man.

His life, his future.

“John,” he moans when he can't take the lust anymore, “please, move, I'm going mad-”

“Give me a minute, if I move now I will come immediately,” John pants, smiling breathlessly, and Joe moans because it’s pure agony in ecstasy, and he shifts his hips until he feels John’s cock pressing against his womb-

“Fuck,” he moans, he can't wait for John's cum in him. “If you're not doing it, I'm gonna ride you till you're dry-”

John grimaces painfully, taking a few deep breaths and starting to thrust.

It’s all too wet, tight and hot, John is so huge and Joe cries out, and they watch each other's faces, twisted with lust and the knowledge that this is the time of creation.

Last time, they didn't know. But now…

John fucks him with slow, deep and very hard thrusts, and Joe throws his head back, begging John to let his hands go so he can hold him, and John leans on his elbows, kissing Joe’s face and sucking his neck as Joe's arms wrap around his waist and pull him deeper.

“Oh, Joe,” John moans, licking Joe's shoulders and smelling him, “you feel amazing, I've never felt anything like this. You’re everything, ah, fuck- you’re so… hard and wet and… god, you’re so  _ ripe, _ oh god, I want to make another baby with you-”

God, yes, Joe's deepest desires-

“Yes, love, do it," he moans, pulling John even deeper than he thought was possible, his muscles waving around John’s dick, wanting to keep him inside forever-

“Yeah, you want to feel it, sweetheart? Want to feel me flooding you with my cum?" John whispers, reaching between them to stroke Joe’s cock and balls, and Joe’s mind is going crazy with the mixed feelings, he feels androgynous and feminine yet more of a man he’s ever been, he wants John to talk to him like this forever and he wants his baby so fucking much-

“Yes, John, fill me up, put another baby in me," he moans, smiling dazedly. “Plant a daughter in me, I want a little girl-”

John smiles, tenderly stroking Joe’s cock, slipping his hand to his tummy to massage it where Richie used to be growing. “I want it again, too. I want to watch you being pregnant again, fuck, watch you grow my baby, watch you get, fuck, get big and round and hairy and lovely and aggressive and irresistible-”

Joe chuckles, because yes, it’s going to be a wild ride again but he knows how it works and he’s ready for it… 

He’s fucking back against John’s thrusts now.

“Give it to me, husband,” he groans, because John's found that tender spot inside him and now pressing against it, getting faster and harder. “Give me all your cum, fill me up-”

John groans, sitting back on his heels and grabbing Joe’s hips and pulling him onto himself, and Joe knows he looks exposed and ready and beautiful, and John is sweating and panting so deliciously-

“I’m close, love,” John gasps, “I wanna make you come like this, can you come for me without touching your cock?”

God, fuck yes. Joe throws his head back and squeezes his muscles to make John come, the desire to feel his cum is getting overwhelming and he’s so fucking wet it’s dripping out of his ass, and John is fucking him hard now, his dick feels bigger and bigger inside-

“Fuck, ah- fuck me pregnant, John!” Joe almost screams as he feels the pleasure mounting, he never came before just like this but this time is different and John’s pressing just at the right places-

When John's hand wanders onto Joe's tummy to stroke it, Joe comes, suddenly and explosively, his cock spurting and his vagina milking John’s dick, and John cries out, too, holding onto Joe’s hips so hard he sure leaves bruises, and Joe is getting filled, he’s getting conceived, and the thought makes him spurt a few more times-

John then collapses on him, sweaty and panting, his lips caressing Joe's neck.

Joe feels so full, and he's addicted to this feeling.

They did it. They're making another baby.

He slowly grins at the thought.

“How are you feeling?” he asks John, who's holding him almost enchanted.

John looks up with a slow smile.

“Amazing. I hope we succeeded.”

Joe grins. “I'm pretty sure you haven't misfired." John snorts, gently tugging on Joe's ear with his lips. “We can try again, you know. Just to make sure.”

“Yeah, we absolutely will. Just to make sure." John kisses Joe's face, gently sweeping the hair from his forehead. “Richie will be so happy with a little sibling.”

Joe smiles tenderly, imagining their son’s face lighting up at the news of the future baby, as it does whenever he’s happy.

“Stay inside me,” he asks when John tries to move, hugging him even closer, enjoying the feeling of being filled up. Now, his 'female part' is satisfied as well.

For now.

“Okay, I'm trying,” John smiles, gently stroking Joe's chest. “Tell me when you're ready to go again.”

Joe chuckles. “Ready when you are, as many times as you are.”

“Don't underestimate me,” John smiles, and Joe closes his eyes, relaxing before the next round. 

He can never have enough of his husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is my guilty and very dirty pleasure, not gonna lie.  
Also, how do children work?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying for another baby can be exhausting.

Joe’s lying on his back, panting, sweat beading above his lips, his hands grabbing John’s hands. He groans, fire spreading in his pelvis, and he squeezes his eyes shut, listening to John breathe in his ear.

“You can do it, love,” John whispers and Joe shivers, “you can do it for me. You can hold back a bit more before I let you come. But it will be worth it, my only love, it will be so worth it, I promise…”

“God, John,” Joe moans, his hands squeezing John's as he’s thrusting upwards, the cock ring he wears is tight and merciless, trapping his blood, making his dick throb violently.

The only thing that’s tighter than the ring is John’s wonderful ass around him.

Joe parts his lips against the pressure of John's tongue, letting it sneak into his mouth and caress his, and Joe sucks on it. He loves filling John and getting filled by him, and he really really wishes they were able to fuck each other at the same time…

He opens his eyes when John grunts on his lips, watching John straightening up, revealing his body for Joe to see.

The hips are undulating slowly, and Joe’s watching those tensing, strong thighs, that sweet, soft abdomen, the waist with small love handles. John. His husband, his love.

Joe moans as he's watching the pleasure written over John's face as he’s riding him, his big, hard cock bouncing as he slides up and down on Joe, and Joe bites his lips, his wrists tensing against his handcuffs.

They've been mating for more than thirty hours now, eating only a few bites off each other's bodies and out of each other’s mouth, calling Richie once ("the puppy is so cute and we made sandcastles!" their boy squealed enthusiastically), only sleeping for a short time when they finally got tired, sweaty bodies tangled together, sticky with both of their cum.

And it’s only getting more intense.

Joe feels wetness dripping out of him, his female side aching, longing to be satisfied but it has to wait a bit and he mewls, the vibrator inside him being oscillated even harder by John's evil hands on the remote.

“John,” Joe is panting, begging for mercy, he's never suffered this much in sweet, pure agony. “John, love, please, let me come- come inside me, please. I need it, I want it. I want to come with you, together with you- please, let me come, please fill me up…”

John smiles, breathless, reaching back to cup Joe's balls and caress them and tug on them, and Joe cries out shamelessly. 

There's no need to be ashamed of their desires, or bodies, or lust.

John tilts his hips until Joe’s cock pressed against his prostate, groaning.

“Are you close, love?” he whispers, leaning down onto Joe, his musky scent of sex making Joe drool and his cock throb. “Does your little pussy ache to come? Or maybe your cock is the one that’s more eager, huh?”

Joe groans, his bound hands grabbing thin air, his ass clenching and his hips rising up to fuck into John’s body even deeper, and John growls. 

“Tell me how you want to come. I can make you come any way you want. Want me to-- turn this up?” John holds up the remote, pressing a button and the vibrating goes straight against Joe’s G-spot, making him let out a mewl, long and desperate. “Or want me to take the ring off you?” 

Joe squeezes his eyes shut, the pleasure skyrocketing and he's running out of breath, he doesn't know what he whispers anymore but he feels so much, his vagina’s throbbing and his cock is so hard it might explode, he’s so full and he's surrounded by John and it's too much…

“John, please, I can’t, please, fuck me, please ride me, please make me come, I’ll do anything just- make me come, please-”

“Good lad,” John moans, riding him harder and turning the remote even higher, and Joe grinds his teeth as he watches John’s cock bouncing, his whole body sweating. 

Finally, John reaches back to loosen the ring, and pleasure bursts somewhere deep, deep inside of Joe’s loins, his walls are clenching around the vibrator, the ecstasy is spreading from his pussy and his cock straight into his thighs and ass and tummy, and he cries out with a loud yelp, spurting inside of John, filling him up, and he feels like a god, creating and conceiving, imagining once again that he’s impregnating John even though he knows he can't, and he’s holding onto his husband for dear life, whimpering his name.

It’s not possible for both of them to get pregnant, but still, what a dream.

Joe’s secret fantasy.

He just realizes that John has freed his hands, and Joe tightens his arms around John’s narrow waist, slowly thrusting inside him until the waves die down.

John is softly panting, and Joe taps for his cock. John hasn't come yet, and his dick twitches in Joe's hand.

”Joe, Joe,” John whines, gently riding Joe’s still hard cock, and Joe palms the head of his erection, rolling the foreskin up and down, stroking him with slow, delicate movements.

John moans so sweetly, and Joe smiles a devilish grin.

“Oh, love, it was amazing. Wouldn’t it be amazing if you came for me, too?”

“Joe, please…”

“Soon, darling,” Joe purrs, holding onto John's lovely body, feeling his heat and his hot, sweaty skin against his, the revenge is sweet and so erotic, “save that delicious cum for me a little bit longer. I want to feel it, I want it in me-”

John moans against Joe's lips as they kiss, sloppily and loudly before chuckling.

“Oh, you want to make that baby so bad, right,” he asks, and Joe smiles, nodding. “I love how much of a beast you turn into when you want to get knocked up by me. How you beg for it, how much you can take…”

John smiles, turning on the vibrator one more time for a second, and Joe groans. “I’ll give it to you soon, love. Ask me for it.”

“Please,” Joe whispers in this sweet, naughty game of giving and receiving, twitching inside John, needing him to feel him inside himself in return. “Please give me another baby, I want your baby, I want to carry a part of you, something that’s both of us…”

John moans, gently getting off Joe and pulling the vibrator out of him, tossing it aside.

He leans between Joe’s thighs, observing him, and Joe spreads his legs for him, not ashamed at all, not shy, because John has seen him in every state imaginable, and he still wants him.

“So amazing,” John whispers, gently fingering Joe, parting his buttocks so he can take a better look at him, “so amazing, Joe. What a special man you are, I’ll never get over it. Oh, damn, you’re so wet, it’s flowing out of you. So pure, so pink…”

Joe moans as John’s words are puffing on his opening, and John gently licks him, circling around his open hole, plunging his tongue in and Joe clenches around it, trying to suck it into himself. 

John chuckles.

“Patience, little darling,” he whispers, breath warm on Joe's heated hole, “I'll be inside you in a second…”

Joe moans as John kneels up and lays on top of him and unceremoniously thrusts inside, and Joe cries out. John’s cock is so much thicker than the vibrator was- 

“Deeper,” he moans, but John is already fucking him roughly, he’s been probably wanting to do it for ages but even when they’re trying to conceive, John’s top priority is Joe’s pleasure…

John is panting, holding onto Joe’s hips, and Joe encourages him with the filthiest words that only leave his mouth when he's eager for his seed, begging him to fill him up to the brim-

John groans at his words.

“I’m gonna fill you up as you wish, my beautiful love,'' he pants, leaning down and licking Joe’s nipples until he squeals, “gonna, fuck, I'm gonna squirt inside of you, I'm gonna knock you up- gonna fill you with babies, as many as you want…”

Joe grabs his hips, pulling him deeper until he feels John’s balls slapping against his ass, and John throws his head back, his movements getting out of rhythm. 

“Come,” Joe growls in a deep, raspy voice, commanding him, squeezing him, watching his face twisting in exertion.

“Yes, I'm- there-” John chokes out, stilling for a second before his cock twitches and spurts, filling Joe’s pussy up with cum, and Joe comes too, unexpectedly, their moans mingling, he barely has any more seed left but John’s pleasure is his pleasure, and nothing else matters.

They're lying tangled together, still conjoined like every time after John has come inside of Joe, panting and sweating.

Joe loves this feeling of being sore, contented and emotional. 

He's absentmindedly caressing John's back, his mind on his husband and his son and their future children and the dog they're going to get-

“Have you thought about names?” John asks, nipping Joe’s ears.

“Ah, if it’s a girl, we can go with Aurora, like we originally planned.” Joe smiles with closed eyes, enjoying John’s softening cock and heavy body. “Rory, Rory. I like how that name sounds.”

“And if it’s a boy again? You know my Y chromosomes are strong,” John jokes, gently pulling out of Joe, drawing lazy circles on his tummy, enjoying the summer breeze of the evening on their heated bodies.

Joe chuckles.

“You should suggest something, too.”

“I love _ your _name,” John says, burrowing his face in Joe’s armpit, smelling his fertile scent. “Joe. Joe. Joey. We can give it to him, or maybe as a second name.”

Joe smiles, tearing up. “That’s lovely. But there are enough Joe Mazzellos already-”

John hums. “I also like… Andrew. And… Benjamin.”

Joe’s eyes flick open, looking curiously at John, and John raises an eyebrow. “I like his name, okay?”

“Only his name?” Joe jokingly pokes him, and John blushes slightly. “Awww, you have a crush on Ben!”

‘I don’t!” John laughs dismissively, reaching for a bottle of water and chugging up half of it. “I like him but it’s nothing like _ that. _ He’s always been very sweet with you and he loves Richie and… I like talking to him, okay? He’s smart-”

Joe grins so widely his face might split into half, thinking back of the times John has taught Ben how to repair his car or his bike, how they joked and bantered with each other for hours. “Ah, it’s sweet! Johnny and Benny sitting on a tree, K-I-S-”

“You cut it out,” John playfully pushes him away, and Joe smiles, rolling on top of John.

“Andrew Benjamin. I fucking love this name.”

John smiles, holding him close and kissing him, the touching of lips getting desperate.

Andrew. Or Aurora.

Joe is so, so ready to have more kids, and ready to go again soon. He’s searching for John’s eyes with his own, and John returns his gaze, his gray eyes reflecting the same desire.

Joe sighs, and melts into John’s arms.

Joe is restless.

He knows it’s too early to tell, it’s only been a few days, but he can’t stop thinking of whether they succeeded or not.

“Joe, relax! You’re driving me mad,” John says after Joe has been standing up and sitting down all day, picking up a book then putting it down again, playing with Richie but his mind somewhere else, throwing the ball back to their son but way too forcefully. Thankfully Richie ducks his head and doesn't get hit.

“I knoooow, sorry!” Joe whines, his mind keeps going back to the stash of pregnancy tests he’s already bought, three different kinds.

He’s observing himself, whether he feels any differently but nothing so far, except maybe the nervousness, or maybe it’s more like anticipation, but that’s normal.

“Give it a few weeks, love,” John whispers when Richie sits down to watch a cartoon John has put on. “Not even my sperm can travel with the speed of light,” he jokes, and Joe can’t help but chuckle.

John's right. He really needs to chill.

Joe's been a bit anxious because he wants more kids, but also because he’s been looking for jobs as well.

It’s been a while since he acted. 

The last time he worked was when Richie was already a year old, and he didn’t act then, only directed.

Maybe he was subconsciously ashamed of his body’s changes, and that kept him back from the screen. Not that most of them were permanent, and certainly not visible under his clothes, but he’s got a few very nasty comments on his Instagram from his so-called fans while he was pregnant, and right after.

He always knew that the world doesn't really perceive carriers well, but he didn't expect the disrespect, nor the total disappearance of opportunities and respect within his profession.

He sighs after he's finished talking to his agent on his phone, waiting for Ben to arrive for a quick lunch at a fish and chips place.

Still no jobs on the horizon.

He's started to live up his savings. He'd hate to become dependent on John's wealth, so he'll need to find something soon, hopefully before his belly grows huge again. Anything minor. Anything that's not a soap opera. Nevermind, even a soap opera would do. An episode in a series. A commercial. Anything.

He misses acting like fresh air.

Damn, he’s hungry.

Ben arrives, just in time, ruffled and obviously upset, and Joe suddenly feels worried.

“Hey, mate, how’s it going?”

“Hey, I'm fine. Give me something strong before lunch,” Ben barks, waving for the waiter and ordering a whiskey and his food before he turns to Joe, and Joe blinks a few times, a little slowly.

“A fish and chips for me too, with an iced tea, please.”

The waiter nods, and Ben leans back on the chair, breathing out deeply before he looks at Joe, smiling.

“Iced tea? Does that mean what I think it means?”

Joe blushes. “I don’t know yet. It's too early. It’s only been three weeks.”

Ben shakes his head. “Oh yeah, I forgot. I kind of lost my sense of time.”

Joe observes him, the lines around his lips that are usually not there, the veins pulsating on his temple.

“What’s wrong?” he asks finally.

The whiskey arrives with Joe’s iced tea, and Ben cheers him before gulping it up, shaking his head and slamming down the glass.

“Keira dumped me.”

“What?!” Joe can’t believe his ears. 

After Ben had learned to live with his mate's death, he's started to date, but as far as Joe knows, he only managed to get one night stands. He thought Keira was different. The girl looked sweet though a bit of a nervous type, but Ben is good at handling other people’s nervousness.

Ben shrugs.

“Seems like it’s my cross, buddy. I’m going to keep searching, but you know, maybe I'm just destined to be forever alone.”

“Why did she dump you?” Joe still has to process the information. Why would _ anyone _ dump Ben?

Ben scoffs, stubbornly staring at the glass in his hand, spinning the whiskey around.

“She… went through my phone. Nothing serious or stalky, just looking at our pictures of the Brighton festival. And…”

Joe tenses, waiting for the punch line. Did she find nudes of another girl? A boy?

Ben looks at Joe for a second before staring into the void.

“You know, it never came up, the technical details. She knew I had two kids, she was fine with that, though she said she wanted to travel for a few more years. It’s okay though, we weren't planning to get married after three months. But then she scrolled way back and found… pics of me. You know. When I was… carrying Layla.”

Joe sits back like he got slapped in the face.

So, it’s the same shit.

The same shit that got him mocked by random guys on the street, that had earned him pitying looks from women, the shit that made him scared to act again, the reason why he wasn’t even asked in the first place.

Because people still think carriers are freaks.

He can’t really blame them. He thought the same thing at first.

So the same shit happened to Ben.

Joe knows Ben doesn't really advertise the fact he’s a carrier and many people don't know it. Probably his agent doesn't know it either, or if they do, they're very good at covering it up. Probably the latter, you can't really keep secrets from your agent. Joe knows.

His own agent mocked him for dating John, then he mocked him for getting knocked up, telling him that it won’t be easy to find jobs for him, that he can't really help him but alert all his connections and pray for a miracle.

Joe’s eyes sting with helpless anger.

Many girls or boys shy away when they learn Ben's got two kids, or that he's a carrier. They find an excuse to leave or get straight-up grossed out. 

One of the few exceptions is Ben’s ex-wife, Carrie, who was not only understanding about Ben and his mate, but also about their child.

Layla lives with Ben, but his son Christopher spends much time at his place, and sometimes he takes his daughter to Carrie’s place too because the kids love each other very much. Chris is eight now and Layla is just starting school. Ben said he hopes she won't get mocked because she only has a father.

“I’m sorry, mate,” Joe says, putting his arm around Ben’s shoulder comfortingly.

“Nah, it’s fine. Who needs bigots in their lives anyway,” Ben shrugs, obviously upset and disappointed, and Joe pats his shoulder.

They talk, mostly about their kids, but also about work. Ben stars in another action movie. 

“There are a lot of close-ups of my face, gotta find a new anti-aging cream,” he jokes, and Joe grins, a bit enviously.

“I’m jealous of you. I haven’t acted in years. It didn't bother me so far but… Richie is growing super fast and I'd love to act once more before I get as big as a whale again.”

Ben smiles.

“I guess we’re never satisfied with what we have. You envy my job, I envy your marriage…”

“We should switch lives for a day or two,” Joe jokes, thinking of acting and how much he misses it, the process of memorizing the script and fleshing out a character made out of just a few lines, getting into their head.

“Nah,” they say it together after a pause, and they both chuckle.

Ben orders another whiskey, and Joe stops for a second, just realizing what Ben said.

_ I envy your marriage. _

But then their food arrives and Joe quickly forgets about that half-sentence, gorging up his fish like there’s no tomorrow, and Ben stares at him, amused.

“Are you that eager already? I bet you succeeded in… _ creating, _” he grins, apparently feeling a little better, but still mostly just picking at his food.

“Is it possible that it… didn't happen?” Joe asks, thinking back of the crazy amount of sex he and John had, wondering if there’s a chance of _ not _conceiving. 

“Well, I think so, buddy,” Ben says, considering it. “Not gonna lie, Drew and I succeeded on the first try. But I'm sure it doesn’t always go that smoothly. But I wouldn't worry if I were you. I’m sure it's all fine.”

“Thanks." Why is he even considering it? Joe shrugs.

He finishes his french fries (“Chips, huh? Stupid British,” he grins), staring longingly at Ben’s.

Ben looks at him, scoffing and shaking his head.

“Have it, I'm not hungry,” he says, smirking and sliding his plate in front of Joe who throws a grateful grin at him.

Richie and John are at the playground or doing grocery shopping when Joe arrives home.

All of his mind is on the new baby, he's been restless, even Ben told him at the end to go home and do the damn tests.

Joe calculates as he opens the wrapping in the bathroom, quickly reading the instructions. It's been three weeks. Last time it took about three weeks to make sure.

His hand trembles as he tries to pee onto the end of the stick, putting it aside as he waits for the results.

He sighs deeply. This will be the longest three minutes of his life.

The main door slams open and his son is screaming for him, even though he faintly hears John’s softly soothing him.

Joe's heart flutters at the voices of his family. He smiles, momentarily forgetting about the test, hurrying to them to hold them in his arms.

Richie is so small, but his love for the world is enormous as he babbles about a dinosaur coloring book in his hands that he begged out of John, and John smiles as Joe picks their son up and spins him around. 

Richie opens the book and shows the dinosaurs to Joe, and Joe asks their names and Richie knows all of them, well, some of them are incorrect but it doesn’t matter, and John presses a kiss on Joe’s lips, stroking his butt, and Joe giggles.

“You’re kissing again,” Richie grimaces, and Joe pats him on the head.

“It’s normal, honey. Papa and I love each other. One day you’ll get kissed on the lips, too, by someone you love.”

“By Papa?”

John snorts, and Joe puts his hands on his knees with laughter.

“No, not by Papa.” Joe wipes his eyes, gasping for air as his laughter fades into giggles. “Now go and wash your hands, honey,” 

The boy pouts.

“Come on, tiny one, I’ll help you,” John says and he takes Richie’s hand, leading him to the bathroom.

Joe smiles, picking up the coloring book and looking at the drawings, remembering the shooting of Jurassic Park, chuckling to himself at the memories.

The test.

It hits him that he's forgotten about it, and his heart pounds as he hurries to the bathroom where John is washing Richie’s hands between his own, their boy squealing and giggling as John makes a fountain with his hands to entertain him.

Joe enters and his eyes immediately dart to the test, and John follows his gaze, stopping mid-movement for a second.

They look at each other in the mirror, and Joe feels like he’s got a sponge in his mouth.

John smiles at him, leaning down to his son to dry his hand. “Richie, go to your room now and color the book, I’ll be there in a minute.”

The boy nods, running out, and John looks at Joe expectantly, a contented smile on his lips.

Joe’s heart is beating is his throat.

John looks at him encouragingly. “Want to see it or want me to look at it first?”

Joe swallows. “You.”

“Two lines mean positive, right?”

“Yep.”

John nods, taking a deep breath and picking up the test. 

He stills.

Time stops as well, because Joe knows the result immediately, he can read John’s face, his gestures.

He’s felt it in his bones.

“It’s…” John’s voice is hoarse and he looks at Joe, his eyes unreadable, and Joe steps to him, taking the stick out of his hand. “It’s negative.”

One line.

He stares at it stupidly until John wraps his arms around his waist, warm and supportive, and Joe leans into his embrace.

Negative. 

He’s not pregnant. It didn’t work this time.

“I…” he starts, not able to process it for a while, his mind already searching for solutions, already denies and bargains… “I have two more tests. Maybe it’s a false negative… Let me do them.”

“Joe, Joe, it’s okay, relax.” John pulls him into his arms as Joe absentmindedly puts the test into his pocket, searching for comfort in John’s body, his scent. “Don’t freak out, please. Maybe you should wait until the morning, do another test freshly then. Or we can call your doctor.”

Joe’s hands are ice cold, but John’s body is reassuring and familiar. Joe inhales deeply, trying to push back the disappointment and frustration.

“You’re right,” he says, wiping his eyes, and John gently pats him on the back. “I’m gonna make a call tomorrow. If the other tests are negative too.”

“And if they are, we can still keep trying,” John says, gently smiling at Joe and kissing his lips, and Joe kisses him back, his love for John calming him down a little. John is so amazing. He’s probably also disappointed, but he still keeps up his hopes.

That night they make slow and gentle and vanilla love, not for the sake of conceiving but just for each other, twining together in a pile of love, hope and promises. As John is tenderly kissing Joe’s body all over, Joe is incredibly grateful for what he already has.

Except a little devil is sitting on his shoulder, whispering to him about all the things that could be, and the things he might need to wait for years again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are not as easy as Joe would like them to be, but he's not someone to give up.

Joe fell asleep surprisingly easily with John tangled around him, only to wake up at the break of dawn, staring at the ceiling with the calming sounds of John’s even breathing, and Richie’s occasional dreamy whimpering coming from the next room.

Joe stares into the half-light, thinking about their future child.

He wonders why it didn’t work this time.

Sure, he has more tests to do, but he’s pretty sure they will be negative as well. He can feel it. He could feel it last time, he can feel it now. Something went wrong.

He takes a few deep breaths, squeezing his eyes shut in disappointment, trying to go back to sleep, slowly counting down from a hundred.

It doesn't work, and he gives up eventually, sneaking out to the bathroom, opening another stick and taking the test.

He waits, not daring to get his hopes up, but his hand still trembles as he picks up the test, the single line in the little window indifferently showing the result.

He stares at it before he throws it against the wall.

He spends the rest of the morning googling about carrier infertility, but there aren’t many articles about the topic. It seems like it’s more of a taboo than male pregnancy itself. He finds forums that have been taken down, as if talking about this was illegal in itself. He wonders how lucky he is that his doctor is also a specialist, who cared for him during his whole pregnancy. A nice gesture from the universe itself.

He waits until it’s 8 am, picking up his phone to make a call.

He showers and dresses, then goes into his son’s room to check up on him, and the boy wakes up, rubbing his tired eyes.

“I’m going out for a while. Want to sleep with Papa a bit more?” Joe asks, and Richie nods. Joe picks him up and takes him to their room, gently lifting the covers to tuck in their son. John instinctively puts an arm around the child before stilling, and Joe smiles. His husband is such a cuddler.

He pats his son's head.

“Go back to sleep, buddy. I’ll be back soon.”

“Where are you going?” Richie asks, but his eyes are already closing as he nestles against John.

Joe takes a deep breath before he turns and leaves, picking up his car keys.

There he is again, staring at the blinding neon lights as he’s lying on his back, but this time, it’s a totally opposite situation.

He knows now what he is, for sure.

But this time…

He closes his eyes, listening to the voice of the specialist.

“These tests are very sensitive. I've seen false positives, but never a false negative.”

How scared he was last time. 

How frustrated he is now. 

“It can be caused by anything, you don’t need to worry. Possibly it’s nothing serious as you conceived before. Let me check you.”

The ultrasound gel is cold on his bare tummy, and Joe listens to the machine’s wobbling sounds.

“Perhaps it was a case of polyspermy, when more than one sperm enters the egg, and it leads to the zygote having more chromosome copies than necessary. It’s quite common in male on male fertilization, but those embryos are not viable.”

Joe stares at the ceiling for a while before he opens his mouth.

“If I didn't get pregnant, will I, um…” His mouth dries out. This is a new thought, and there’s the feeling of weirdness again. “Um, menstruate?”

“No, it doesn't work like that in males.” The doctor narrows his eyes as he’s observing the monitor. “Women’s bodies get the lining of the uterus built up whenever an egg is released… no matter if fertilization occurred or not. Males’ lining only builds up if there was a fertilization. Your lining didn't build up, see? Your womb is flat and thin. So, it’s not polyspermy. Maybe the ovum wasn’t healthy.”

Joe blinks at the screen, at his own ovaries and womb.

“Sometimes it happens.”

Empty. 

There’s silence as the doctor observes him some more, checking up on all of his organs.

“I don't see any scar tissue, or closed fallopian tubes. Everything’s fine.”

Joe’s heard it enough times. Not what he wants to hear.

“Will it… will I have to wait for years to ovulate again?”

The doctor hands him some paper towels, and Joe sees a flash of pity in his eyes, but maybe he’s just imagining it.

“There's a chance, yes.” Joe grunts disappointedly, but the doctor raises a finger. “But usually it happens sooner when the previous ovulation wasn’t successful. Carrier bodies really do like to grab every chance to conceive from their mates. Generally, it is recommended to see a fertility specialist after trying unsuccessfully to conceive for two or three ovulations. I suggest you try a bit more, and if nothing happens, come back and we’ll think of a treatment. Also, I suggest your husband has a check-up as well, especially since he’s older.”

His eyes are kind as he hands Joe the papers and shakes his hand.

Joe feels a bit of relief that only lasts for a short while, evaporating as he steps outside to the bright sunlight.

‘Maybe’ is next to nothing.

He arrives home, feeling empty and disappointed as he’s fidgeting with his keys, and he enters their apartment, listening to the sounds coming from the inside.

He kicks off his shoes, and sneaks to the child's room where his darlings are playing.

He stops in the doorframe, peeking inside.

John is playing with Richie, singing to him in his sweet, tender voice, and Richie tries to mimic him, not always getting the words right. It’s a silly little song about a fox and a rabbit, and John holds up his hand, signaling bunny ears above his own head, then above Richie’s, and the boy giggles.

Joe's watching them with heart eyes.

John is such a wonderful father. Strict when necessary, but very fair and consequent in making barriers, even though Richie is at that age when he's back chatting more and more, John never once lost his patience with him, not even when he was sleep-deprived.

Joe sighs. There's still so much to learn from John, but he's happy that they are together in this adventure. He’s the best teacher a new daddy can have.

John and Richie both giggle, and Joe smiles as he hears out John's higher overtones in their son's voice. Like father, like son.

John notices him then, his eyes lighting up, and he points at Joe, smiling. 

"Look who's here," he says, and Richie follows his finger, screaming when he sees Joe, running over to him on his little legs, and Joe opens his arms, picking up the boy and hugging him tightly.

His son, his little darling, his everything. He closes his eyes, breathing him in, gently rocking him.

Richie of course can sense his gloomy mood, because he looks at him, his eyes serious and questioning.

“What's wrong, Dada?”

Joe pokes his nose, wondering how much he should tell him. He’s learned from John that you have to talk honestly about serious things even with the smallest of children.

“I'm a little sad.”

“Why?”

John comes over to Joe, kissing him on the lips and wrapping an arm around his waist, questions in his eyes, and he and Richie look so alike at this moment that Joe wants to cry. 

“I wanted something and I didn't get it.”

“What?”

Joe glances at John, and John nods. 

"I wanted to bring you a little sister or brother, but I couldn't get one."

Richie looks at him, thinking, furrowing his brows before his face lights up.

"Don't worry, Dada! When I have money, I’ll buy you one in the shop!"

Joe and John both break out in laughter, and Joe wipes his eyes before he hugs his son and then throws him up into the air, listening to the kid’s squealing giggle.

"Thank you, tiny one.”

Joe hugs his son, looking at his husband, shrugging sadly. John’s eyes are a little wistful, but he pokes Joe’s nose then, smiling at him encouragingly, taking them both in his arms, and Joe relaxes.

Later that day they play with their kid, going for a hike to a nearby lakeshore, and in the afternoon watch a children’s movie at the theatre. John falls asleep on Joe’s shoulder, and Joe can’t blame him, the film is stupid and boring as hell. But Richie likes it and laughs a lot, and for now, Joe is able to forget what he desires so deeply, enjoying what he already has.

It’s okay. They still have time.

"This role is exactly the same as the one I played before!"

Joe is furious as he's striding inside the room with his phone glued to his ear.

Matt, his agent has been trying to calm him down at the other end of the line, but when he learned that Joe went behind his back trying to get a job, he simply yelled Joe's head off. 

They’ve had this dog-cat relationship ever since Joe was young, not always agreeing, and Matt can be super crude, but he’s a great communicator and a good professional, and Joe would put his hands in the fire for him. He doesn’t doubt that Matt would do the same for him. 

They are not friends, but they can work together very well.

"You shouldn't have contacted them directly, what the hell!” Joe can swear his hair is waving in the blast of the volume of Matt’s voice. “It makes me look totally incompetent, and you as someone who doesn’t trust his agent!"

Joe sees red.

"I'm an actor, I can play anything, that's my goddamn job! I could play motherfucking Pol Pot if they asked! I could play the little mermaid! And if _ you _ weren’t incompetent, I wouldn't need to peddle for a role-"

"Stop blaming this on me!" Matt snaps before yelling _ fuck off, _probably at some asshole driver in traffic because he slightly changes tone as he talks to Joe again. "You know I'm trying everything in my power and beyond to find you something, but I can’t help their fucking prejudice. This is Hollywood, baby! And I certainly can’t help you if you’re begging for roles behind my back!"

Joe brushes it off.

"It was the sequel to that romantic drama I already starred in, for fuck’s sake. I've proved myself not once before! I have to try to get something, I’m slowly going crazy in this fucking housewife role."

Joe presses his hand against the cold window, trying to calm down a bit. He got dismissed. Why? Hadn’t he proved enough times that he’s a good actor?

Matt snorts.

"And what exactly were you expecting them to do, to tell you the truth?"

"Yes! The truth, and not just 'we'll consider'!"

Matt scoffs, and Joe can practically see him unbelievingly shaking his head. God, he’s annoying.

"Yeah, sure thing! You’re so naive, and how old are you now, thirty? As if they'd ever say 'you pushed a baby out of your ass and you’re living off your rich old husband, we're sorry, but we don’t find you man enough to play a strong character' into your face!"

Joe freezes, his breath hitching for a second.

He swallows.

He’s suspected it, maybe not this harshly, but hearing it from Matt's mouth is like a punch in the face.

Matt is silent as well for a few seconds, and when he starts to speak again, his voice is softer, more empathetic.

"I'm sorry, Joe. God knows I wish I were making this up. But they called me-"

"I know it's not your fault," Joe says quietly, and Matt doesn't answer. "I know you're trying your best. Sorry for going behind your back."

"It doesn’t matter now. But don't give up though! I'll find you something, I promise."

Matt’s voice is falsely cheerful, and Joe wants to crush his phone between his fingers.

“Do you think--” He shouldn’t be asking this because they are not friends, but he needs some reassurance. “Do you think having a kid was a bad decision?”

There’s silence before Matt answers.

“It was a very _ brave _decision, and I’m proud of you.” Since when has he been this kind? Joe allows himself a little smirk. “Whether it was ‘bad’? Only you can answer that.”

Joe presses his burning forehead against the window.

"Thanks. Take care."

"You too. See you."

Joe stares out of the window, to the courtyard where John is playing soccer with Richie, the child's enthusiastic screams coming through the window.

Joe watches them.

He doesn't regret having Richie, or John. Never. Never, never. Richie reaches his arms up for his father to pick him up, and he melts into John’s embrace. He loves to be held, even though he’s getting bigger and bigger. 

Joe observes his boy who’s growing so rapidly it’s crazy.

He would kill for his son, and he would die for his husband.

But he can’t have another child, and can’t get a job either.

He's never longed for a previous life more than at this very moment.

"Fucking yikes, mate."

Ben is staring at him above his beer, shaking his head. Thank god he’s always available nowadays, and Joe is grateful to have him. Not that Ben does mind getting away from his children once in a while. They can be exhausting.

"Such absolute shitheads. I'm sorry."

Joe grumpily gulps down half of his own beer, wiping his mouth.

"Thanks. Well, what the hell can I do? Apparently our kind are not regarded as men."

Ben leans back, taking a sip, carefully forming the thoughts.

"Yeah," he says in the end, "that's why I don't advertise the fact that I'm a carrier."

"I wasn't advertising it either, I was just minding my own business, you know, doing the groceries and shit," Joe says dryly. "If I knew I had to be in the closet, I'd have flown away to the end of the world like you and Drew did."

Joe doesn’t envy Ben though. 

Ben was shamed a few times for being what he is when he became pregnant with Layla, mostly by strangers, not only on the streets but by a few people on the internet who leaked some paparazzi photos of him. Luckily, his agent was able to confute the news as being baseless gossip and photo manips, and his lawyer made sure the pics were taken down, so it’s not widely known that he’s a carrier. 

So he and Drew went into hiding during his pregnancy at the advice of his agent. Six months in the Maldives, where no one knew them, and they flew home on a private flight when it was time to give birth. Joe admiringly nods. Smart. Making an amazing holiday out of an exile.

So Ben didn’t have it easy either, even some of his friends found excuses to stay away from him, but at least his family and his ex-wife have always been supportive. 

Not that Joe’s own family is not supportive. His dad and his brother were shocked at first when they heard the news, but never shamed him or acted around him any differently. Mary took it smoothly as she’s got a friend who’s a carrier as well, playfully taunting him when they met, fussing around his little brother’s growing tummy. And his mom… she almost broke down when she heard the news, apologizing for not taking him to examinations to find it out sooner, and she couldn't stop making a huge thing out of his pregnancy whenever they met, cooking him his favorite foods, mocking John about being a stallion… Joe rolls his eyes, but smiles at the memory. 

Damn, he misses his family.

"Yeah," Ben says, clearly bitter about the whole thing. "Everyone's praising women having kids, why is it shameful when we do it? Babies are babies, what's the difference?"

"Yeah, they are no different. At least Richie doesn't get shamed. But maybe it's because everyone thinks he's adopted. Except when we're both with him; then we can't deny he's ours."

Joe's voice goes tender as he thinks of his son, and Ben looks away.

"It sucks to keep it a secret," he says, bitter about the price of his career. "I wish everyone knew that Layla is mine and Drew's. I wish we didn't have to run away, and we're lucky that Carrie offered to be my… what's the word? Beard?"

Joe smirks.

"No idea what's the word for a pretend baby mommy."

"Yeah. She loves her."

Ben smiles as he thinks of his ex-wife and their little family. 

Joe’s happy that Carrie has been accepting of Ben and treats his little Layla as part of the family. They didn't work out because they were too young when they got together, Ben wasn’t even nineteen yet, and eventually they fell out of love, but they went through so many things together that it strengthened their friendship.

Joe wonders whether he should ask what's been on his mind for a while.

"Aren't you two… planning to get together again?"

Ben looks at Joe, surprised. 

"What? No, oh no," he says, chuckling. "I guess I wanted to tell you but I forgot when Chris was sick, so, Carrie has been seeing a guy called Mark, and it's quite serious. She even jokingly asked for my opinion on him and whether I approve of him. So, no."

"Shame. And what’s he like? I bet he’s not as hot as you," Joe grins. He likes Carrie, a sweet, silly soul who left her acting career to create her own startup for endangered animals instead. When they are together, she and Joe always try to out-sass each other, much to the annoyance of John and Ben.

Ben laughs.

"He’s okay. But nah, we were so young when we met, it was a hasty love. And both of us have changed tremendously. She's like a sister to me, and sometimes she calls me her little brother. But we haven't regretted it for a single second that we had an early baby together. It made us grow up, and though it was super hard sometimes, it made us develop and get stronger.”

Joe thinks about whether he should try to help.

"Well, I have this friend of mine, if you're interested-"

"What's their name?"

Joe blinks. "Madeleine."

Ben grins. "Then no."

Joe stares at him, confused. "What's wrong with her name?"

“Nothing with her name. But I think…" Ben stops, a bit hesitant. "I think I might want a… guy again. I don't know. I've been missing it."

“Aah, you wanna be pregnant again?" Joe coos, though there's a bitter taste in the back of his throat now. He wants to be pregnant again, too, so much… He tries not to complain about it to Ben, but sometimes he can’t completely filter it out of their conversations.

Ben laughs dismissively. "No, I think I’m fine without another pregnancy. I mean… I don't mind if that happens again, but no, that’s not the reason. I just miss cock."

Joe almost spits out his beer, and Ben laughs as Joe wipes his mouth.

"I didn't see that coming."

Ben wiggles his brows, looking into his beer before changing topics, but Joe has a weird thought fidgeting in the back of his mind. He can’t really grasp it, and it goes away as fast as it flashed.

He spends a few weeks practicing different roles in front of the mirror, from The Godfather to the hero of Groundhog Day, hoping that this way he won’t get out of practice by the time he finally gets a role. He entertains John and Richie randomly throughout the days, who are his biggest fans, and the best reward is Richie’s giggle and John’s playful joining into the improvised play.

They’ve more or less accepted that the conception wasn’t successful and they’ll have to wait a bit more to hold a tiny baby in their arms again, but during sleepless nights Joe researches about what could have possibly happened. Out of curiosity. 

You can never know what useful information you can find.

He tries not to think about it too much, and there are weeks when he’s succeeding. But some days he’s restless, and can't think of anything else.

He goes through a checklist he's found online.

‘Ovulation problems.’ That’s certainly not the problem. Except it's not happening as frequently as he’d like to.

‘Endometriosis.’ No, that only applies to women.

‘Pelvic adhesions.’ No, the doctor said it’s fine.

‘Uterine fibroids or polyps.’ No, these are not the reason either.

‘Ejaculatory problems.’ He snorts. Definitely not, John can easily come buckets for days when Joe’s ovulating. He turns a bit red at the memories, his cock twitching interestedly, but Joe rolls his eyes. Not now.

‘Low sperm count.’ Joe narrows his eyes. It's probably not the cause, but he should make John take a test. Just in case.

He puts the info aside. Later.

There’s still time.

He stretches, rubbing his eyes and going to bed, where John is already fast asleep. 

Joe takes off his clothes until he’s only clad in boxers, slipping under the covers, kissing John’s forehead who smiles in his sleep for a second.

Joe lays there, staring into the night again.

Where is this longing for another baby coming from?

They have already made a baby, and the baby is grown now and he’s perfect, literally perfect.

But he wants a daughter. A little girl to take care of, to dress prettily, to discover whether it is any different from raising a boy.

And Joe wants to feel it again. 

The feeling of being full, growing a life inside him, how exciting that is. 

He presses a hand onto his bare tummy, feeling it under his navel, playing with the hair, recalling how Richie used to grow there. Remembering the first small kick, when he had to stop what he was doing, the book dropping from his hand because he was so surprised. Remembering the feel of it in his very core, the movements under his palm. John’s face twinkling as Joe put his hand on his tummy.

He strokes his tummy in slow circles, remembering the hardness of his belly, and how active Richie was in the early evenings, Joe’s tummy undulating so wildly that even John, who had been there during the pregnancies of his ex-wife before, was surprised.

He remembers how Richie calmed down when Joe asked him to stay a bit more still so he can get some sleep.

No, he doesn’t miss the need to pee all the time, neither the loss of appetite as the baby grew, so much that Joe actually lost some weight… Nor the aggression attacks, nor the aching joints, and he’s not too fond of the thought of another childbirth either. But he remembers how nice it felt to be so horny all the time, and how pleasurable the sex was with John like that, and how John was in love with him…

Being full of John’s child.

Joe’s getting hard at the memory, but he’s too tired to do anything about it. He absentmindedly cups his cock through his boxers, but then instead he turns toward John, hugging him from behind, and John sighs in his sleep. 

Joe’s falling asleep too.

He’s dreaming.

This dream is hot, hotter than any of his dreams as he’s wrapped around John’s heaving, strong body, salty skin of broad shoulders under his lips, narrow hips under his hands, and Joe’s roughly, passionately taking him from behind. 

John is so incredibly tight it makes him lose his mind, the sweat of their bodies making this even dirtier, more slippery, and he loves John, he’s never loved him this much before… John’s incoherently begging for him to go deeper, to go faster, to be rough, and Joe groans, reaching around for John’s dick, his hands brushing against a firm curve.

Joe gasps, pulling out and turning John onto his back, and his breath stops at the sight.

John is so… ethereal. The halo of the same nobleness he used to possess when he was young coronates him, and he has an angelic, ageless shine on him, even though he’s not young anymore.

He’s breathtakingly beautiful, and Joe’s heart aches.

John smiles at him, the back of his own fingers sliding from his lips through his collarbone and chest, to his big, round belly.

“Do you like it, love?” John asks in his shyest, most tender voice, and Joe’s mouth hangs open as he’s looking at John’s body, and his trembling hands move to touch John’s tummy, observing the hardness of it, feeling a baby moving inside. “Do you like what you did to me? Look at me, carrying your child, it’s yours, and no one else’s. It feels wonderful, I’ve wanted to experience this for so long. This is what you wanted, too, isn't it?”

Joe’s heart is bursting with joy and love for his husband, and he leans down to kiss him, and John smiles against his lips, and Joe’s hands are roaming across John’s belly, admiring the curve, the hugeness, the furry skin, and he crawls lower to kiss it, the baby kicking under his lips, and the possessiveness and pride washing over him are so strong he almost cries.

“Incredible, my tiny baby is in there…" he breathes, and John lifts Joe’s chin with a finger, his eyes vulnerable and hopeful. 

“Will you be there for me when our daughter arrives?”

“Yes,” Joe whispers, tears flowing from his eyes, “I won't ever leave your side. I won't. I’ll help you deliver our baby, like you helped me, I'll never leave you…”

His baby, his husband.

John moans, running his hands from his belly to his cock, and Joe leans down, taking him into his mouth to please him because that’s what he deserves, he deserves all the love and pleasure, and he’s stroking that wonderful belly, and John moans and tenses and comes, and Joe tastes his sweet, sweet cum-

He jerks awake, his heart racing in his chest, and he’s clinging to his dream like the most beautiful thing ever that's just been torn away from him, wiping his eyes in frustration; but he still holds onto the lingering sight, and he wraps himself around John, breathing into his neck. John moans in his sleep, not wanting to wake up, but Joe needs to have him right now-

“John, John,” he whispers gently, and John groans, instinctively pressing back against Joe’s lap, “John, I need you, please, let me, please-”

“Joe, Jesus Christ,” John murmurs, reaching back slowly to grab Joe's hips, how can he be sleepy when Joe’s on fire? “What’s going on-- did you dream something?”

“Yes, I did,” Joe moans into John’s ear, his hands already under John’s t-shirt, feeling up his chest and nipples and stomach, his tummy that’s frustratingly flat and not round, but his cock is very much there, slowly awakening under Joe’s teasing hand…

What a man John is. Joe’s mind is still full of the image of John pregnant with his child, and John reaches for the lube on the nightstand, slowly preparing himself and Joe, and Joe goes crazy…

“Ready, handsome?” he asks as John squeezes him in revenge for waking him up, and he chuckles. John nods, breathing out and letting Joe enter him, and Joe groans, he can't really hold back anymore. His hands are on John’s tummy, wanting to feel something that’s not there, but it’s okay, the dream is fading anyway and the reality of John is even better, his smell surrounds him as his body surrounds Joe’s, and he wants more…

“Good?” he asks as he moves, and John moves back against him, breathing “more”, and that's what Joe needs- 

He rolls John onto his stomach, mounts him and reaches under him, making a tunnel from his hand for him to thrust into, and John’s soft moans are making him crazy, he wants to pleasure this man more than he wants to get pleasured. John lifts his hips up to thrust, moaning his name softly…

“John, John, I love you,” Joe whispers back, biting on his husband’s nape, he’s close, but oh, the image of John under him comes back, John whispers “plant a baby in me, love”, and Joe comes immediately, his hips pressing against John’s ass, wanting to fill him up, wanting to impregnate him if himself can’t be pregnant again…

He finds himself panting against John’s back, his hand sticky with John’s cum, and he lifts it to his mouth, tasting him, licking it clean. 

He’s addicted to this man, but he’s almost forgotten it in the despair of wanting another baby.

He’s a little ashamed of himself.

“I love you,” he whispers again before rolling off John, and John turns towards him, smiling lazily, cupping Joe’s face.

“I know what you’re dreaming about,” John whispers, and Joe’s eyes widen. “Don't think I don't know about your secret fantasy. Of me, carrying a baby for you.”

“Is it that obvious?” Joe asks, very embarrassed, but John just smiles.

“I know you. And I'm okay with that.”

Joe’s face is burning, wondering how does John know about this. Maybe he talks in his sleep. No, he doesn't want to know how.

“I’m sorry that I can’t, though,” John whispers, his voice sad, and Joe kisses him.

“It’s okay. John, really. It’s just a fantasy. I don't mind if it never happens.”

John smiles slowly, his eyes closed now. “I wish I could.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Joe hugs him, burrowing his face in his neck.

“We’ll make another one, I promise,” John murmurs before falling back asleep in his arms.

Joe follows him.

It’s okay. They still have time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This bitch is back with the story! I hope we're all rooting for our boys to reach everything they want in life!  
Please don't be shy to contact me if you have any questions about this AU.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe can't believe their child is going to kindergarten already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little family fluff.

Joe’s half-lying, half-sitting on the couch with his eyes closed, feeling the weight of his son on his chest and in his lap, and he sighs, listening to the sounds of the sleeping kid.

Richie has been very anxious about the kindergarten that starts tomorrow, and it took a while for Joe to be able to calm him down. He doesn't know where his baby got his fears from - he and John have only ever told him about how much he’s going to learn and how many new friends he will make and all the exciting things he will get to do, but apparently, Richie has his own version in his imagination, probably the image of a very big, very scary, cursed forest with thorny plants and werewolves…

Joe smiles to himself as he’s reaching up to scratch his nose, careful not to wake his son. He’ll let him snooze a bit more on his chest before he puts him in bed.

He inhales Richie’s kid scent, holding his body closer. 

He’s getting bigger and taller day by day so it seems, and Joe's amazed by how fast his vocabulary and grammar are developing, how much clearer he can express himself by now, the smart questions he’s asking, how sweet and childish but how logical his thinking is, how his creativity grows, as well as his need for love and communication, and his desire to learn. 

Joe turns his head to look at John who's chilling next to them, resting his feet on the table, reading a newspaper, and he looks at Joe, and Joe looks at his son and then back at John, drinking in his husband's broad smile, sharing a knowing look with him.

It’s amazing what they’ve made.

Even though Richie is in his backchat phase now, asking super annoying “why why why why” questions all day, screaming as he’s fighting against the boundaries that his parents have set for him, trying out his own willpower, testing the waters of how far he can go.

Joe gets frustrated with him sometimes, and he’s forever grateful that John's there with his routine, who has already raised children and can handle the typical third-year crisis. It’s very rare for John to lose his temper with Richie, but John is still John and sometimes he uses too sharp words with him, not intending to hurt him but to teach him. Richie once tried to put a fork into an electric socket, even though it’s baby-proofed, but John apparently had forgotten about it and his dad reflexes worked because he slapped the boy’s hand so forcefully that Richie came running to Joe, crying. Joe smiles. They both had to reason with him to make him understand that it was supposed to save him, no hurt him. Thankfully, Richie is smart and he understood it in the end, and forgave John when he apologized.

Joe sighs, holding the kid a bit closer, feeling his rapid heartbeat on his chest, pressing a gentle kiss to his ginger hair.

Such a beautiful child. Joe knows he’s probably biased, but Richie is indeed very pretty. He's going to be so handsome, like his dads.

He smiles, tearing up a little with the love for his son, and he feels John putting his hand on his, and they lock gazes again, feeling content and satisfied.

Joe sighs happily, puckering up to mimic a kiss for John. He’s going to put Richie in bed soon (his legs are starting to get pins and needles), but he enjoys this perfect idyllic moment for now.

“Will you come back for me soon?”

Richie’s eyes are full of tears and fear, and Joe smiles, even though he hates to see his son this upset.

“Lil buddy, you’ll be fine, I promise,” he says, glancing up at the kindergarten teacher who smiles at him encouragingly - she probably has seen many anxious first-time parents with first-time kindergarten children before. “We’ll be back for you in a few hours, okay? I promise you will have fun.”

“I’ll miss you,” Richie says, whining a bit, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, and Joe hugs him, his heart breaking a little.

“You’re my big son now, Richie, you know that?” he murmurs, looking into his son’s eyes and patting his head. “Big and brave, aren't you?”

Richie lets out a half-smile, nodding finally, throwing himself at John who kneels down to him as well.

“Come back soon, Papa!” Richie says into John’s ears, and John holds him with closed eyes.

“We’ll get you in the afternoon, tiny one,” he says, and Richie smiles, apparently calming down a bit, and when John lets him go, he takes the teacher’s hand. 

“Come on, Richie, meet the other kids, okay?” The teacher says cheerfully, nodding at the parents before leading the boy away.

Joe and John stand up, looking after their son, both of them sighing before grinning at each other. John takes Joe’s hand and pulls him out of the building, and Joe follows him, feeling proud, but also a bit lost. This is the beginning of a new era for all three of them.

“Do you think…” He starts as they get to their car.

“Wanna drive, or want me to?” John asks, and Joe gives him the keys. He’s got used to driving on the ‘wrong’ side of the road, but old habits are hard to break, and he's a bit too upset to properly pay attention.

“What do I think?” John says, starting the engine and driving off.

“Do you think they are… Do you think Richie’s gonna be discriminated against because he has two dads?”

That’s a thing that has been bugging him for a while now. So far, Richie was mostly at home in their safe little nest, but kids are mean and the world is cruel…

John shakes his head, eyes fixed on the road. “No, I doubt it. We checked the kindergarten, read all the reviews, remember. There are many kids there, from mosaic families or raised by single parents, or even from parents in a homosexual relationship.”

Joe hums, watching the houses and people go by. “Probably there are not too many with a carrier dad.”

John smiles, momentarily reaching to Joe’s side to pat his hand. “I know it’s a pet peeve of yours, but… I know this and I asked the teacher. Susan. She has of course heard of us and she knows, and she looked me dead in the eyes and said… you know what she said?”

“Nope. I hope it was something nice.”

John smiles. “She said, she’s worked with kids coming from every possible environment, and it doesn’t really matter what his parents are as long as they love the child.”

Joe can breathe easier now. It's a little annoying that he needs outer reassurance this much, but he’s been facing discrimination, and he has every reason to feel anxious. He doesn't really mind, though, as long as it doesn't affect his son.

“Joe,” John says, his voice is cheerful and his tone is light, “I think we fit that criterium.”

“Kids can be evil, though,” Joe murmurs, already imagining how they will have to teach Richie how to fight back. He snorts at the thought of Richie punching some bully with his tiny fist.

“We can’t really save those experiences for him, though,” John says. “The best we can hope for is that he’ll be honest with us. And I think we’re doing great so far. He’s more than honest.”

Joe smiles, remembering a few embarrassing things Richie has told them - he really likes to discover his own body, one time even in front of them, much to the entertainment and horror of Joe, but John only laughed at that, and he had a conversation with their son that it’s okay to do these things, but only in private.

Joe presses a kiss on John's cheek. “You perfect Papa!” 

John blushes. Adorable.

“Oooh, you’re blushing!” Joe grins like he won the lottery. “Aww, it’s so cute, and we’re married!”

John laughs dismissively. “I can't help it, you’re too sweet!”

“_You _ are sweet! And smart, you think of everything!”

John smiles and squeezes Joe's hand on his thigh. “Don’t worry. Richie will be fine.”

Joe nods and reaches for the CD player, looking for an energetic song to cheer themselves up, putting on Don’t Bring Me Down by Electric Light Orchestra, and John joins him in singing, both of their voices super flat, but it doesn’t matter.

They arrive home, and Joe looks around in their house that suddenly seems too empty. He sighs. He really shouldn't be feeling like it’s the end of the world. 

John has started putting away the groceries, and Joe smiles as he’s watching him. It’s really so domestic. Suddenly he remembers that it’s only the two of them now, he remembers all the times when they were wishing for some privacy, and now’s the time.

He embraces John from behind, just breathing him in. How similar his scent is to their son's, and he wonders whether his own reminds John of their son as well. 

John puts his hand on his, leaning back against Joe’s body, and Joe’s rocking him gently.

How come he’s still so in love, almost as much as he was in the beginning? How is it even biologically possible?

His gene mate. His soulmate.

The most unexplainable form of love is theirs. 

“Joe.” John breathes his name, full of love, and Joe clings to him, not wanting to let go ever, planting small kisses on John's nape, and John sighs, melting in his arms.

Joe reaches under John’s chin to turn his head and lift his head, and their lips meet, softly and carefully, not wanting to break whatever spell that’s on them, kissing tenderly, and John turns to Joe, taking him is his arms and kissing him properly, and Joe opens his mouth, the kiss getting deeper, hungrier…

John’s skin is so wonderful. Joe slips his hands under the shirt, basking in the softness, tasting John’s lips and cheeks and neck, getting lost in their makeout, listening to John's quiet snuffles, and he presses his hard-on against John’s hip, his kisses getting heated…

“Hmm, Joe,'' John says, pulling away, but Joe is following him. 

_ Kiss me more, kiss me more… _

“Love, I… I don't feel like it right now,” John says quietly, still holding onto Joe, but his body’s a bit tense and his kisses are soft again. 

Joe presses one more kiss on his lips, sighing. 

“Okay.” He takes a deep breath, looking at John who smiles at him, stroking his cheek. “Are you sad about Richie?”

John smiles and nods, hugging him tight for a second, pressing his forehead against Joe’s. “Yes, it’s just, I don't know, I think it’s weird, you know… seeing yet another child of mine grow up, even though he was just born yesterday, it makes me feel, you know, makes me feel old…” 

He chuckles, but Joe can see the shining of his eyes, and he presses a kiss on his husband’s face.

“Hey, I know. It’s indeed like he was just born, isn’t it?”

His thoughts wander away, remembering when Richie was born. He seemed too small, he was indeed tinier than women’s babies are, even the smallest sized diaper was so huge on him, but he was such a foodie and he reached the average, female-born baby weight in just a few weeks. Joe smiles, and John smiles, too, probably having similar thoughts.

“Yes. I'm glad he’s not eighteen yet, we’ll rarely see him once he moves out…” John laughs, a bit bitter but resigned, accepting that this is how life is.

Joe smiles, letting him go with a kiss, getting himself a glass of water, arranging his dick in his jeans. Both of them are a bit gloomy, but he has an idea.

“What do you say,” he says as mysteriously as he can manage, putting down the glass and dancing around John who looks at him questioningly. “Would you like it if I took you on a _ date? _ A good, old fashioned date, just you and I? I don't think we had anything similar in the past half a year.”

John chuckles, nodding. “I think it’s rather been a year or so. It would be lovely.” He gently slaps Joe's butt.

Joe giggles, sinking down on one knee, making a very serious face.

“John Richard Deacon, father of my child,” he says, trying not to laugh, “can I ask you out for a romantic date with me?”

John’s eyes are gleaming, and he’s biting his lips to remain serious. “Joseph Francis Mazzello, I'd go with you to the moon and back.”

“I love when you say my full name,” Joe grins, kissing John's hand.

“I love your name, too.'' John grins. “Please, don’t ever take up mine.”

“Oh, but I’d love to, John,” Joe says, standing up, “but I need mine to use in my nonexistent career, after all, Mazzello is how I’ve always been known…”

John pulls him close by the waist, putting a finger on Joe’s mouth who playfully sucks on it, and they both chuckle. “It will exist again soon, I promise. And I can take up your name if you want…”

”Oh my god, John, please don’t do that to us!” Joe laughs dismissively, putting on his shoes and grabbing the car keys. “That’s way too heterosexual.”

“Ooh, you're right, let's not do anything heterosexual!" John giggles. "Now, let’s go and forget about our pains.”

“That’s the spirit!” 

“Where exactly are we going?” John asks, grabbing their jackets as Joe pulls him through the door.

“We’re gonna improvise, that always works!”

“It does,” John agrees. “Good thing that I improvised going to that reception where I met you.”

“I improvised that, too,” Joe admits, and they both grin at each other, kissing before heading to the car once again.

They’re going on a date. Household chores can wait.

  
  



	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A happy child makes happy parents, who are more than eager to discover each other again, in every way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got horny, so they got horny. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Very pwp-ish feat. some family fluff.

Joe watches John grinning, movements whooshing in the air, hands grabbing elbows, forearms clashing, hands fending off strikes.

John's so masculine. His hair is white and his skin is not as smooth and tight as it used to be when he was a rock star, but Joe would die for him.

The shine in John's eyes hasn't been there for a while now, they haven't fought in the gym ever since Joe was conceived with Richie, but boy, did they both miss it.

“Is that all you can do?” Joe asks teasingly, trying to hit John but he ducks, and they are both panting, trying to hit a blow, and then John sneaks behind him and grabs him and pulls him to the ground with him, and Joe finds himself on his back, John grinning down at him.

Joe smiles, blinking as John’s sweat drops in his eyes, wiping it down. “Sorry,” John murmurs, panting, looking down at Joe with satisfaction. He defeated his young husband. He’s strong.

Joe is so proud of him. He’s high on adrenaline and on spending time with John, just the two of them, like in the old times.

John is sweating, and Joe has hardly seen him this hot before. He always thinks his husband can't get any hotter than he is, but he always manages to surprise him. John's forehead is beading with sweat, his t-shirt is soaked, his hair is dripping, and Joe can't resist him.

They keep staring in each other’s eyes, but then John blinks, lifting his hand to look at his watch.

“Oh my god, we gotta pick up Richie!”

Is it that late already? Oh, how time flies.

“We still have time for a shower, do we?” Joe asks, winking at John, and John looks at him unbelievingly, but he grins at the end.

“Yes, but a very quick shower it is, then,” he says, and Joe grins because he’s such a dad, sometimes even to him.

Joe pulls John into the shower – hopefully no one will come in – letting out the hot water until the stream covers everything. Joe turns back to see John naked behind him, his chest hair messy with sweat, and Joe's eyes flick to his dick, already half-hard. Joe stares at it, wondering how it can be so fucking big already, and his mind is getting foggy. He grins, gesturing John closer with his fingers, and John steps to him, pressing him against the still-cold tiles, but his body is hot, hot and naked and all Joe’s to enjoy. 

John fiddles with the soap dispenser, warming up a huge amount in his hand before spreading it all over Joe’s body. Joe closes his eyes as he lifts his arms for John to rub his armpits and shoulders and back and waist and ass, and Joe hears him chuckling as his fingers sink into Joe’s buttocks, a sneaky fingertip brushing against his hole but then it withdraws, and Joe groans at the naughty tease.

He opens his eyes to watch John's face, serious and horny, and Joe takes some soap and foams him up as well, his back and butt, he rubs his front against him, their hard, slippery cocks sliding against each other’s, and they both moan as their lips meet, wetly licking. John's large hand wraps around their cocks and Joe also reaches down, holding onto John with his other hand to massage their balls, and John moans into their kiss, trying to make as little sound as possible. Adorable. Sweet, shy John, becoming so naughty under Joe’s influence. More open to public sex. More open to kinky ideas. Not ashamed to show their relationship to the world–

Joe moans, already feeling his orgasm building at the base of his spine and in his ass and balls, he lifts a leg to wrap it around John, almost as if wanting to pull him into himself, his thighs are trembling violently, and John slips his free hand under Joe’s ass, supporting his weight.

“John, my love,” Joe whispers, and John squeezes his eyes shut and moans and there’s hot spurt on Joe’s stomach and chest, a hot dick twitching against Joe’s own, and Joe watches his face, mesmerized, watches as John tries to open his eyes so they can see each other, and Joe wraps his hand around John’s, squeezing them closer together and he comes, too, lust burning in his groin and his hole, clenching around the emptiness he feels, longing for John’s dick inside of him but this is so perfect as well.

They’re panting against each other’s lips, foreheads pressed together, and they both chuckle before quickly rinsing themselves, washing down the cum and the soap, and they dry each other with a towel, quickly before anyone comes in, and Joe feels weird, but he doesn't think of it because it’s their kid’s first day at preschool and they have to pick him up.

John playfully spanks Joe’s butt with the towel and Joe yelps, already in one sock and he chases John around a tiny bit in the bathroom, reaching him and kissing him, but then they really have to go, and he momentarily forgets about the wetness pooling inside of him.

“–And then we built a house with Timmy and Mickey, and Miss Rita told me I can draw whatever I want, I can even draw green sky and purple lakes, and then we went out to the courtyard and sang about Old Macdonald and then–”

Richie is tittering loudly on the back seat, gesturing wildly like Joe does when he’s explaining something, and John and Joe both chuckle at him, barely having time to ask questions because the kid talks so much. Joe loves to hear his son talking. He's usually shy, but he can open up when he meets the right people, and apparently, he's already found his own little squad.

Richie titters about his new pals and it seems like he’s developing a crush on Miss Rita. Joe wonders whether Richie is missing a mother figure in his life. He’s going to ask John later, but he already knows what he’s going to say. Richie’s probably fine. He's got an unusual family, that’s true, but he’s fine. Joe really has to work on his own irrational worries.

They arrive home, and Richie runs into the kitchen, putting his newest drawing on the fridge with a magnet next to his older drawings, and he takes down one of them to make room for the new one.

“Want me to keep this for you?” John asks when Richie throws the old drawing to the floor.

“No, I will make better ones!”

John smiles as he takes the paper and puts it into a box with all of Richie’s older creations.

“What do you think, Richie,” Joe asks, ruffling his son’s bright red hair, “should we order a pizza to celebrate your first day?”

Richie screams enthusiastically, and John shakes his head.

“Don’t make him think every kindergarten day is pizza day,” John whispers to Joe, but Joe gently smacks his head.

“I need the pizza more than he does,” he whispers back with the phone next to his ear, and John scoffs.

Joe spends the afternoon watching his husband play with their son, building buildings from blocks. They are both so beautiful. They are both so perfect. He grins dizzily, watching his husband’s broad shoulders, and John glares at him occasionally, his adorable crow’s feet appearing around his eyes as he’s smiling, and there’s the little tooth gap that Richie’s inherited and that Joe loves so much.

Damn, he’s so in love it’s not even funny.

He thinks back of today’s fight, how John's muscles were tensing. How perfect his body is for his age. His body hair, his wheezing, his victorious grin when he managed to pin Joe down.

He feels weird. He knows this weirdness. He’s only experienced it two times but it’s already getting familiar, and he suddenly realizes it’s there, and he takes a deep, stunned breath.

His groin is burning as he’s watching John, and John grins at him again when Richie says something silly, but his eyes are widening as he sees Joe’s expression, immediately knowing what’s happening, his nostrils trembling as if trying to smell Joe from a distance.

It’s happening again. Oh god.

Joe takes a deep breath, but then it suddenly strikes that Richie has asked something, because John is blinking rapidly and his son is looking at him intently.

“Dada?”

“Hm, what was it, son?” Joe asks, shaking his head.

“It is true that babies are made by the parents and not brought by the stork?”

John covers his mouth with his hand as he’s snickering, and Joe turns bright red. Damn, he wasn’t prepared to have this conversation right here and right now. He briefly wonders how come his son's grammar is so perfect already. Must be all that text memorizing and character style that Joe loudly practices for his nonexistent roles.

“Um… um, who told you that?” He asks, trying to gain some time, and John is laughing in the background while Richie's looking at Joe with huge, questioning eyes.

“Timmy told me that the babies grow in the mommy's tummy. How do they get there?”

Joe laughs, imagining Richie’s confusion, and he sits down next to his lovelies, reaching out for his son, and Richie sits in his lap, still looking at him questioningly.

He looks so much like John when he’s trying to solve an engineering task that he has to hold him close.

“Dada?”

“Um, yes, it's true,'' Joe says carefully, looking at John for help but he just shakes his head. He’s not making it any easier for him, and Joe sticks his tongue at him. ”You know, the babies are growing in the mommy’s tummy, well, sometimes in the daddy’s. They get there when they are really, really small, and come out a few months later when they are grown enough to be ready for the world.”

“How do they get there?” Richie asks, his brows furrowed as he's processing the information, and Joe snickers.

“Their papa puts them there,” John says, having mercy on Joe, and Richie turns towards him now. “The parents have a big, special hug, that’s how the little seed gets in the mommy, and that little seed grows up to be the baby later. You know, as the flower seed is growing in the ground in the beginning, the baby is growing inside the mommy.”

“Oh. And where did I grow?” Richie asks, looking from John to Joe. Joe laughs, holding him close, pressing a kiss on his forehead. “In you, Dada?”

“Yes, you grew in me,” he says, “don’t you remember?”

Richie furrows his brows even more, trying to put things together.

“But… you’re not a mommy,” he says, blinking, and John strokes his head.

“Some daddies can grow babies in their bellies, too, you know,” John says, and Richie nods seriously. “Your Dada is one of those daddies. He grew you in himself, you know, and he did a very, very good job.”

Joe smiles at him gratefully, and Richie nods again.

“I think I remember,” he says, and his parents look at him. “I think I remember you talking to me when I was in there.” He carefully strokes Joe's belly, and Joe smiles at him.

“Really? What else do you remember?”

“Not much,” Richie says, thinking. “Sometimes Papa’s voice, and yours, Dada. I think it was nice being in there.”

John presses a kiss on Joe’s lips before Richie can protest, but he’s apparently too lost in thoughts to grimace at it as he usually does.

“Can you grow babies, Papa?”

Joe chuckles, and John shakes his head, smiling. “No, unfortunately, I can’t. Most men cannot do it.”

“Then Dada’s special,” Richie says, laying back against Joe’s chest, and Joe’s heart flutters.

“Yes, he’s very special,” John smiles tenderly at Joe, and Joe feels tears in his eyes. Damn, they are both adorable.

“Can I grow a baby in me when I'm older?” Richie asks then, and Joe and John look at each other.

They actually don't know this. They never got Richie checked whether he’s a carrier or not. They planned to do it, but not until he’s older.

“Uhm…” John starts, and Richie looks at him. “We don’t know. It’s not easy to tell. But we can find it out for you later, if you’re interested.”

“Sure,” Richie says, apparently having had enough of the topic because he already crawls over to his toys, but he’s yawning big yawns.

“You know you can always ask us about anything,” Joe says, reaching out and petting his back, and Richie smiles and nods. “But now, it’s nap time, tiny one. You had a lot happening to you today.”

“Nooo,” Richie mewls, but he’s rubbing his eyes, so Joe picks him up.

“Come on, honey, let’s have a nap.”

John follows them, making the bed for Richie and closing the curtains as Joe lays their son down, and their boy is already fast asleep, sucking on his thumb.

Joe grins at John as they sneak out, quietly closing the door behind them.

As soon as the door is closed, John is already throwing himself at him, so hard that Joe’s back is making a thud on the wall, and John’s tongue is deep within his mouth, John’s hands are under his shirt, crawling his skin, grabbing handfuls of his flesh, and Joe reciprocates dizzily.

“Joe, my love, fucking hell, do you know how crazy your smell makes me go?'' John moans in his ear, picking him up and carrying him to their bed like his weight was nothing, and Joe clings to him, his whole body already ready for John again, wet and open, moaning "yes, yes" in his ears.

Suppressing this basic, carnal lust for hours is not easy. It breaks out of him uncontrolled, he’s grateful for John to have the right mind as he puts on some music to cover their voices and locks the door by the time Joe sits up on the bed.

“I’m yours,” Joe’s panting, his hand fumbling with the button of his jeans, “I’m yours, do whatever you want to me,” and John kneels over him and kisses him with lots of tongue before turning him around, pressing him into the mattress and lifting up his hips until Joe’s on his knees, and John yanks Joe’s jeans off, together with his boxers to bare his ass.

“You fucking bet you’re mine,” John growls like an animal, and he buries his face in Joe’s open, dripping ass, plunging his tongue in, deep into his awaiting vagina, tasting his sourness before licking a long, wet stripe along his whole crack, then back down to his balls, pulling back Joe’s cock so he can suck it, his cock that’s so hard it might explode.

John sucks him and fingers him and moans against his skin, and Joe just buries his face in the sheets, grabbing them, pressing himself against John's face. He's given up control. He's given it over to John to do anything he wants. To fuck him. To breed him…

“Fuck me, I’m begging you, fuck me,” he hears his own whimpering voice, and John fumbles with his belt, he doesn’t even mind properly stripping themselves. John’s hands grab his hips, he rubs his cockhead against Joe’s entrance and it's pure torment, and Joe grinds his teeth with something more than lust, something maddening and primal, growling helplessly because John’s hands are holding his hips in an iron grip, but then John’s dick finally plunges into him, so unbelievably thick and hard like a hot iron rod inside of him, and Joe bites on a pillow to mute his pleasured scream, and he feels himself surrounding John, stretching around him to accommodate to his girth. 

He was made for this. He was made for John.

John's hand is tangled in Joe’s t-shirt, yanking him backward, yanking him onto his cock, grunting into his ear, biting his nape.

“Oh- bloody hell, it feels so fantastic to fuck you, love,” John grunts as low as he can, his voice deepened, grumbling in Joe’s ears, and Joe is reduced to a wordless, moaning mess, pushing his ass out for John to use as he wants. He reaches back, grabbing John’s nape, trying to pull him even deeper, listening to his dirty talk, “god, I never want to be anywhere else again– fuck, I want to be buried inside of your amazing arse forever– inside of your hot, wet, tight cunt–”

Joe moans, he’s not ashamed of his body parts anymore, no. This is him, all of this is him, and John loves him, every inch, every part of him, the way he is, and he’s so in love with John that he’s balancing on the verge of madness.

He can’t speak. He can only whimper, and his whole reality is now the two of them, John’s voice in his ear, the swipe of his wet tongue on his neck, his arms under his shirt, grabbing him, rubbing Joe’s nipples, his groin pressed against Joe’s ass, and his dick buried balls deep within him, stretching him, filling him, his pussy dripping, making wet, smacking sounds as John moves inside of him, pulling out just a few inches before shoving it back, John’s voice in his ears, “Joe– love– want you– need you– fuck, I love you– need you to come for me– come for me, my love, fucking milk my cock–”

Joe groans as John moves, angling his hips so he can stroke his g-spot, and Joe's pushing back against his thrusts, so deep that John’s cockhead is pressed against his cervix, and then the pleasure burns suddenly and he comes, he comes around John’s cock like a woman would come, and he yelps and cries out into the pillow, his muscles contracting and undulating around John, John’s body heat covering him, his cock twitching violently between his thighs but not spurting, not yet, he’s having a woman’s orgasm, deep like an earthquake, and John’s panting in his ears, “yes, love, come, love, come for me, come,” he keeps repeating it, and John doesn’t come, not yet, he wants to pleasure Joe as many times as possible.

But Joe wants his seed already. He wants him to fill him up, he wants him to come inside him, he wants to make a baby so badly. He wants to make him come.

John is wrapped around him, moving with tiny, small movements in him, careful not to come yet, but Joe wiggles his way out from under him, the emptiness almost hurts, but his cock is so hard it’s dark purple and ready to burst, and they both need to ejaculate soon or else they will both die of the heat.

“Lay down, love,” he commands, and John obeys, staring at him mesmerized as Joe’s juices are flowing between his buttocks, down his thighs, and Joe collects some with a finger, licking it off, collecting some more and offering it to John. “Taste my cum, you made me come so hard, you made me your woman and I love it,” he rasps, not aware of what he’s saying anymore, and John sucks on his finger lewdly, his tongue dancing around it as Joe sinks down onto his dick, and John grabs his wrist as he moans, and Joe’s fucking his mouth with his fingers, and John obediently sucks on them.

John’s so perfect. Under the fog of copulating madness, Joe wonders how much love his heart can take. What a perfect man. An alpha male when Joe needs it, and a submissive, obedient partner in the next second, he always knows what Joe needs, and he always knows what John needs.

He rides him hard, his thighs tensing, watching the millions of emotions on John's perfect face. He lies on top of him, kissing him deeply, pressing back the maddening lust for a second to moan to him, he doesn’t know what, something about his endless love, and John smiles for a second, “I love you too, Joe– so much I can hardly stand it,” and Joe moans, high on pleasure and adoration, twining their fingers.

“Come for me again, love,” John whispers then, grabbing Joe’s hip and guiding him up and down, angling his hips so he can stroke him on the inside, right there, just right there, and Joe yelps, there’s that spot, what very sensitive spot, and John’s cock is swelling, and Joe feels it, he’s stretched so full and there are John’s moans in his ears and John’s hand on his dripping, purple, neglected cock, and their violent panting, and Joe squeezes his eyes shut as he rides hard.

His orgasm starts deep inside of him, just where John’s dick is, rubbing against his walls and spurting and coating him, and Joe clenches with pleasure, the waves rippling through his muscles through his balls to his cock, and there’s another wave, more familiar than the first one under John’s stroking hand, and there’s a third wave, different because it’s not his, it’s John’s pleasure, he feels it in himself, he feels it in the twitching and John’s deep, growling moan that Joe swallows with a kiss, and his walls are tightening and his cock is spurting long, white ropes between them, and he feels John fucking up into him, flooding him, mixing with Joe's juices, and Joe’s body takes it all, he takes it all into himself.

He thinks he blacks out, they probably both do because he finds himself panting on John's chest, feeling his breathing under his own body, messy and sweaty and smelling of cum and lovemaking, and John’s arms are around him, and he feels so peaceful, so very content.

He falls asleep for a few minutes. Richie will wake them up soon anyway.

With his last thought, he wonders whether they have made a baby again.

But it’s okay if they didn’t. It’s okay.

He has everything he needs.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Better keep trying and trying and trying...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They will get there soon(ish), I promise!

Joe is on his knees, pounding hard into John’s body, grinding his teeth as his fingertips are digging into John’s hips, watching his cock disappearing inside of John’s wonderful ass. He’s watching John’s back underneath, sweating, trembling, his grey hair glistening in the light, he sounds of his quiet begging for more is like music to Joe’s ears.

He’s panting, lost in his rapture, his hormone levels skyrocketing, his male side aching to be satisfied, to make John his, to mark the father of his child, he wants the whole world to see even though everybody already knows. The father of his child, the seeder of his future children.

Joe groans, reaching down and pressing his thumb against John’s opening, seeing his cock sliding in and out of that tight hole, that tight, pink hole, and Joe watches his thumb drawing circles around it, and John moans from the pit of his stomach, pushing back against him. Joe growls back, grabbing those fleshy hips and smacking his groin against John’s ass, the source of unimaginable pleasure, John's moans are vibrating through his body and Joe feels them in his cock, feels them around himself, and there’s the heat, stinging and burning, his balls slapping against John's.

“Fuck, John, fuck–” he finds his voice, raspy and deep, breaking out of him in a breathless growl, “I can’t take it anymore– I’m gonna fucking explode–”

John groans, his hand violently moving between his legs as he’s jerking off, and Joe’s watching his own fingers leaving marks on John’s hips, his mouth is hanging open around panting breaths, and here it comes, right there, the heat spreading in his loins, he pulls John to himself, spilling his seed inside of his lovely husband with an enormous grunt, he can’t seem to ever get tired of this, they’ve come what feels like twenty times already but it’s never enough…

John is moaning, slowing down his hand as Joe gently pulls out, watching his cum flowing out of John’s ass in thick streams, amazed at the sight. He lifts his thumb and spoons some back into John’s pretty hole, and he can’t resist, he leans down to lick it clean, and John lets out a shout, reaching again between his thighs, but Joe grabs his hand.

“I need your cum, love, don’t spill it,” he whispers before lapping up all of his own cum, tasting John and himself, breathing in their scent and moaning, and John whimpers, obediently putting his hands back on the bed.

“Good boy,” Joe purrs, and John half snorts, half chuckles in answer, turning onto his back, towards Joe, and he’s so pretty with his face flushed and his hair disheveled and looking fucked out that Joe doesn’t know if he wants to fuck him senseless again or kiss him into the next year. John reaches his hands out inviting Joe closer, smiling sweetly. Irresistible.

Joe falls on top of John with a deep sigh, chuckling as John’s massive dick pokes his tummy, and he kisses his husband briefly.

“You’re such an amazing shag,” he whispers into John's ear, who playfully smacks his butt, grabbing Joe's face and kissing him deeply, properly.

“Better do something about my boner, you sex machine,” John whispers, and Joe wiggles his eyebrows.

It's been years, they have made love and had rough quick fucks and slow lazy makeout sessions and anything imaginable so many times, but they still can’t have enough.

It’s been two days again, as the previous two times, which is a very long time. Ben once had to come for their kid to take him to kindergarten, smiling embarrassedly when John kissed him on the face and Joe also kissed him, almost on the lips, but he caught himself just in time - he was so grateful for Ben that it almost slipped to the wrong place. They still have a few hours until Ben brings Richie back.

Ben is such an amazing person. A beautiful soul, a loving friend.

But Joe doesn’t think of Ben anymore, not when his husband is smiling at him, teasing him with his lips and fingers that he likes to do so much. 

“Want to fuck me now, handsome?” Joe purrs, rolling onto his back and pulling John with him, and John smiles, crawling between Joe's legs, linking his arms under Joe's knees, pushing his legs up.

Joe's still wet and ready, even though his heat is receding now. John kisses him, his tongue is soft and his lips are swollen and his cock makes Joe feel like nothing in this life, ever, and John slides into him, slides into his wet tight heat, and Joe throws his head back and lets out a deep, elongated moan.

“John, John,” he whimpers, wrapping his legs and arms around John, pulling him into himself even deeper, and John smiles at him, leaning on his elbows and stroking Joe's face.

“Beautiful,” he whispers, it feels like the aftermath of a high, coming down slowly but still tripping, riding the slowly fading waves, and Joe’s staring into John's eyes, lifting his head so he can kiss the wrinkles in the corner of his eyes. He’s so wonderful. They both chuckle softly in the light of the day, and John is moving slowly inside of Joe, with slow, tiny movements, it’s relaxed and tender and loving, and Joe wants to get lost in him.

John is sweaty and heavy and warm, his lips are locking with Joe’s, whispering between kisses how soft and warm it feels, his hands rubbing Joe’s nipples, running along his sides… Joe pulls him close as much as he can, gently undulating his hips against John’s, moaning into his mouth as John can’t take it anymore and finally comes, and Joe feels himself clenching around him, John’s seed flooding him and the shadows of an orgasm rippling through his exhausted body, feeling connected to John the way he was never connected to anyone before...

They lock together for a long time, just kissing and breathing each other in, and they stay joined for a while, caressing each other’s faces and lips, and it’s all right in the world, everything is all right.

Days pass, and Joe tries not to think of it. 

He tries not to listen to his body’s every little signal, tries not to overreact them. He tries not to imagine things that are not there, he tries to go on with his life normally, but Richie is mostly at school and he still has no job and his old friends are all on another continent and Ben is super busy with his children and John has picked up his bass again, and Joe joins him in jamming sometimes, and goes hiking with Ben and his kids and has drinks with Emma and they take long family walks, but--

But.

There’s always that ‘but’, and Joe tries not to put his hand on his tummy all the time, wanting something to be inside of him, something he so desperately yearns for.

Something that’s…

That’s not there.

He’s not surprised by the next negative test. He doesn’t even flinch, he just stares at the single line before throwing the test into the bin. John opens his mouth to ask him when he comes out but immediately closes it too, reading Joe’s expression, and John opens his arms to hold him, but Joe shakes his head, picking up his car keys.

John would say it’s okay. He would say he’s happy with what they have. Joe knows what he would say, and he doesn't want to hear that at all again.

“I’m picking up Richie,” he says, needing to clean his mind with fresh air.

Maybe it’s better to just accept it. To accept that he’s become infertile, that he will never get pregnant again, accept it and move on.

Richie of course feels that there’s something wrong. He must have been feeling off for a while, he throws tantrums nowadays when Joe is not paying enough attention to him, or screams when John tries to entertain him and read him a bedtime story, always wanting to hang off Joe's neck, crying when Joe takes him to kindergarten and leaves him there, he’s throwing his toys around and Joe can swear he’s intentionally testing the waters how far he can go just to see if Joe forgives him.

“You’re not paying enough attention to him,” John says one day when Joe has been trying to make Richie take a nap, and John had to intervene when Richie kept refusing and Joe started to raise his voice. Their boy has been sniffing and wiping his eyes with the back of his hands, and John looked at Joe scoldingly before taking their son in his arms and putting him to bed, staying with him until he fell asleep.

“What do you mean?” Joe can’t believe what he’s hearing. “It’s me who always picks him up from school and draws all the fucking dinosaurs and makes him his sandwiches--”

John sighs, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

“I didn't mean it like that,” he says soothingly, putting his hand on Joe’s shoulder. “He just feels that your mind is elsewhere.”

“I’m trying so hard to be a good father,” Joe scoffs, “forgive me for not being able to give a hundred and twenty percent all the time…”

“Joe,” John says, pulling Joe into his embrace no matter how much he objects. He doesn't want to be held right now, but John's arms are strong and he smells so nice, and Joe calms down a bit. “I know you’re upset and disappointed, but please, calm down. Richie provokes you because he wants your attention, and he wants to know if you love him no matter what he does.”

“I don't know what else to do,” Joe hums. “Maybe he needs to learn that his parents can be upset too and life is not always sunshine and roses.”

“He knows that, but he’s in a very sensitive phase,” John coos, patting Joe’s back. Thank god for John’s child-raising routine. “Just be patient with him and he will settle down eventually.”

Joe sighs. Maybe he’ll talk to Richie honestly about what he’s going through.

“Is it okay if I talk to him about all this?” He asks John, looking into his pretty grey eyes. “That no matter what, I’ll love him forever?”

John strokes his temple, pressing a soft kiss on Joe’s forehead, and Joe kisses him on the lips.

“Yes, talk to him. He’ll understand.”

“... and then he asked, ‘do you practice that special hug with Papa?’”

Ben laughs in his deep voice when Joe tells him later about his conversation with Richie, both of them happy to finally be able to drink and relax a bit with a few beers.

“I like the way you had  _ the talk  _ with him,” Ben giggles. “Chris had been told about the topic by his peers in kindergarten - you can imagine the accuracy, so Carrie and I spent more time answering his questions than we would have spent if we just talked to him earlier. But I gave a book to Layla when she was older, talking it through with her. I have to admit your version might have been less traumatizing.”

“I don't think kids think that much about it in detail, not until they are older at least,” Joe grins, lifting his jug and gulping up half of his beer. Delicious. 

It feels so good to do stereotypical manly things again. He misses talking about guy’s butts and girl’s boobs, and goddamn, he misses baseball so frigging much. And they  _ are  _ aging fast, aren't they? One blink and they are going bald and making dad jokes while grilling sausages.

“And, are you sure you’re doing that special hug right?” Ben pokes him in the shoulder, and Joe laughs, but there’s also a sting of pain in his chest. Ben must see his expression because he becomes more serious.

“I’m sure there's nothing wrong with the hug itself,” Joe says sadly. “Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I have a secondary infertility.”

Ben shakes his head. “It’s more common than you think. I've been lurking around on some forums and nearly every carrier complains about it. We’re men, after all, maybe conception is not that easy for us as they make it seem, all sunshine and roses.”

Joe shrugs, and they stare a bit into their beers.

“How did John react?” Ben asks finally.

Joe scoffs.

“How he always does. He said that it’s okay, we have everything we need… But no, he doesn't really understand this, this... yearning. He’s not a carrier, how could he understand?”

Ben hums, and Joe rolls his eyes.

“What?

“Nothing. I don't know this feeling because we have succeeded on the first try, but I can imagine how draining it is. What did the doctor say?”

Joe shrugs. “That we should keep trying for a few more ovulations. As if it happens that often... Maybe…”

He lost in thought, even as Ben orders two more beers.

“...Maybe he's not my gene mate anymore.”

Ben blinks at him like he’s just grown two heads, shaking his head.

“Joe, you know it doesn't work like that. There can be anything behind it. Maybe you’re not healed yet, maybe you just need to wait a bit more, maybe John’s getting a bit old, maybe you’re too focused on it, I heard that conception usually happens when you let it go…”

Joe stares and nods, picking at the foam of his beer, thinking.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he says in the end. “It can be anything. I’ll give it one more try and see what happens.”

“Maybe you both can go to your doctor then,” Ben says, putting his hand on Joe’s for a second, and Joe grins. Ben might look rough but he’s a big softie deep inside.

Joe shakes his head. Time to switch topics.

“So, when are you going to introduce me to this colleague of yours you've been tagging on your Insta?” Joe asks, trying to switch topics, trying not to think of babies anymore. “Pretty lil redhead, you can’t choose badly with them, hehe! What was her name again?” 

Ben turns bright red, and Joe grins. He’d be more than happy to know that Ben’s is in good hands, hopefully someone’s hands who's not a major asshole. Ben is adorable as he’s talking about this girl called Daisy, who, according to Ben, has the same kind of sometimes dry humor as Joe and she likes to make fun of herself to entertain others. Joe’s watching him talking about her and their upcoming movie, and he’s crossing his fingers under the table for her to be the One for Ben.

But then there’s a family sitting down to the table next to them, and Joe’s eyes stop at the beautiful baby, with huge grey eyes and blonde hair. The little kid (Joe thinks it’s a girl) is cooing and babbling and giggling as her dad gives her a dandelion, and the dad blows on it and the little girl breaks out in laughter, and Joe’s watching the two of them as the dad blows on the stem of the flower again and the baby’s squealing laughter rides higher up, and the mom is laughing too as she’s taking a video of them, and Joe’s heart beats faster and faster--

“Man, you’ve got a bad case of baby rabies, don’t you?”

Joe is dragged out if his peeping by Ben, who’s looking at him slightly entertained but also sort of pitying, and suddenly Joe gets frustrated, because he’s doing nothing wrong and yet--

“Chill, mate,” Ben says, putting his hand on Joe’s again, and this time leaving it there. “You gotta be patient. Sometimes it--”

“I know. Sorry.” Joe stubbornly keeps staring at the table and their hands, willing his heartbeat to slow down. “I wanna go out clubbing tonight. Wanna come?”

He doesn’t look up because he doesn't want to see the pity in Ben’s eyes. 

“I want to. But do you really want to club and drink away your problems?” Ben says softly, and Joe looks up, seeing not pity, but empathy in his friend’s eyes. He doesn't know which is worse. Ben has everything, job, kids…

But he’s alone, comes his next thought, and he’s suddenly ashamed at his own ungratefulness.

“You’re right,” he says in the end, and Ben takes his hand off his, but not before encouragingly caressing it once with his thumb. “I gotta chill.”

“You’ll be fine,” Ben says, and Joe suddenly feels very selfish. “You’re always fine in the end.”

“Thanks.” There’s a pause, and Joe tries not to look in the direction of the still giggling baby. “I’m sure you'll be fine too.”

Ben smiles at him a bit sadly before leaning back in his chair, and they’re observing the little family together.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe and John try out a silly little roleplay.

Ben always makes him feel better. 

Joe is whistling as he gets out of the cab, pressing a kiss on Ben’s face who waves him goodbye before leaving with the cab, heading home to his children. 

Joe’s still whistling as he’s entering their house. He and John will have some alone time together – Richie is at Ronnie’s place for a few more hours. John has stayed on good terms with his ex-wife, and Joe is happy about it because it means neither of them hold grudges against each other, and the half-siblings can meet without any hard feelings. He smiles. John is such a caring soul, trying to remain friends with his ex, even though he can be quite stubborn and wayward sometimes.

Joe grins to himself. He loves John so much, and he plans to sneak up to him and cover his eyes and ask him “guess who?”

He sneaks towards their bedroom where he hears John giggling – maybe he’s reading something funny? John is talking to himself quietly, his voice sounding very amused, and Joe peeks through the half-open door, seeing John standing in front of the mirror.

John turns to observe himself from the sides, and Joe suddenly feels his blood boiling in his veins, and he gets such a massive boner that he almost trips over.

Because John has a pillow stuffed under his t-shirt, and he’s giggling to himself, patting his pillow-tummy and wigging it, apparently finding the sight very amusing. “So this is how I'd look,” he chuckles, and Joe’s face is flushing scarlet and his mouth is watering as John changes his voice. “You’re not so little anymore, are you, little one? Dada will be so proud of you!”

John laughs at himself, gently caressing the pillow, and Joe’s heart aches and his mouth drools and his cock throbs as he’s watching John posing in front of the mirror, talking to his and Joe’s imaginary baby, and Joe has tears in his eyes and he loves his silly husband so much he almost forgets to breathe.

He knocks and opens the door, slowly enough for John to notice him but not to get scared, but John still jumps and looks at him, turning as red as a beetroot, and after a second of awkward staring, he fiddles under his shirt to pull out the pillow.

“It’s–it’s…” he babbles, “it’s, uh, I was just–”

Joe strides to him with two long steps, wrapping an arm around him and holding his wrist in place over the pillow. He stares into John’s face, reading it, reading the embarrassment, the shame, and also the love there, because John wants to make Joe’s deepest wishes come true, he would get pregnant for him if he was able to… He’s so magnificent, Joe thinks as he grabs John's nape and passionately kisses him, feeling his husband’s lips opening under the pressure of his tongue, savoring the warmth and wetness of his mouth, and John moans, kissing him back, embracing him back.

Joe's hands wander to the pillow, gently stroking it in circles, and John lets out a sound of embarrassment into his mouth, but Joe lets his lips go with a little peck.

“It’s okay, darling,” he murmurs, and John’s redness recedes a little. “Don’t be ashamed. You’re so incredibly sexy like this. Wanna feel how much?”

Joe takes John’s hand and puts it on his throbbing dick, and John reflexively squeezes it. He still stares at Joe’s face, slowly accepting that Joe does not find this little game gross, his tension dissolving, and Joe feels John’s hardening dick against his thigh.

“My beautiful baby daddy,” he purrs into John's ear, kissing him again, and John moans, rubbing Joe through his trousers.

“Do you like it?” John whispers hoarsely, still a bit red but Joe presses a kiss on his cheek.

“You look so sexy,” he says again, looking down and admiring the pillow-tummy, not like a real pregnant belly at all but he doesn't mind, he still adores the sight. “I'm so proud of you, and… and our baby.”

He grins at John, and John slowly grins back after a second of confusion, and he reaches up and cups Joe's face.

“Do you like what you did to me?” he whispers, looking terribly embarrassed again but smiling shyly. “Do you like me,” he swallows,” carrying your child? Yours, and nobody else’s–”

Joe’s heart bursts with love for this man, and kisses him again deeply, stroking his flushed cheek with the back of his fingers.

“You’re so strong and perfect, so fertile and ripe,” Joe whispers, playfully nibbling John's ear, enjoying their silly little roleplay. He slips his hands under John's shirt on his back, feeling his hot skin, the soft texture under his fingertips. ”And pregnancy suits you, love,” he giggles, and John chuckles back, making his pillow-tummy bounce a bit. ”You look so, so beautiful, so full of life…“

Joe kisses John hungrily and pulls him close, pressing his hard, aching cock against John’s, and John giggles, putting Joe's hand on the pillow and squeezing it.

“Look how big our baby is already,” he chuckles, still red on the ears but he’s so adorable that Joe kisses his face all over.

“I can't believe how hot you are,” he whispers, falling onto his knees and making a quick work of the strings of John’s waistband, reaching up and kneading the pillow-tummy, and for a moment he can believe that this is real, that John is carrying his child, and he gasps as John’s dick springs free, and he opens his mouth to take it all in.

John moans, holding onto his shoulder, his embarrassment disappearing as Joe is working his tongue all over his shaft, and Joe grabs his ass and pulls him in even deeper in his throat.

“Joe, god, I—” John moans, and Joe smirks to himself, his head bumping against the pillow and they both giggle, and he looks up at John who’s trying to look down at Joe's face over his fake tummy. His face is red again, this time from lust, and he’s so adorable. 

John would make a perfect carrier. He’s gentle, calm, patient and tender…

It’s really not fair that he isn’t one.

He would make such a pretty pregnant man, and Joe’s cock twitches at the thought, and he moans, his hand slipping between his thighs to palm his crotch, smiling at John's dick, burying his face in his pubic hair and gently tugging on it with his lips.

He would smell even more delicious like that, full of Joe’s baby…

“Wanna keep playing?” he asks, kissing the exposed skin as he's tugging down the pants on John's thick, strong thighs, and John giggles, whispering ‘yes’, and Joe kneels up, burying his face in John's fake tummy, holding him close.

He would be like this, just like this, carrying Joe's child, his tummy big and round and full, maybe his hips would become wider and his cock would grow even thicker…

“You beautiful, sexy thing,” Joe whispers, standing up and grabbing John as hard as he can, imagining that it’s his pregnant tummy he feels against his own and the thought makes him go mad, makes his dick throb. ”You’re mine, you’re not allowed to be looked at by anyone, because everyone would want to steal you from me…”

John moans, taking Joe’s dick out and rubbing it against his, and Joe grunts, it’s so hard and warm and silky. “I’m yours,” John whispers, squeezing his eyes shut, ”you made me pregnant and I'm all yours now, I'm all yours for the world to see…“

Joe groans from the pit of his stomach, grabbing John and lifting him and carrying him to the bed, kneeling between his legs so he can yank off his pants, and John spreads for him on the bed, stretching and giggling, his tummy bouncing a bit and he reaches down to caress it, and Joe’s watching him, his loins are on fire and John looks so fucking sinful like this…

“Come, on, baby daddy,” John giggles, inviting Joe closer with a finger, seductively patting his pillow-tummy, ”don't you want to fuck me? Don't you want to make me and our child feel good?“

Joe hears his clothes ripping a bit with the speed he’s stripping himself, kneeling over his husband and rubbing his hard, dripping cock all over his pillow-tummy, looking down at John who has all the mischief in his eyes; and Joe has a sudden flashback of his dream – how ethereal John looked, how tender yet powerful and omnipotent, and he has tears in his eyes because all of him is so beautiful that it makes his heart ache.

John pulls up his legs, spreading his knees so the pillow can fit in between, pulling down Joe for a passionate, sloppy kiss full of dancing of tongues, and he huffs in Joe’s mouth, his dick poking Joe’s, and Joe moans and groans because John enjoys this almost as much as he does, and he is so everything…

“I do wanna fuck you,” Joe whispers in John’s ears, smelling his scent, “I wanna make you and our baby feel so good…”

“Come in me then,” John breathes, and Joe fumbles in the nightstand and hastily lubes up himself and John’s butt, and he’s already on top of him and already pushing inside and he groans at the heat, laying on top of John and kissing him, feeling him panting and moaning into his mouth. Joe loves his breath and he loves his voice and loves his face, and he throws his head back as he begins to thrust, slipping in and out of John’s maddening heat, and John moans and chuckles, clawing at Joe’s shoulders, the pillow flattening between them but Joe doesn’t mind.

“You’re squishing our baby,” John giggles, wrapping his legs around Joe and pulling him deeper and thrusting his hips against his, and the smell of sex and the slapping sounds of their bodies fills the room, and Joe laughs while thrusting, feeling high like whenever he’s with John, feeling silly and in love.

“Oh, she can take it, I’m careful,” he whispers breathlessly, opening his eyes once again to stare down at his husband, and he sits back on his heels, fucking into John harder, placing both of his hands on his tummy, gently kneading it.

“You're so hot,“ he whispers again, ”you're so hot, all round and full, and your dick is so big, I wanna touch it all day, and I wanna watch you dance naked for me and show off your belly, and I wanna touch you and feel our baby kick under my palm... Oh god, John, you make me feel like no one else…“

“I wanna ride you,” John moans, grabbing Joe’s shoulders, and Joe puts his hand on John’s hips and turns them over, his eyes glowing up at John as he begins to ride him, holding his fake bump with a hand, and Joe is losing his mind, he can’t hold out much longer…

“I love feeling your child growing in me,” John groans, taking one of Joe’s hands and placing it on his pillow and the other on his dick, and Joe feels the twitching and the hardness, and he tries to keep his eyes shut because John’s dick against his swollen belly looks mind-blowing… But his head falls back on the mattress as he suddenly, forcefully comes inside of his husband with a choked cry, his hand going slack around John’s cock, and he faintly feels John putting his hands around his and squeezing and there’s a splash of cum on Joe's chest and he groans, another wave of pleasure washing over him, and he forces his eyes open to watch John’s face contorting with orgasm, looking so full with Joe’s baby, and it’s such an amazing sight that he’ll never forget it.

John collapses on him, the pillow between them, and Joe grins, very satisfied but somehow aching deep in his heart, aching with an absence, but he shakes his head and it goes away, because John is here and he’s perfect, even is silly enough to play with him like this.

There is no one like him.

John is sweating, hesitantly pulling out the pillow and taking off his t-shirt, and Joe finally feels his body hair against his, feels how warm he is but also how slim now that their imagined child has vanished, and Joe kisses the top of John’s head.

“Thank you,” he whispers, and John lets out a strange sound.

“I... I’m dying of embarrassment here,” John says, muffled into Joe’s neck, and Joe laughs.

“Did you like it?”

“I quite enjoyed it,” John says, face still in Joe’s neck. “I… I’m not saying I wouldn’t feel weird if you got me pregnant, but… hell, I’d like to try it, for you.”

“It’s an amazing thing,” Joe says, shooing the daydreams away. “But it’s okay, you’re okay. It’s all fine like this.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Joe says, lifting John’s chin and kissing him on the lips, laughing at how blushed he is again. He pats John’s butt, and John pokes his nose.

“I will give you another child,” John says, laying his head on Joe’s chest, playing with his chest hair that grew out during his pregnancy with Richie, running his fingertips over Joe’s soft, flat belly. “I promise.”

_ You can’t promise something like that,  _ Joe wants to say, biting back the bitter edge, but instead he just hums, letting John squeeze him closer.

Joe closes his eyes and breathes him in, feeling small waves of renewed arousal and love washing over him again by the sheer heat and closeness of John’s naked body. He sighs and turns John on his back, kissing him deeply and wetly, and John moans, melting into the mattress under him.

Weeks pass again and nothing happens. Joe doesn’t ovulate, but to his surprise he doesn't mind. He’s fed up with pregnancy tests and self-doubt and worrying. 

He has more or less given up the goal of getting another child, instead, he’s enjoying what he has, and when the yearning comes - because it comes, especially as more and more of his and John’s friends are getting married and they’re invited over to baby showers and christenings and birthdays -, he swallows it back, ignoring the frustration when he catches John’s or Ben’s worrying, almost pitying looks.

One day his phone rings in his pocket when his arms are full of Richie, and the boy is busy with excitedly twisting Joe’s ears, and Joe laughs, trying to pull his head away, letting the tiny hands tap all over his face and neck.

“Dada, I’ll catch you,” Richie giggles, reaching for Joe's nose, and Joe grimaces at him, turning his head away not to sneeze in the kids face from the tickling.

“Richie, hold on for a second,'' he says, fishing out his phone while the kid is all over him, trying to climb into his neck.

It’s Matt, his agent.

Joe groans. They had a minor fight last time they talked, having the same old arguments again, and Joe is getting fed up, wondering for the eighth time whether he should look for another agent.

He sighs, peeling the squealing Richie off his shoulder. “Shh, little one!” and Richie puts his hands on his mouth as he sits back on Joe’s knees, trying to suppress a giggle as Joe tickles him with one hand. 

“Hey, Matt!” Joe forces cheerfulness in his voice, not ready for the shitty news again that another application has been rejected.

“Joe! Joe, what’s up?” Matt yells into the line, probably sitting in traffic because there's a loud noise of horns in the background, and Joe grimaces as he covers the speaker with a hand, trying to keep Richie from reaching for it. Matt continues, obviously not interested in small talk. “Joe, guess what, I think we're finally getting lucky!”

Joe's pulse speeds up, hope rising in his chest, and he sits up, and Richie probably can feel the tension too because he quiets down, staring up at Joe with his lips parted. 

Matt is pausing, obviously screwing with him. Joe can practically hear him snickering. The bastard. “Matt, don't torture me, what?”

“Are you free in an hour? I’ll pick you up. Come in that leather jacket of yours.”

“What? What’s going on? Did you find something?”

“It’s a surprise,” Joe can see Matt’s characteristic winking of his through the line. “I'll be there in fifty, depending on the traffic.”

“Okay-”

The line goes silent, and Joe stares at his phone, trying to process what happened.

Did Matt find him a job?

Seems like it.

Joe looks at Richie, and he probably has a gleam on his face because his little boy gleams back at him, his huge eyes widening even more, his smile showing his tiny teeth.

“Little buddy,” Joe says, holding his son close, “little buddy, Dada might have just gotten lucky!”

“What is it, Dada?” Richie asks, holding onto his shoulder.

“I don't know yet. I'm meeting a friend soon, and I'll know more after!”

Richie smiles at him unsurely, but then he just nods, holding onto Joe’s neck, squealing and laughing as Joe picks him up by his ankles, swinging him around.

“John-”

John is already standing in the doorway, apparently he's been eavesdropping and he’s blushing a bit at Joe’s gaze, but he goes pale immediately, seeing how Joe is holding their son upside down.

“Joe, for god's sake, put him down, you’re giving me a heart attack-”

Joe feels like he’s floating above the ground. “John, can you hold him for a second?” He presses Richie into John’s arms who carefully turns the giggling kid back to the proper position, holding him close, and Richie chills in his arms, his hair a bit ruffled.

“John, Matt will be here soon, he wants to take me somewhere!”

John’s eyes widen in understanding, and he absentmindedly caresses Richie’s back. “A role?”

“I don’t know yet! I don't even have any open auditions now. Damn, I'm excited!” Joe presses a deep, deep kiss onto John’s mouth, who finally smiles and kisses him back.

“I'm happy for you, love. I hope for the best,” John says, pulling Joe close and squeezing Richie between them, and the boy theatrically gasps as they kiss, making both of them laugh. He really is Joe’s son.

Joe hugs them, ignoring Richie’s fidgeting before rushing to the bathroom to get ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting there! I'm sorry. Life has been hard and I'm only able to write smaller chapters nowadays...


End file.
